What would you have done in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave a bike in the entrance or a place where other kids will bother it. Why did you leave it there?

Right. Because lack of parenting is always the fault of the person wholly unconnected to your child.

About twenty people have made this point. Your stubbornness in not listening to them says more about you than them.

Twenty ppl just proved why children are unruly in public, at school, restaurants, the mall, etc. Most parents don’t want to parent. They want society to provide a “safe space” where their precious child can do whatever they want while they sit and watch.

i don’t want all of society to be a “safe space” for my child. But I do expect a place that’s designated for children to be a safe space for my child. However, based on OP’s latest post, I think OP was mostly in the right. It sounds like the activity center she was at was a place meant for older children, so the toddler mom should’ve been more on guard.

You should expect to discipline and teach your child. Someone really posted that they couldn’t believe snacks were at a park bc their child was getting into them. If you cannot/choose not to control your child in public then stay in your home.

That was me. Nobody needs to be snacking constantly, not even toddlers. If your kid needs a snack, go to a space off to the side, eat the snack, then come back and play. I brought my daughter (then 18-months) to a children’s nature center this summer. The place is designed for toddlers to roam free and play. The plan was for her to explore the center, play with the toys, touch the exhibits, etc. But there was a kid there who had an open container of cheerios on his stroller bc he apparently he couldn’t live without cheerios for more than 5 seconds. So now instead of playing, my 18-month-old is being drawn like a magnet over and over to these cheerios, and I have to redirect her over and over and over. That’s not why I came to the children’s nature center.

That says more about you plan and simple. Your job is to redirect and teach, two things you don’t want to do. Clearly your child is hungry if they are so interested in the Cheerios instead of playing.

So, let’s say I go to a 2-year-old’s bday party. The party’s in a backyard and it’s just parents and a bunch of 2-year-olds. All the dads decide to sit at a table and drink beer (so, there’s a bunch of open glass bottles on the table) and play chess. All the 2-year-kids are now super interested in the open glass bottles and chess pieces, and the moms have to spend the entire party keeping them away from this table. Is the problem here the dads who decided to get this stuff out at a children’s party, or do the moms just need to suck it up and “parent”?

Ok so you’re that kind of person/parent. Completely makes sense why you want others to bend for you.

You ask if they are finished and throw away the bottles. They aren’t finished with the bottles and unwilling to throw them away? You leave as that isn’t a safe environment for your child.

I went to the park a of week or so ago and kids around age 3-5 had snack bags of goldfish and fruit snacks. They were carrying around these bags and of course leaving them everywhere. My baby (17 mos) picked up a bag that hadn’t been opened yet and started walking around with it. You know what I did...I threw the bag away, he cried, and I continued to follow him around.

Wow.... so you don’t think it’s the dads who are asking everyone to bend to them, by doing something inappropriate for toddlers at a toddler’s bday party? And you think it’s your job to clean up they’re bottles...? Also, shouldn’t the parents of the 3-5 year olds have been teaching their children that you don’t leave your food around in a public place? I would never let my daughter just leave her unfinished food around like that. She’s not even allowed to do that in our own house. I’m not arguing with you that if you find yourself in these situations that it’s your job to control your toddler or leave (what other choice do you have at that point?). All I’m asking is, you aren’t annoyed with the other parents in these situations, since you were doing what you were supposed to but they weren’t? You don’t think they’re putting an unfair burden on you?

No, bc I don’t try to control other ppl and every situation. The only person I can control is myself. I don’t expect people to parent their own kids bc most ppl don’t, but I will parent mine. I’m not wasting my time or energy worrying about whether something is fair when it’s easier to remove myself or the obstacle. You are choosing to attend a party and mad bc it’s not the way you want it to be. Next time, you host the party you want. I chose to go to a public park, I’m not going to reprimand kids or parents for eating. What I will do is watch my child and correct them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave a bike in the entrance or a place where other kids will bother it. Why did you leave it there?

Right. Because lack of parenting is always the fault of the person wholly unconnected to your child.

