how far do you take body autonomy with your kids?

[Anonymous]

I'm talking about if you're playing with them (not other people). If you're pretending to chase them and "get" them and they're happily screaming "no no no" while running away do you stop or keep going? I'm talking specifically about times you're both clearly engaged in play and they're having fun and don't actually want you to stop even though they're saying "no mommy, don't get me" - how do you balance play with teaching them that they can say no and that should mean something?

[Anonymous]

We use the word STOP to mean stop. Even if we are playing, I stop when she says it. Likewise, if I tell her to stop, and she doesn’t, I end the game immediately.

[Anonymous]

I stop and say “really no or pretend no?” And suggest less misleading things they could say like “oh no a monster!”

[Anonymous]

it's very important to get this right. it can't really be done properly without a lawyer, though.

[Anonymous]

I make a point of stopping, even if I know it's a fake no. I make a point of saying I respect when you say no DC, therefore I stopped if I am asked why. The end.

[Anonymous]

WTF?

[Anonymous]

I never put my child in a situation where they have to tell me to stop. So no, we don’t play monsters that get you. We read, do puzzles, knit, yoga and meditate together. My children are 4,8 and 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never put my child in a situation where they have to tell me to stop. So no, we don’t play monsters that get you. We read, do puzzles, knit, yoga and meditate together. My children are 4,8 and 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF?

exactly.

who even thinks this question ?

wierdos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make a point of stopping, even if I know it's a fake no. I make a point of saying I respect when you say no DC, therefore I stopped if I am asked why. The end.

Same. I stop. They say, 'No," and "no" means "no," so I stop. And I make a big point of saying, "Ok, it's your body. You can say 'yes' or 'no.'"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF?

exactly.

who even thinks this question ?

wierdos

Actually, most of us raising boys think about this - I hope. You are teaching consent, and modeling stopping physical contact when someone says no. My kid is now 12, and I don't remember thinking about this when we played chase and tag and the like, but we started very early with touching and tickling. My kid ADORES being tickled - still does. What we've done is that "no" or "stop" or "wait" are absolute red lights. He says "stop" and my hands go up. If he wants me to tickle him again he has to say "tickle me!" or something. And I do. Does that mean he can't say "no" and mean "yes?" Hell yeah. That is the point - I want him to stop touching anyone who says "no," and not wonder if this is a real "no" or a "no that actually means yes." There is no "no that actually means yes." There is only no. And yes. They are opposites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never put my child in a situation where they have to tell me to stop. So no, we don’t play monsters that get you. We read, do puzzles, knit, yoga and meditate together. My children are 4,8 and 12.

you know there’s value to playful roughhousing, right?

[Anonymous]

Well, my kid told me he didn’t want a flu shot and I made him get it anyway, so I didn’t take bodily autonomy that far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never put my child in a situation where they have to tell me to stop. So no, we don’t play monsters that get you. We read, do puzzles, knit, yoga and meditate together. My children are 4,8 and 12.

you know there’s value to playful roughhousing, right?

Clearly this poster is a troll. Because I highly doubt her kids never ask her to stop knitting, playing puzzles, doing yoga, or meditating.

[Anonymous]

Same as PPs here, we stop when they say stop. They get it really quick - my 4 yo was being tickled the other day and squealing and laughing and would once have been saying 'stop, stop,' but this time he didn't -- just kept squealing and laughing so the game could keep going.

It made me really happy, especially as I have such clear memories of being tickled until I couldn't breathe and saying stop, and people (multiple times) continuing to tickle me. I hated it, the laughing was just physiological, and it was an awful feeling.