ILs just bought a timeshare

[Anonymous]

My ILs recently returned from a vacation in which they were suckered into purchasing a timeshare. They can travel many places through the US, and now I get the feeling that they expect us to travel with them every year based on things they’ve said. (Because it’s FREE for us! Why would we pass that up? Plus, these resorts have so much for kids and adults alike!)

Background, we’ve traveled with my family a couple times, separate hotel rooms. We will be spending a week with my ILs at their “villa” this spring break. But I don’t want to make a tradition of this, which is what I think their intent is. The thought of a week with my ILs is already making me anxious. And not only that, I like picking my own vacation destinations, and doing my own thing in my own hotel room, and just not always spending vacation with family.

My husband is pretty “go with the flow”. How do I get him to go with MY flow? I’m willing to take these trips minimum once every 5 years or so, but not yearly. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Reserve judgment until you try it. Maybe the place will be awesome. If not then take it year by year after that. Maybe spend a weekend one year, skip a couple of years, etc. I don’t think these things require pronouncements, just let it evolve.

I would ask how the timeshare is treated for estate purposes. My ILs got suckered into a timeshare and when they died it was left in the deed to the kids. We had to pay quite a bit to unload it (couldn’t even give it away). None of the kids wanted it because the fees were more than just staying in a nice place where and when you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reserve judgment until you try it. Maybe the place will be awesome. If not then take it year by year after that. Maybe spend a weekend one year, skip a couple of years, etc. I don’t think these things require pronouncements, just let it evolve.

I would ask how the timeshare is treated for estate purposes. My ILs got suckered into a timeshare and when they died it was left in the deed to the kids. We had to pay quite a bit to unload it (couldn’t even give it away). None of the kids wanted it because the fees were more than just staying in a nice place where and when you want.

My main issue is that the available locations are so touristy in a basic way (Las Vegas, Orlando, Myrtle Beach, etc.) Not places I’d choose to vacation. I’d rather pay to visit someplace more exotic. YOLO. Totally someplace we would tag along for a long weekend if we could find cheap flights, but not anywhere I’d use vacation time on, KWIM.

And interesting on the estate front. I’m guessing and hoping FIL left it to his sons, since it’s guaranteed he bought it.

[Anonymous]

Not mentioning your ILs or their timeshare, discuss a few locales with your husband as potential vacation destinations to try in the next ten years. Keep it very general, open ended and non-committal.

If ILs at any point start pushing you into committing to yearly vacations with them, just say "thank you for thinking of us, yeah, we could probably join you on a vacation sometime again, might not be next year as we are potentially considering X, Y or Z, but thank you for the invite and we definitely understand that both you and we will have to confirm any next trip in advance."

[Anonymous]

Before you go on this trip start thinking about next year’s spring break trip. Maybe look at flights and hotels, activities, etc. Winter break and New Years is a great time to start planning how you want to spend your vacation days over the next year or so. (Plus there’s enough distance from the ILs invite so it doesn’t look bad to your DH.)

Then you go on the spring break trip with your ILs and enjoy yourselves.

When they bring up doing this again next year, you guys can say “That sounds wonderful but we already have plans.” Saying no because you don’t have any more vacation days is one thing. It’s much more difficult to say no because you just don’t want to. On their end, it’s also more awkward to ask you to cancel your trip.

If you go 2 years in a row, then you’re in tradition territory so you’re smart to think about it now.

[Anonymous]

How about you take it trip by trip.
See where they are going. If it interests you, go. If not, don't.
You are overthinking

or even DH and kids can go occasionally without you, and you can go on a friends trip instead

[Anonymous]

no opinion but make sure they sell it before they die. they are a true PIA to get rid of.

[Anonymous]

A week could be a long time to share accommodations with another group of people (even ILs or parents). I think it'll help that it is at a resort but it could be a pain to keep the kids quiet in the morning so that the grown ups can sleep in and it's also a pain to try to quiet the house down late at night so that you can get the kids to sleep. People who don't actually live with little kids are simply on different schedules. Add in nap schedules and differences in food preferences, eating times, plus activity levels....

So much depends on how rigid or flexible your ILs are. And a lot depends on how easily you, yourself, can relax around them.

Maybe you'll find that the week works out perfectly and maybe you'll discover that a long weekend would be better. Keep in mind that your own parents would probably appreciate equal time...so don't spend more time with the ILs than you are wiling to spend with your parents. Good luck, Op.

[Anonymous]

Why are you worrying about something that MIGHT happen and if it does, it's over a year away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you take it trip by trip.
See where they are going. If it interests you, go. If not, don't.
You are overthinking

or even DH and kids can go occasionally without you, and you can go on a friends trip instead

I wouldn't start taking separate vacations from my own spouse and kids. Think very carefully before you set a precedent like that, Op. What might work is sending the kids for a week with Grandma and Grandpa at Disney World (or wherever) assuming that they are truly up for supervising and caring for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worrying about something that MIGHT happen and if it does, it's over a year away?

Probably because the planning for this vacation (and possibly others) is in the works now. Op has no other choice then to think about it. Plus, Spring Break is only 5 or 6 month away. Just enough time to get fit for bathing suit weather....

[Anonymous]

Omg this is going to fsck your inheritance estate. You can give that away.

[Anonymous]

When I was in my early 20s, my mom rented a house at a beach 4 hours away from me for the summer, and assumed I would spend the summer there.

It was a thing. I said I could do a week, but did not plan to spend 2 months there.
(I teach).

I just don't like the beach, and I didn't know anyone there.
It seemed Grey Gardens to me.

I think it makes sense to call this "their time share" and talk about "their next trip,".
If you want to commit to 1 trip a year, resign yourself to that.

Every other year is also a choice.

This does have the potential to be a "we got this so WE ALL COULD BE TOGETHER" fantasy, and you may have to both firm and subtle.

FWIW, I have a time share, and sometimes I invite my parents. I don't expect them to come.
When I bought it, I assumed a single friend would love to come on trips with us.
A year later, she fell in love and is busier.

My point is that people purchase a fantasy, and mentally cast others in certain roles. You don't have to burst their bubble, but you can be kind by saying, "I hope you really enjoy your trips as a couple. Send pictures,".

[Anonymous]

Send your husband with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send your husband with the kids.

I hate this type of advice.

Maybe she wants to spend her vacation days with her children?