About twenty people have made this point. Your stubbornness in not listening to them says more about you than them.

Twenty ppl just proved why children are unruly in public, at school, restaurants, the mall, etc. Most parents don’t want to parent. They want society to provide a “safe space” where their precious child can do whatever they want while they sit and watch.

i don’t want all of society to be a “safe space” for my child. But I do expect a place that’s designated for children to be a safe space for my child. However, based on OP’s latest post, I think OP was mostly in the right. It sounds like the activity center she was at was a place meant for older children, so the toddler mom should’ve been more on guard.

You should expect to discipline and teach your child. Someone really posted that they couldn’t believe snacks were at a park bc their child was getting into them. If you cannot/choose not to control your child in public then stay in your home.

That was me. Nobody needs to be snacking constantly, not even toddlers. If your kid needs a snack, go to a space off to the side, eat the snack, then come back and play. I brought my daughter (then 18-months) to a children’s nature center this summer. The place is designed for toddlers to roam free and play. The plan was for her to explore the center, play with the toys, touch the exhibits, etc. But there was a kid there who had an open container of cheerios on his stroller bc he apparently he couldn’t live without cheerios for more than 5 seconds. So now instead of playing, my 18-month-old is being drawn like a magnet over and over to these cheerios, and I have to redirect her over and over and over. That’s not why I came to the children’s nature center.

That says more about you plan and simple. Your job is to redirect and teach, two things you don’t want to do. Clearly your child is hungry if they are so interested in the Cheerios instead of playing.

So, let’s say I go to a 2-year-old’s bday party. The party’s in a backyard and it’s just parents and a bunch of 2-year-olds. All the dads decide to sit at a table and drink beer (so, there’s a bunch of open glass bottles on the table) and play chess. All the 2-year-kids are now super interested in the open glass bottles and chess pieces, and the moms have to spend the entire party keeping them away from this table. Is the problem here the dads who decided to get this stuff out at a children’s party, or do the moms just need to suck it up and “parent”?

The dads need to suck it up and parent, and the moms do too. Sometimes that means pulling your spouse aside when they’re being particularly clueless.

I would hope that the spouse of the toddler mom that OP ran into would say something to her. (Or any other parent - OP included! - it takes a village!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave a bike in the entrance or a place where other kids will bother it. Why did you leave it there?

Right. Because lack of parenting is always the fault of the person wholly unconnected to your child.

About twenty people have made this point. Your stubbornness in not listening to them says more about you than them.

Twenty ppl just proved why children are unruly in public, at school, restaurants, the mall, etc. Most parents don’t want to parent. They want society to provide a “safe space” where their precious child can do whatever they want while they sit and watch.

i don’t want all of society to be a “safe space” for my child. But I do expect a place that’s designated for children to be a safe space for my child. However, based on OP’s latest post, I think OP was mostly in the right. It sounds like the activity center she was at was a place meant for older children, so the toddler mom should’ve been more on guard.

You should expect to discipline and teach your child. Someone really posted that they couldn’t believe snacks were at a park bc their child was getting into them. If you cannot/choose not to control your child in public then stay in your home.

That was me. Nobody needs to be snacking constantly, not even toddlers. If your kid needs a snack, go to a space off to the side, eat the snack, then come back and play. I brought my daughter (then 18-months) to a children’s nature center this summer. The place is designed for toddlers to roam free and play. The plan was for her to explore the center, play with the toys, touch the exhibits, etc. But there was a kid there who had an open container of cheerios on his stroller bc he apparently he couldn’t live without cheerios for more than 5 seconds. So now instead of playing, my 18-month-old is being drawn like a magnet over and over to these cheerios, and I have to redirect her over and over and over. That’s not why I came to the children’s nature center.

That says more about you plan and simple. Your job is to redirect and teach, two things you don’t want to do. Clearly your child is hungry if they are so interested in the Cheerios instead of playing.

