Sad about minuscule pool of eligible men after divorce at 44

[Anonymous]

"A woman in her 40's or 50s, having done the work of bearing and raising children, is not going to WANT to start another family, she is too smart and too vested in enjoying her remaining years, vs. cowtowing to a younger persons need to procreate out of a desperation to keep them tethered to them"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your only choice is to look for a widower or date a 20 something. Most divorced men have fatal flaws, that's why some other woman threw him back - bad husband.

Which makes them perfect for a divorced woman who was tossed back.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for saying this but: You went to college, you dated one smelly guy, you eventually found a job and moved in with your college BF. You didn't realize that real life is different from college. But now it's 3-4 years post college and you bought into the idea that you MUST get married by 30 and you've "invested" so much time in him. You have a wonderful wedding, all your sorority sisters are in it. So many great pictures. Then you wake up one day after the honeymoon and realize this is it. And your husband has the same realization. You're both miserable, and eventually you divorce.

Let's stop acting like women who weren't picky are innocent actors. They weren't picky, they put up with crap, and now they're sobbing that dating at 44 isn't what it was at 24. But don't worry, they'll feel better about themselves by calling divorced men damaged and calling single women weird. They'll be fine.

OP: you stayed with a cheater. Sucks to suck, but you made a mistake. And for what?

PP, let me guess, you're single. Not even divorced.

Bad guess. But keep screaming that divorced men are damaged. You're different.

[Anonymous]

Men should be married by their late 30s and early 40s. If they are single at 40...they are damaged goods. You will get them if you want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men should be married by their late 30s and early 40s. If they are single at 40...they are damaged goods. You will get them if you want them.

Since my earlier post went without comment, I will reiterate. All the dysfunctionally married people and divorced people calling us never married people ‘damaged goods’ is hysterical.

Some people who never married have serious issues - but so do a great many married people. Many never married people are just smart enough to see the scam that marriage is - especially for women - and want nothing to do with it.

And again, statistically speaking never married women live longer healthier happier lives than their married counterparts. We’ll take your scorn, if you’re too immature to live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just enjoy being yourself without a partner. It’s possible.

Exactly, that's what is truly sad. She has an 11 year old and should put her first, stop equating the only happiness with "finding a man". Like that's the jackpot.

In reality it's not with 1st and 2nd marriages. Just what a 11 year old wants is a new step father with kids - NOT!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just enjoy being yourself without a partner. It’s possible.

Exactly, that's what is truly sad. She has an 11 year old and should put her first, stop equating the only happiness with "finding a man". Like that's the jackpot.

In reality it's not with 1st and 2nd marriages. Just what a 11 year old wants is a new step father with kids - NOT!!!!

Can tell you're an old person from your writing. Worry about your own bad relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men should be married by their late 30s and early 40s. If they are single at 40...they are damaged goods. You will get them if you want them.

Since my earlier post went without comment, I will reiterate. All the dysfunctionally married people and divorced people calling us never married people ‘damaged goods’ is hysterical.

Some people who never married have serious issues - but so do a great many married people. Many never married people are just smart enough to see the scam that marriage is - especially for women - and want nothing to do with it.

And again, statistically speaking never married women live longer healthier happier lives than their married counterparts. We’ll take your scorn, if you’re too immature to live and let live.

Yup. So many women here act like it's horrible to be single, then we see posts whee they talk about their DH cheating, abusing their kids, doing nothing at home, and he got fat. Misery loves company I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really sad about the tiny chances of partnering up with a cultured, emphatic man in my age group who is not tangled in some energy-draining co-parenting situation. In my opinion/experience, all good men between 40 and 55 are taken. Those who have never married have issues. Those who get divorced have issues (certainly including me).

There really is a reason why most marriages take place between the ages of 25 and 30, when both genders are at the peak of their physical beauty.

FWIW, I am successful, in shape and take care of myself. I have an 11 year-old.

I am just very disheartened at the thought that the ship sailed for me 20 years ago. I find the whole idea of online dating repulsive - it is like a meat market out there.

Looks change, looks fade. But the peak of physical beauty? You are confusing yourself. With all luck, you have another 40 years on this planet. All women are beautiful. There is something about a woman mid 40s+ who has life experiences, maybe a couple of wrinkles, and wants to share them plus make new ones that is enticing. Online sucks. Dating in general sucks. But finding someone who has a legitimate interest in learning more about you is great. You want a cultured man who has a modicum of self awareness? Then go to WHERE these men socialize. Concerts, museums, lectures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and happily married but man, I do not understand wanting to find a new serious thing. If we got divorced it’d be hookups and sleeping TF alone for me.

Same here, especially since I have kids and assume almost everyone I could date would also have kids. I just refuse to expose my kids to a new partner and relationship. Like just go hog wild when you don’t have your kids. Stop thinking of partnering again.

Also, my mom remarried when I was 14 and my stepdad was very creepy around me and I would be so freaked out by something like that happening to my kids.

If you were the partner that was cheated on and wanted a long term relationship, you'd think differently. The last thing I want is to sleep around when I was so grossed out by my spouse doing it.

