Advice for easing transition to 2 kids

[Anonymous]

Currently pregnant with #2 and seeking tips on how to ease transition to two kids, either prep with the 2.5 yo before birth of 2nd child, things to take care of ahead of time, or strategies for managing time and tasks in the first months of life as a family of 4. We’ll both be working full-time following about 3-4 months of maternity leave.

This seems like a topic that would be well covered here, but I’m finding more on +/- of additional kids as opposed to advice for transitioning. Feel free to answer with links to other similar threads.

[Anonymous]

LOL. Only thing you can do is cook some meals to put int he freezer ahead of time. Otherwise, the only thing that can prepare you is the fact you've been through having a baby before.

[Anonymous]

Get the older one as independent as possible. If your toddler can get dressed/brush teeth encourage it! Also make sure your older child can sleep well without you. You will probably have to rely on your partner to do the bedtime routine for a while after #2 arrives.

[Anonymous]

Some things you can try: Have your partner take on a lot of responsibilities for the older one so that when the baby comes, the older one doesn't feel jilted for your attention and s/he doesn't have to get used to having the other parent take on bedtime and dinnertime etc. Having postpartum help, freezer meals, and keeping the older one on his/her routine for the first few weeks/months helps a lot. I babywore a lot when watching both. Encourage the older one to help you do things, starting now.

[Anonymous]

+1 for baby wearing. I didn't do it much with #1 because he wasn't that into it, but it became imperative with #2

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you for the constructive posts! I’m definitely a fan of baby wearing and hope #2 goes in for it as my daughter did. Can see that routine will be really important for her, could be a reason to have family stay at first even though we really appreciated not having guests and being on our own when bringing home #1.

[Anonymous]

Our pediatrician recommended no big changes for sibling right before baby/right after. So- if you need to move child 1 into a different room or something, do it now.
We got a baby doll for my older one (our gap is smaller than yours now) which I think helped.

More laundry baskets, some “I’m a big brother/sister” books, prepping the next season of clothes for older child, pre-buying birthday/anniversary/etc gifts that will be needed shortly after child 2 arrives, and a few freezer meals. Oh, and something fun for #1 after #2 arrives if you feel so inclined. Oh- and schedule newborn photos now if you want them.

[Anonymous]

Will your first child be in daycare during those 4 months of maternity leave?

[Anonymous]

I think that it is also just useful mentally to prepare for the fact that you may feel like you are in crisis for a while after the birth, even if you didn't feel that way after the birth of your first child. I'm not trying to be pessimistic (I am VERY glad I had a second child), but because we had a fairly easy transition the first time around I was totally shocked by how much harder the second time was (for us--other people find it easier than the first time). So I think in retrospect I would have made it a lot easier for myself if I had thought ahead of time of how I could get extra help if needed (ordering meals, hiring people. asking friends or relatives, whatever). Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Get the 2.5 year old potty trained if she/he isn't already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the 2.5 year old potty trained if she/he isn't already.

+ 1

You won’t have time to potty train with a newborn.

[Anonymous]

OP again - thank you for additional thoughts! Yes, completing potty training for the 2.5yo is my first goal, she was doing well but regressed a bit after switching to a new daycare that isn’t as supportive about promoting the potty. Planning a no pants weekend soon, hopefully after pregnancy sickness abates. She’ll be in daycare during maternity leave, just switched to a new daycare and don’t plan another change for at least a year.

On the room switch, we’re in a tight spot. She does need to move to a new room but we want to wait a bit longer because it is on a different floor from our room (that may be query for a separate post). Tentatively planning to move rooms about 6-8 weeks before due date, and creating an opportunity for her to pick out special sheets and decorations for her new room.

[Anonymous]

Forgot to add, to the person who said to mentally prepare for crisis, thank you I think that is great advice! Fortunately/unfortunately I think it’s probably the one thing we already have 100% down I know we had it easy with the first baby and in the meantime we’ve taken on more care responsibilities for aging family. We’re pretty much expecting the first year to be awful and doing anything we can now to ameliorate a bit...

[Anonymous]

A substantial gap between birth and potty training (on both ends) is a good idea. If beforehand, leave lots of time for the trainee to get used to it.

We trained #1 while #2 was not too many months old and waking up constantly and this sucked, because after the training #1 woke up constantly because he refused to pee in his overnight training pants.

[Anonymous]

Make a plan for how you will respond to #1 when #2 needs attention. My husband and I made a pact to make sure we weren't always telling #1 no, or not now, or after we do whatever for #2 for the first few weeks. We didn't want her to feel like she had been replaced and that her needs weren't important too - even if she just wanted someone to color with her. We also made time for her 1-on-1 with each of us immediately after coming home (bath time, reading, a short walk). It all seems to have helped her accept her little sister and not feel replaced.