So, let’s say I go to a 2-year-old’s bday party. The party’s in a backyard and it’s just parents and a bunch of 2-year-olds. All the dads decide to sit at a table and drink beer (so, there’s a bunch of open glass bottles on the table) and play chess. All the 2-year-kids are now super interested in the open glass bottles and chess pieces, and the moms have to spend the entire party keeping them away from this table. Is the problem here the dads who decided to get this stuff out at a children’s party, or do the moms just need to suck it up and “parent”?

Ok so you’re that kind of person/parent. Completely makes sense why you want others to bend for you.

You ask if they are finished and throw away the bottles. They aren’t finished with the bottles and unwilling to throw them away? You leave as that isn’t a safe environment for your child.

I went to the park a of week or so ago and kids around age 3-5 had snack bags of goldfish and fruit snacks. They were carrying around these bags and of course leaving them everywhere. My baby (17 mos) picked up a bag that hadn’t been opened yet and started walking around with it. You know what I did...I threw the bag away, he cried, and I continued to follow him around.

Wow.... so you don’t think it’s the dads who are asking everyone to bend to them, by doing something inappropriate for toddlers at a toddler’s bday party? And you think it’s your job to clean up they’re bottles...? Also, shouldn’t the parents of the 3-5 year olds have been teaching their children that you don’t leave your food around in a public place? I would never let my daughter just leave her unfinished food around like that. She’s not even allowed to do that in our own house. I’m not arguing with you that if you find yourself in these situations that it’s your job to control your toddler or leave (what other choice do you have at that point?). All I’m asking is, you aren’t annoyed with the other parents in these situations, since you were doing what you were supposed to but they weren’t? You don’t think they’re putting an unfair burden on you?

No, bc I don’t try to control other ppl and every situation. The only person I can control is myself. I don’t expect people to parent their own kids bc most ppl don’t, but I will parent mine. I’m not wasting my time or energy worrying about whether something is fair when it’s easier to remove myself or the obstacle. You are choosing to attend a party and mad bc it’s not the way you want it to be. Next time, you host the party you want. I chose to go to a public park, I’m not going to reprimand kids or parents for eating. What I will do is watch my child and correct them.

I don’t think I believe you. What about this: You’re at the park on the swing set. Some teens are nearby playing soccer and they keep kicking the ball over by the swing set, narrowly missing your child several times. Do you ask them to play somewhere else, or do you just leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the truth, "I don't want her on the bike" or "Please make sure she does not get on the bike".

Sure Mom shouldn't have let her. However, say ALL that you mean.

+1 The mom gave you the in with "are you not okay with her on the bike?" You should have been polite but firm and direct in your expectation. "You are right, I don't want her to touch the bike and this is the only place I have to put it. Please make sure she does not touch the bike. Thanks for understanding!"

OP here and I DID tell her exactly that! I told the mom "No, I don't want her climbing on the bike. It's really heavy and it will tip and hurt her, and I have to leave." Honestly I couldn't believe that I had to explain to her that her toddler couldn't go climbing on someone else's large bike. As soon as I left, I look back through the door and see the toddler on the bike and it's fallen on her. I know I'm going to get flamed for it, but at that point, I just pretended like I didn't see a thing, and just kept on walking, because I figured at that point, it was her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave a bike in the entrance or a place where other kids will bother it. Why did you leave it there?

Right. Because lack of parenting is always the fault of the person wholly unconnected to your child.

About twenty people have made this point. Your stubbornness in not listening to them says more about you than them.

Twenty ppl just proved why children are unruly in public, at school, restaurants, the mall, etc. Most parents don’t want to parent. They want society to provide a “safe space” where their precious child can do whatever they want while they sit and watch.

i don’t want all of society to be a “safe space” for my child. But I do expect a place that’s designated for children to be a safe space for my child. However, based on OP’s latest post, I think OP was mostly in the right. It sounds like the activity center she was at was a place meant for older children, so the toddler mom should’ve been more on guard.

You should expect to discipline and teach your child. Someone really posted that they couldn’t believe snacks were at a park bc their child was getting into them. If you cannot/choose not to control your child in public then stay in your home.

