If kid #2 almost broke your marriage....

[Anonymous]

But you made it through that first year or two and back to a better place, did you have #3? If so, what was it like?
#2 was really hard for my husband (lost his personal time) and then in turn for our relationship. But we made it through the weeds.
Now I can’t help but think...

[Anonymous]

What does your DH think? I think this could go either way, either you guys learn what happened with #2 that stressed your relationship and are able to actively combat it or it will be a decision that you'll both resent.

I think in order to make it work both you and DH need to really really want #3 and really really commit to not repeating the same mistakes.

[Anonymous]

So #2 didn't almost break our marriage, but the jump from 1 to 2 was WAY HARDER than either of us realized it'd be. #1 was pretty easy and very much longed for and waited for and our first year or so with her was really very laid back. We had lots of patience, had all hands on deck, loved every hard minute of it. With number 2 it was just plain HARDER.

In fact it was so hard, I don't want 3, even though I always thought I would. I don't think it'd be the right choice for our marriage or our finances.

[Anonymous]

No, we stopped at 2. We knew we wanted at least 2 but took a "wait and see" approach to having a 3rd. DS1 was great and DS2 came along 19 months later. DH and I struggled BIG TIME and are just now settling down 4 years later and I think actually starting to enjoy it. DS2 was a great newborn, but very tough infant/toddler/preschooler. I know going through that again would break us.

[Anonymous]

Our marriage did not survive our second child. Yes, we had issues before but XDH was always self-centered and spoiled. It coincided with us also losing our nanny of three years who did so much for us and her replacement isn’t nearly as good. XDH blamed me for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So #2 didn't almost break our marriage, but the jump from 1 to 2 was WAY HARDER than either of us realized it'd be. #1 was pretty easy and very much longed for and waited for and our first year or so with her was really very laid back. We had lots of patience, had all hands on deck, loved every hard minute of it. With number 2 it was just plain HARDER.

In fact it was so hard, I don't want 3, even though I always thought I would. I don't think it'd be the right choice for our marriage or our finances.

This is pretty much us as well. We're just so tired with #2 and it's much harder because you really can't take a break and rotate handing off the child to spouse. It's hard on the relationship too because both of you are tired and irritable and I mean you're not going to snap at the baby obviously so you end up being shorter with each other. We were considering a third at one point but it's just not on the table anymore by mutual agreement.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant with third when my second was 5. Older kids were 5 and 7 when third was born. Love our age gap.

Our marriage was rocky again but back to normal now third is 2.

[Anonymous]

Kids number 2 and 3 almost ruined our marriage. We knew we could get through it so had #4. Interestingly, things are better now than they were right after 2 and 3. Not easy or perfect by any means, but we were in a BAD place with the other two and this time we are rolling along fine. Just no time for each other.

[Anonymous]

Having #2 didn't break our marriage, but it in some health ways broke *me.* DH got a vasectomy.

If you've found your way back to a stable place, stay there.

[Anonymous]

#3 has redefined our family - in the best most fun way. Two was hard, a job switch (more intense for me) has made the first two years real work....but Holy Smokes, that third kid... he's fun and laid back and cute and sweet..and just two - we thank the universe for him every day...THe work of three kids is more intense, for sure..there are not breaks, but I see a little light towards a different part of the tunnel and it's getting easier. we were a strong couple to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Stopping at 2. The risk isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

oh heck no. kids are wonderful, but you need to be able to manage them.

[Anonymous]

Nope-- definitely no third. #2 is turning 4yo. She is a major handful and I think living with her has made my older child more difficult. We have just gotten to a point where the communication is better and we are all settling down... and generally enjoying/appreciating each other. I would never throw a third child into the mix. Hopefully a dog someday...

We are doing occasional counseling to fine tune things a bit.

[Anonymous]

Are you willing to risk being a single mother of 3?
I know someone like that. It's hard on her and on kids.

If you DH votes "no" that wins...

[Anonymous]

I did have a third but I didn’t expect my husband to be different / better / do more. I knew what I was getting into. We are fine. There wasn’t the same issues with #3.