You could have a long term relationship with one person without having to partner with them and “blend” your families while you still have a child at home is what we’re saying, not that your only options are remarry or sleep around

Living apart together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at 42/43 and have had three luxurious years to heal and focus on myself and to really focus on my kids- who has to suffer through a verbally abusive father and a extra long divorce.

I’ve found falling in love with myself to be pretty amazing. The rush to department seems frantic- take your time learn to treasure yourself and your freedom and show your child how resilient ans strong you are, and how much fun you can have 1:1 with them vs hastily bringing some man into the picture.


Everyone thinks they have no time. You ha e no time for a bad relationship- but only with self work and time will you likely be a good partner to anyone or them to you. Take your time, is my advice/

I second that. I focused on myself and my kid when divorced at 43 after a horrible marriage. Then, when I was ready, I opened up my heart and someone fell in. 50, kids out of the house. He loves my young child like his own-he kind of got the second family. We are happy clams. I never thought it would happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men should be married by their late 30s and early 40s. If they are single at 40...they are damaged goods. You will get them if you want them.

Since my earlier post went without comment, I will reiterate. All the dysfunctionally married people and divorced people calling us never married people ‘damaged goods’ is hysterical.

Some people who never married have serious issues - but so do a great many married people. Many never married people are just smart enough to see the scam that marriage is - especially for women - and want nothing to do with it.

And again, statistically speaking never married women live longer healthier happier lives than their married counterparts. We’ll take your scorn, if you’re too immature to live and let live.

Yup. So many women here act like it's horrible to be single, then we see posts whee they talk about their DH cheating, abusing their kids, doing nothing at home, and he got fat. Misery loves company I guess.

NP. The thing about an anonymous board is you have no way of knowing whether the women who act like it's horrible to be single are the same women whose husbands are cheating or abusing the kids, etc. Try applying some critical thinking skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a saltwater fisherman, PP?

What entire job can you not work in another state, or why could you not transition to a career that was possible in your state? I'm fascinated by your tale of utter helplessness. Its almost like you take no active role in the outcome of your own life.

I do hope your child never hears about your "wasted decade", considering you seem to basically blame it on their existence.

He would not let me switch careers. I made too much money. Always planned to come back here anyway. He would not let me take time off of work. He married me for "practical reasons." I blame him. Unless you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I was not even able to leave the house for 6 years...he would not let me go to the grocery store even...he wanted to control what was allowed in the house), don't comment.

This sounds really terrible but under these circumstances I don’t understand why you elected to continue the pregnancy? This is what abortion is for. I understand that you now love your DC but at the time it was an available option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your only choice is to look for a widower or date a 20 something. Most divorced men have fatal flaws, that's why some other woman threw him back - bad husband.

Which makes them perfect for a divorced woman who was tossed back.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for saying this but: You went to college, you dated one smelly guy, you eventually found a job and moved in with your college BF. You didn't realize that real life is different from college. But now it's 3-4 years post college and you bought into the idea that you MUST get married by 30 and you've "invested" so much time in him. You have a wonderful wedding, all your sorority sisters are in it. So many great pictures. Then you wake up one day after the honeymoon and realize this is it. And your husband has the same realization. You're both miserable, and eventually you divorce.

Let's stop acting like women who weren't picky are innocent actors. They weren't picky, they put up with crap, and now they're sobbing that dating at 44 isn't what it was at 24. But don't worry, they'll feel better about themselves by calling divorced men damaged and calling single women weird. They'll be fine.

OP: you stayed with a cheater. Sucks to suck, but you made a mistake. And for what?

I find you so strange. Most women who are single are too picky not settlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a saltwater fisherman, PP?

What entire job can you not work in another state, or why could you not transition to a career that was possible in your state? I'm fascinated by your tale of utter helplessness. Its almost like you take no active role in the outcome of your own life.

I do hope your child never hears about your "wasted decade", considering you seem to basically blame it on their existence.

He would not let me switch careers. I made too much money. Always planned to come back here anyway. He would not let me take time off of work. He married me for "practical reasons." I blame him. Unless you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I was not even able to leave the house for 6 years...he would not let me go to the grocery store even...he wanted to control what was allowed in the house), don't comment.

This sounds really terrible but under these circumstances I don’t understand why you elected to continue the pregnancy? This is what abortion is for. I understand that you now love your DC but at the time it was an available option.

It crossed my mind. But I was raised to religiously to do it. I was always told it was murder. I no longer believe that. Being pregnant when you do not want to be and feeling your life is permanently over because it is not what you want is probably the worst feeling I have ever experienced. That would have been the best option in my situation. Being raised religiously can be a lot like brainwashing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and happily married but man, I do not understand wanting to find a new serious thing. If we got divorced it’d be hookups and sleeping TF alone for me.

Same here, especially since I have kids and assume almost everyone I could date would also have kids. I just refuse to expose my kids to a new partner and relationship. Like just go hog wild when you don’t have your kids. Stop thinking of partnering again.

Also, my mom remarried when I was 14 and my stepdad was very creepy around me and I would be so freaked out by something like that happening to my kids.

If you were the partner that was cheated on and wanted a long term relationship, you'd think differently. The last thing I want is to sleep around when I was so grossed out by my spouse doing it.

Uh, well, yes, if I wanted a long term relationship, I would think differently in that I would want a long term relationship.