That was me. Nobody needs to be snacking constantly, not even toddlers. If your kid needs a snack, go to a space off to the side, eat the snack, then come back and play. I brought my daughter (then 18-months) to a children’s nature center this summer. The place is designed for toddlers to roam free and play. The plan was for her to explore the center, play with the toys, touch the exhibits, etc. But there was a kid there who had an open container of cheerios on his stroller bc he apparently he couldn’t live without cheerios for more than 5 seconds. So now instead of playing, my 18-month-old is being drawn like a magnet over and over to these cheerios, and I have to redirect her over and over and over. That’s not why I came to the children’s nature center.

That says more about you plan and simple. Your job is to redirect and teach, two things you don’t want to do. Clearly your child is hungry if they are so interested in the Cheerios instead of playing.

So, let’s say I go to a 2-year-old’s bday party. The party’s in a backyard and it’s just parents and a bunch of 2-year-olds. All the dads decide to sit at a table and drink beer (so, there’s a bunch of open glass bottles on the table) and play chess. All the 2-year-kids are now super interested in the open glass bottles and chess pieces, and the moms have to spend the entire party keeping them away from this table. Is the problem here the dads who decided to get this stuff out at a children’s party, or do the moms just need to suck it up and “parent”?

Ok so you’re that kind of person/parent. Completely makes sense why you want others to bend for you.

You ask if they are finished and throw away the bottles. They aren’t finished with the bottles and unwilling to throw them away? You leave as that isn’t a safe environment for your child.

I went to the park a of week or so ago and kids around age 3-5 had snack bags of goldfish and fruit snacks. They were carrying around these bags and of course leaving them everywhere. My baby (17 mos) picked up a bag that hadn’t been opened yet and started walking around with it. You know what I did...I threw the bag away, he cried, and I continued to follow him around.

Wow.... so you don’t think it’s the dads who are asking everyone to bend to them, by doing something inappropriate for toddlers at a toddler’s bday party? And you think it’s your job to clean up they’re bottles...? Also, shouldn’t the parents of the 3-5 year olds have been teaching their children that you don’t leave your food around in a public place? I would never let my daughter just leave her unfinished food around like that. She’s not even allowed to do that in our own house. I’m not arguing with you that if you find yourself in these situations that it’s your job to control your toddler or leave (what other choice do you have at that point?). All I’m asking is, you aren’t annoyed with the other parents in these situations, since you were doing what you were supposed to but they weren’t? You don’t think they’re putting an unfair burden on you?

No, bc I don’t try to control other ppl and every situation. The only person I can control is myself. I don’t expect people to parent their own kids bc most ppl don’t, but I will parent mine. I’m not wasting my time or energy worrying about whether something is fair when it’s easier to remove myself or the obstacle. You are choosing to attend a party and mad bc it’s not the way you want it to be. Next time, you host the party you want. I chose to go to a public park, I’m not going to reprimand kids or parents for eating. What I will do is watch my child and correct them.

I don’t think I believe you. What about this: You’re at the park on the swing set. Some teens are nearby playing soccer and they keep kicking the ball over by the swing set, narrowly missing your child several times. Do you ask them to play somewhere else, or do you just leave?

Yeah I’m not going to keep doing this with you. No response will satisfy you bc you want to control ppl and situations. You don’t have to believe me and I wouldn’t expect your personality too. You view is very narrow and anyone outside of that view is the problem. Carry on and do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the truth, "I don't want her on the bike" or "Please make sure she does not get on the bike".

Sure Mom shouldn't have let her. However, say ALL that you mean.

+1 The mom gave you the in with "are you not okay with her on the bike?" You should have been polite but firm and direct in your expectation. "You are right, I don't want her to touch the bike and this is the only place I have to put it. Please make sure she does not touch the bike. Thanks for understanding!"

