Drowning as a working mom--help!

[Anonymous]

I know this comes up here a lot and I am mainly hoping to get some helpful tips (which has worked in the past!). DH and I both work FT--kids are 5th grade and 2nd grade--I go into work super early (like 7-7:30am) so I can leave by 3:30 to either pick them up or meet them at home (they are mature enough to walk, it's several blocks from their school to our home). DH drops them off in the morning and typically gets home by dinner time, sometimes later.

My typical workday looks like this:
-Wake up at 5:30am
-Go to the gym, work out for ~30 minutes, get ready for work
-Get to work by 7:30ish
-Work frantically until it's time to leave
-Come home, help with homework
-Kids get ~1.5 hours of TV/games while I make lunches for the next day, make dinner, clean up, tie up loose ends from work...this is honestly the craziest part of the day
-Dinner, showers, bedtime and sometimes I have more work to do after they go to bed

Some days they have activities and then it's a really mad rush to get everything done before we have to leave the house, immediately after dinner. But this is no more than 2 evenings a week and DH and I have both encouraged them to stick with the activities.

Mostly, I just feel like I am never caught up, anywhere. I work in healthcare so when I saw "loose ends" I mean that there are notes to write and calls to make that really cannot wait until the following day. I wish there was an end in sight to that but have not been able to come up with a new or different work scenario in which I get to do what I do with these hours.

We have monthly house cleaners (DH is vehemently opposed to more often), and I do online grocery shopping, Amazon prime which helps--but lately have still felt like I just cannot keep up with it all. The house stays messy all the time, I struggle to get dinner on the table/kids fed, and stay on top of my workload. Admittedly I am not the most efficient at work and am trying to find a way to stay away from my phone/off email during the workday...but am not sure how much the occasional 10-minute chat with a coworker or text to a friend makes or breaks me.

Any suggestions on how to streamline, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this comes up here a lot and I am mainly hoping to get some helpful tips (which has worked in the past!). DH and I both work FT--kids are 5th grade and 2nd grade--I go into work super early (like 7-7:30am) so I can leave by 3:30 to either pick them up or meet them at home (they are mature enough to walk, it's several blocks from their school to our home). DH drops them off in the morning and typically gets home by dinner time, sometimes later.

My typical workday looks like this:
-Wake up at 5:30am
-Go to the gym, work out for ~30 minutes, get ready for work
-Get to work by 7:30ish
-Work frantically until it's time to leave
-Come home, help with homework
-Kids get ~1.5 hours of TV/games while I make lunches for the next day, make dinner, clean up, tie up loose ends from work...this is honestly the craziest part of the day
-Dinner, showers, bedtime and sometimes I have more work to do after they go to bed

Some days they have activities and then it's a really mad rush to get everything done before we have to leave the house, immediately after dinner. But this is no more than 2 evenings a week and DH and I have both encouraged them to stick with the activities.

Mostly, I just feel like I am never caught up, anywhere. I work in healthcare so when I saw "loose ends" I mean that there are notes to write and calls to make that really cannot wait until the following day. I wish there was an end in sight to that but have not been able to come up with a new or different work scenario in which I get to do what I do with these hours.

We have monthly house cleaners (DH is vehemently opposed to more often), and I do online grocery shopping, Amazon prime which helps--but lately have still felt like I just cannot keep up with it all. The house stays messy all the time, I struggle to get dinner on the table/kids fed, and stay on top of my workload. Admittedly I am not the most efficient at work and am trying to find a way to stay away from my phone/off email during the workday...but am not sure how much the occasional 10-minute chat with a coworker or text to a friend makes or breaks me.

Any suggestions on how to streamline, DCUM?

Why is your DH opposed to weekly or bi-weekly cleaners?

Your kids can make their own lunches. What are you cooking for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Sudshare or Rinse for the laundry.

Most clutter/mess can be put into a few categories (ie Marie Kondo) If you feel you can’t take a little maybe put some systems in place to just tackle certain categories of clutter (Toys, clothes, paper)

Google Learn Do Become... April’s system changed my life!

