Feeling like a failure

[Anonymous]

I start a new job in July, I just found out in mid-March. I had been looking at daycares previously and put in for some waitlists, but not some of the best ones because the waitlists were really expensive to even get on (I'm not in DC) and I started panicking about money which was stupid. Many of these places have 2 year waits. I have, of course, not heard from any of the places we've been waitlisted on.

I just found out that April 1 is the day many of these places start going down their waitlists and that means we are not on it because although I did get on several, I haven't had a chance to put DC on these coveted ones. I'm really sad. I was hoping for a really nice daycare situation for this child, as my older one's former daycare was not the greatest place. I feel like a failure. Like these last two weeks I should have scrambled more and insisted on getting on these other waitlists but other things got in the way (I'm involved in research, tutoring kids, trying to work out more, DH has been out of town nonstop, and life has just been hectic) but I feel like I should have pushed it all aside to do this.

I'm so stressed about it all that I haven't been able to sleep the last few nights. I'm terrified of what will happen if I don't have good care. DH travels so much and my new job is absolutely inflexible. We won't be making a ton either, so not enough for a nanny beyond the summer.

Thanks for letting me share.

[Anonymous]

Call today and get on the lists now. There’s still a bit of time before July. You never know. Nothing to lose.

[Anonymous]

And don’t beat yourself up about it. Your kid will be fine either way. Congratulations on the new gig.

[Anonymous]

It's not you, it's America, where millions of women still have to drop out of the work force to care for children due to the exorbitant cost of childcare.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I know--so much--that feeling of letting your child? family? self? down with the entire daycare search. Before dd was born, dh and I chose a daycare based on cost (relatively low) and that the people 'seemed nice.' It was not a great daycare overall, especially by DCUM standards, but it was what it was and what we could swing at the time.

When we wanted to pull dd out at 1 year, we were kicking ourselves for not getting on more waitlists, but my dh called around and somehow (daycare director whisperer? idk) got us a tour and a spot at a great close-to-us daycare that we're now REALLY happy with. I'd say call around--you never know! We might have bumped some people off of a waiting list (???), so calling around and being flexible with start times might be an ok bet.

And, even though I still feel guilt for her infant years being spent in a less-than-par daycare setting, she is a thriving and happy almost two year old and doesn't appear to be holding any grudges

[Anonymous]

Consider a nanny share. We never made more than $130k HHI while our kids were babies and toddlers but we found that a nanny share was more affordable and flexible and comfortable than most daycares.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't DH do anything???

[Anonymous]

I feel for you as the way you're stressing out is me on so many different things. But totally agree with previous posters that you should stop beating yourself up. We got on 9 waitlists right after I found out I was pregnant and only got off the list at 2 of them. Fast forward to my mom's group that started when DS was 8 weeks old. Half of the other mom's hadn't even thought about what they were doing for daycare at that point and ALL (that wanted to) ended up in good ones somehow. I honestly think the waitlists are fake and a way to just make money. Schedule tours of the ones you want to go to, and then just stay politely persistent about your interest. I'll bet you a spot materializes for you when you need it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I truly believe these waitlists are fake. And I'm about to put down $400 for one of them because they made it sound almost like a guarantee. Then I'll put down $150 for another and another $50 for another. It's so incredibly painful to me, particularly since I'm not getting paid right now. I still have 4 tours to go on as well.

I'm doing this more than DH because he travels constantly and I'm currently home with the kids.I do my research and tutoring after bedtime and during DC2 nap time. I'm doing these things unpaid right now, but they did contribute to my getting my upcoming position. I admit that DH's lack of involvement has been frustrating, but it's not like he can do much else while on the road. However, I'll be the breadwinner come July and DH will have to be at home with the kids if this doesn't work out, so he obviously has a bigger stake in what happens than I think he's really come to grips with. He will also probably turn out to be the primary caregiver as my job will entail some pretty hefty hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I truly believe these waitlists are fake. And I'm about to put down $400 for one of them because they made it sound almost like a guarantee. Then I'll put down $150 for another and another $50 for another. It's so incredibly painful to me, particularly since I'm not getting paid right now. I still have 4 tours to go on as well.

I'm doing this more than DH because he travels constantly and I'm currently home with the kids.I do my research and tutoring after bedtime and during DC2 nap time. I'm doing these things unpaid right now, but they did contribute to my getting my upcoming position. I admit that DH's lack of involvement has been frustrating, but it's not like he can do much else while on the road. However, I'll be the breadwinner come July and DH will have to be at home with the kids if this doesn't work out, so he obviously has a bigger stake in what happens than I think he's really come to grips with. He will also probably turn out to be the primary caregiver as my job will entail some pretty hefty hours.

WAitlists are $400? That sounds criminal. Absolutely criminal.