OP here and I DID tell her exactly that! I told the mom "No, I don't want her climbing on the bike. It's really heavy and it will tip and hurt her, and I have to leave." Honestly I couldn't believe that I had to explain to her that her toddler couldn't go climbing on someone else's large bike. As soon as I left, I look back through the door and see the toddler on the bike and it's fallen on her. I know I'm going to get flamed for it, but at that point, I just pretended like I didn't see a thing, and just kept on walking, because I figured at that point, it was her problem.

I would do the same thing. I’m not worrying about someone else’s child they refuse to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the truth, "I don't want her on the bike" or "Please make sure she does not get on the bike".

Sure Mom shouldn't have let her. However, say ALL that you mean.

+1 The mom gave you the in with "are you not okay with her on the bike?" You should have been polite but firm and direct in your expectation. "You are right, I don't want her to touch the bike and this is the only place I have to put it. Please make sure she does not touch the bike. Thanks for understanding!"

OP here and I DID tell her exactly that! I told the mom "No, I don't want her climbing on the bike. It's really heavy and it will tip and hurt her, and I have to leave." Honestly I couldn't believe that I had to explain to her that her toddler couldn't go climbing on someone else's large bike. As soon as I left, I look back through the door and see the toddler on the bike and it's fallen on her. I know I'm going to get flamed for it, but at that point, I just pretended like I didn't see a thing, and just kept on walking, because I figured at that point, it was her problem.

Is it possible that the bike’s not really as dangerous as you’re making it out to be, OP? Was the 2-year-old actually hurt when it tipped over on her? And when the bike fell on the 2-year-old was the mom mad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave a bike in the entrance or a place where other kids will bother it. Why did you leave it there?

Right. Because lack of parenting is always the fault of the person wholly unconnected to your child.

About twenty people have made this point. Your stubbornness in not listening to them says more about you than them.

Twenty ppl just proved why children are unruly in public, at school, restaurants, the mall, etc. Most parents don’t want to parent. They want society to provide a “safe space” where their precious child can do whatever they want while they sit and watch.

i don’t want all of society to be a “safe space” for my child. But I do expect a place that’s designated for children to be a safe space for my child. However, based on OP’s latest post, I think OP was mostly in the right. It sounds like the activity center she was at was a place meant for older children, so the toddler mom should’ve been more on guard.

You should expect to discipline and teach your child. Someone really posted that they couldn’t believe snacks were at a park bc their child was getting into them. If you cannot/choose not to control your child in public then stay in your home.

That was me. Nobody needs to be snacking constantly, not even toddlers. If your kid needs a snack, go to a space off to the side, eat the snack, then come back and play. I brought my daughter (then 18-months) to a children’s nature center this summer. The place is designed for toddlers to roam free and play. The plan was for her to explore the center, play with the toys, touch the exhibits, etc. But there was a kid there who had an open container of cheerios on his stroller bc he apparently he couldn’t live without cheerios for more than 5 seconds. So now instead of playing, my 18-month-old is being drawn like a magnet over and over to these cheerios, and I have to redirect her over and over and over. That’s not why I came to the children’s nature center.

That says more about you plan and simple. Your job is to redirect and teach, two things you don’t want to do. Clearly your child is hungry if they are so interested in the Cheerios instead of playing.

So, let’s say I go to a 2-year-old’s bday party. The party’s in a backyard and it’s just parents and a bunch of 2-year-olds. All the dads decide to sit at a table and drink beer (so, there’s a bunch of open glass bottles on the table) and play chess. All the 2-year-kids are now super interested in the open glass bottles and chess pieces, and the moms have to spend the entire party keeping them away from this table. Is the problem here the dads who decided to get this stuff out at a children’s party, or do the moms just need to suck it up and “parent”?

Ok so you’re that kind of person/parent. Completely makes sense why you want others to bend for you.

You ask if they are finished and throw away the bottles. They aren’t finished with the bottles and unwilling to throw them away? You leave as that isn’t a safe environment for your child.

I went to the park a of week or so ago and kids around age 3-5 had snack bags of goldfish and fruit snacks. They were carrying around these bags and of course leaving them everywhere. My baby (17 mos) picked up a bag that hadn’t been opened yet and started walking around with it. You know what I did...I threw the bag away, he cried, and I continued to follow him around.