[Anonymous]

I always feel behind. About 6 months ago I started going in 1/2 day on Fridays and I get a tremendous amount done on my own with nobody in the house. Then I go into the office for 1/2 day on Saturday or Sunday morning and I get a tremendous amount done without anyone else interrupting. Even though I feel shorted on the time with the kids, I feel like the other time I spend w/ them is more relaxed and makes up for it. I come home and I am super focussed on them. I also do a few meals simultaneously on Sunday to cover weeknights.

[Anonymous]

Have your kids help with making their lunches for the next day. They could even do it on their own in the mornings before school.

Can you do some slow cooker meals instead of cooking from scratch in the evening?

[Anonymous]

Pp here, April Perry’s system is fantastic! Lots of freebies on their website but there is a paid version if you want to dig a little deeper https://learndobecome.com/

[Anonymous]

Do you do all the grocery shopping and cooking? Who handles the kids activities? Who does the majority of the cleaning? Finally, DH handles breakfast and drop off and what else?

[Anonymous]

If dH is doing dropoff, he should also be throwing a load of laundey in the washer, starting the dishwasher, and making sure that the house is not wrecked before they leave.
How is the house getting so messy if nobody is home all day?
Make the kids clean. My 2nd grader puts away her own laundry and my 4YO can sort and put away with some help.
What are you making for lunches/dinner? Lower your standards and/or increase your meal prep game.

[Anonymous]

What is your DH doing???

[Anonymous]

Where is your husband in all of this?

[Anonymous]

I feel like this too, but your kids sound older than mine, so not sure why they are not helping. My seven and five year olds help with dinner, the dishes, pick up the mail, take out the garbage, clean their room, clean up for the cleaning lady, etc. We do blue apron 2x per week and do take out each Friday. We make one meal a week last for two and sometimes we do breakfast for dinner or frozen Mac and cheese, meatballs, whatever. I would drop the six am workout a few times a week. Sleep deprivation is not joke.

[Anonymous]

I would bump the cleaners to twice a month - that’s how often we have ours come and it makes a big difference to come home every other week.

Have the kids help with the chores - my 5th grader runs the laundry and helps to fold and put his clothes away, and my 1st grader can match socks and put away his clothes. Also have the kids help make their lunches - I got my kids doing that this school year and they enjoy it and it helps cut down on the prep time.

I’ve felt like I was drowning in a past job, and the two biggest things I found that affected my sense of work/life balance are:
1) rushing out of work to get to the kids in time
2) doing work while the kids are still up, so I’m not fully present with them

For me, getting a new job (also FT WOTH) with more flexibility helped #1 — I also work in healthcare and switching to a combination of teaching and clinical work made a huge difference for me in this area. For #2, I realized sometime that my work while they were awake was not efficient and also was frustrating for me and the kids, so I stopped doing it while they were still up.

[Anonymous]

I am the pp. there is no way I’d let me kids watch tv 1.5 hours per day. That time is family time. Do your chores as a family.

[Anonymous]

Work on streamlining that "Craziest part of the day" by reducing things you need to do at that time.

My favorite lunch tip is to make a big loaf or two of sandwiches on the weekends all at one time. Put each sandwich in its own ziploc bag then put all the sandwiches back into the bread loaf wrapper (squeeze out as much air as possible) and freeze it.

Each morning pull out the sandwich you want and it will thaw in the lunch box.

This works with cold cuts and cheese sandwiches (no condiments or lettuce) and with nut or seed butter and jelly sandwiches as well. Just spread the nut butter or seed butter on both sides of bread and put the jelly in between (jelly doesn't touch the bread) and then freeze.

I can make about 18 ham/turkey/cheese sandwiches in 5 minutes (including cleanup) on Sunday night (or my kids can) and bag them and freeze them. That's 2 loaves of bread and maybe a pound of each cold cut.

Then bag up some carrot slices, dip etc ahead of time and find some other fruit or snacks you like and get them ready as well so each lunch is prepared for all 5 days of the week for each kid.

[Anonymous]

Your kids need to pitch in. Training them will take time, but that’s nothing compared to what you are doing now.