Wow.... so you don’t think it’s the dads who are asking everyone to bend to them, by doing something inappropriate for toddlers at a toddler’s bday party? And you think it’s your job to clean up they’re bottles...? Also, shouldn’t the parents of the 3-5 year olds have been teaching their children that you don’t leave your food around in a public place? I would never let my daughter just leave her unfinished food around like that. She’s not even allowed to do that in our own house. I’m not arguing with you that if you find yourself in these situations that it’s your job to control your toddler or leave (what other choice do you have at that point?). All I’m asking is, you aren’t annoyed with the other parents in these situations, since you were doing what you were supposed to but they weren’t? You don’t think they’re putting an unfair burden on you?

No, bc I don’t try to control other ppl and every situation. The only person I can control is myself. I don’t expect people to parent their own kids bc most ppl don’t, but I will parent mine. I’m not wasting my time or energy worrying about whether something is fair when it’s easier to remove myself or the obstacle. You are choosing to attend a party and mad bc it’s not the way you want it to be. Next time, you host the party you want. I chose to go to a public park, I’m not going to reprimand kids or parents for eating. What I will do is watch my child and correct them.

I don’t think I believe you. What about this: You’re at the park on the swing set. Some teens are nearby playing soccer and they keep kicking the ball over by the swing set, narrowly missing your child several times. Do you ask them to play somewhere else, or do you just leave?

Yeah I’m not going to keep doing this with you. No response will satisfy you bc you want to control ppl and situations. You don’t have to believe me and I wouldn’t expect your personality too. You view is very narrow and anyone outside of that view is the problem. Carry on and do you.

Hmm, I mean it sounds like you just think people should be allowed to do whatever they want in public, and if you don’t like it, then you just need to suck it up or leave? That’s an interesting viewpoint. I am genuinely thinking it over. I would say that there is a standard of etiquette/behavior in any given public situation, and that at a minimum you are allowed to be annoyed with people who don’t follow those standards, and you’re possibly allowed to ask them yourself to follow the standard. Like if I’m in a restaurant and someone is talking loudly on a cell phone next to me, I think I have the right to ask them to be more quiet. To me, there is a range of standards of behavior in children’s spaces depending on what age of child the space is designed for, and I am allowed to be annoyed if others don’t respect those standards. Another example: if I’m at Starbucks with a 2-year-old, no question I keep her away from all the adults’ coffee cups. However, if we’re at the chikdren’s museum, I think it’s the adults’ responsibility to leave their coffee cups out of the way of the children. I shouldn’t have to keep reminding my 2-year-old to watch out for afults’ coffee cups at the children’s museum. I’m not really arguing at this point. I just think it’s interesting to talk about unspoken standards of behavior in public spaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the truth, "I don't want her on the bike" or "Please make sure she does not get on the bike".

Sure Mom shouldn't have let her. However, say ALL that you mean.

+1 The mom gave you the in with "are you not okay with her on the bike?" You should have been polite but firm and direct in your expectation. "You are right, I don't want her to touch the bike and this is the only place I have to put it. Please make sure she does not touch the bike. Thanks for understanding!"

OP here and I DID tell her exactly that! I told the mom "No, I don't want her climbing on the bike. It's really heavy and it will tip and hurt her, and I have to leave." Honestly I couldn't believe that I had to explain to her that her toddler couldn't go climbing on someone else's large bike. As soon as I left, I look back through the door and see the toddler on the bike and it's fallen on her. I know I'm going to get flamed for it, but at that point, I just pretended like I didn't see a thing, and just kept on walking, because I figured at that point, it was her problem.

Is it possible that the bike’s not really as dangerous as you’re making it out to be, OP? Was the 2-year-old actually hurt when it tipped over on her? And when the bike fell on the 2-year-old was the mom mad?

I don’t know if she was hurt or not or if the mom was mad, because I just walked off! I only saw that she was on the bike and the bike had tipped over. The door was closed so I have no idea if she was crying or not. Not dangerous enough that it would cause serious permanent injury, but yes, she could have gotten bruised, scraped, or scratched up if it fell on her. She was tiny and the bike was heavy enough that it’s difficult for my strong older child to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the truth, "I don't want her on the bike" or "Please make sure she does not get on the bike".

Sure Mom shouldn't have let her. However, say ALL that you mean.

+1 The mom gave you the in with "are you not okay with her on the bike?" You should have been polite but firm and direct in your expectation. "You are right, I don't want her to touch the bike and this is the only place I have to put it. Please make sure she does not touch the bike. Thanks for understanding!"

OP here and I DID tell her exactly that! I told the mom "No, I don't want her climbing on the bike. It's really heavy and it will tip and hurt her, and I have to leave." Honestly I couldn't believe that I had to explain to her that her toddler couldn't go climbing on someone else's large bike. As soon as I left, I look back through the door and see the toddler on the bike and it's fallen on her. I know I'm going to get flamed for it, but at that point, I just pretended like I didn't see a thing, and just kept on walking, because I figured at that point, it was her problem.

Is it possible that the bike’s not really as dangerous as you’re making it out to be, OP? Was the 2-year-old actually hurt when it tipped over on her? And when the bike fell on the 2-year-old was the mom mad?

I don’t know if she was hurt or not or if the mom was mad, because I just walked off! I only saw that she was on the bike and the bike had tipped over. The door was closed so I have no idea if she was crying or not. Not dangerous enough that it would cause serious permanent injury, but yes, she could have gotten bruised, scraped, or scratched up if it fell on her. She was tiny and the bike was heavy enough that it’s difficult for my strong older child to handle.

I'm on the of the main PP's on this thread. I don't know why I think it's so interesting haha. It's like a college ethics paper or something! So like, what is your main issue - do you just not want other kids touching your daughter's bike, or are you actually worried about the 2-year-old's safety? If you told the mom what you did, that the bike was heavy and could hurt her daughter, and she said to you "oh, don't worry about it. If she gets hurts, I'll take care of it," would you still care? What if this mom is like a super cyclocross person and is really into her daughter being interested in bicycles and not afraid of them? I mean, no question, this mom sounds extremely lax, to the point of being kind of weird. I definitely wonder why she wasn't more concerned that her child would get hurt. I must have a boring life because this topic is just fascinating me to no end.

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Anonymous wrote:I would not leave a bike in the entrance or a place where other kids will bother it. Why did you leave it there?

Right. Because lack of parenting is always the fault of the person wholly unconnected to your child.

About twenty people have made this point. Your stubbornness in not listening to them says more about you than them.

Twenty ppl just proved why children are unruly in public, at school, restaurants, the mall, etc. Most parents don’t want to parent. They want society to provide a “safe space” where their precious child can do whatever they want while they sit and watch.

i don’t want all of society to be a “safe space” for my child. But I do expect a place that’s designated for children to be a safe space for my child. However, based on OP’s latest post, I think OP was mostly in the right. It sounds like the activity center she was at was a place meant for older children, so the toddler mom should’ve been more on guard.

You should expect to discipline and teach your child. Someone really posted that they couldn’t believe snacks were at a park bc their child was getting into them. If you cannot/choose not to control your child in public then stay in your home.

That was me. Nobody needs to be snacking constantly, not even toddlers. If your kid needs a snack, go to a space off to the side, eat the snack, then come back and play. I brought my daughter (then 18-months) to a children’s nature center this summer. The place is designed for toddlers to roam free and play. The plan was for her to explore the center, play with the toys, touch the exhibits, etc. But there was a kid there who had an open container of cheerios on his stroller bc he apparently he couldn’t live without cheerios for more than 5 seconds. So now instead of playing, my 18-month-old is being drawn like a magnet over and over to these cheerios, and I have to redirect her over and over and over. That’s not why I came to the children’s nature center.

That says more about you plan and simple. Your job is to redirect and teach, two things you don’t want to do. Clearly your child is hungry if they are so interested in the Cheerios instead of playing.

So, let’s say I go to a 2-year-old’s bday party. The party’s in a backyard and it’s just parents and a bunch of 2-year-olds. All the dads decide to sit at a table and drink beer (so, there’s a bunch of open glass bottles on the table) and play chess. All the 2-year-kids are now super interested in the open glass bottles and chess pieces, and the moms have to spend the entire party keeping them away from this table. Is the problem here the dads who decided to get this stuff out at a children’s party, or do the moms just need to suck it up and “parent”?

Ok so you’re that kind of person/parent. Completely makes sense why you want others to bend for you.

You ask if they are finished and throw away the bottles. They aren’t finished with the bottles and unwilling to throw them away? You leave as that isn’t a safe environment for your child.

I went to the park a of week or so ago and kids around age 3-5 had snack bags of goldfish and fruit snacks. They were carrying around these bags and of course leaving them everywhere. My baby (17 mos) picked up a bag that hadn’t been opened yet and started walking around with it. You know what I did...I threw the bag away, he cried, and I continued to follow him around.

Wow.... so you don’t think it’s the dads who are asking everyone to bend to them, by doing something inappropriate for toddlers at a toddler’s bday party? And you think it’s your job to clean up they’re bottles...? Also, shouldn’t the parents of the 3-5 year olds have been teaching their children that you don’t leave your food around in a public place? I would never let my daughter just leave her unfinished food around like that. She’s not even allowed to do that in our own house. I’m not arguing with you that if you find yourself in these situations that it’s your job to control your toddler or leave (what other choice do you have at that point?). All I’m asking is, you aren’t annoyed with the other parents in these situations, since you were doing what you were supposed to but they weren’t? You don’t think they’re putting an unfair burden on you?

No, bc I don’t try to control other ppl and every situation. The only person I can control is myself. I don’t expect people to parent their own kids bc most ppl don’t, but I will parent mine. I’m not wasting my time or energy worrying about whether something is fair when it’s easier to remove myself or the obstacle. You are choosing to attend a party and mad bc it’s not the way you want it to be. Next time, you host the party you want. I chose to go to a public park, I’m not going to reprimand kids or parents for eating. What I will do is watch my child and correct them.

I don’t think I believe you. What about this: You’re at the park on the swing set. Some teens are nearby playing soccer and they keep kicking the ball over by the swing set, narrowly missing your child several times. Do you ask them to play somewhere else, or do you just leave?

Yeah I’m not going to keep doing this with you. No response will satisfy you bc you want to control ppl and situations. You don’t have to believe me and I wouldn’t expect your personality too. You view is very narrow and anyone outside of that view is the problem. Carry on and do you.

Hmm, I mean it sounds like you just think people should be allowed to do whatever they want in public, and if you don’t like it, then you just need to suck it up or leave? That’s an interesting viewpoint. I am genuinely thinking it over. I would say that there is a standard of etiquette/behavior in any given public situation, and that at a minimum you are allowed to be annoyed with people who don’t follow those standards, and you’re possibly allowed to ask them yourself to follow the standard. Like if I’m in a restaurant and someone is talking loudly on a cell phone next to me, I think I have the right to ask them to be more quiet. To me, there is a range of standards of behavior in children’s spaces depending on what age of child the space is designed for, and I am allowed to be annoyed if others don’t respect those standards. Another example: if I’m at Starbucks with a 2-year-old, no question I keep her away from all the adults’ coffee cups. However, if we’re at the chikdren’s museum, I think it’s the adults’ responsibility to leave their coffee cups out of the way of the children. I shouldn’t have to keep reminding my 2-year-old to watch out for afults’ coffee cups at the children’s museum. I’m not really arguing at this point. I just think it’s interesting to talk about unspoken standards of behavior in public spaces.

Op here and allow me to interject... I’m in agreement with the PP who says it’s kinda not worth the trouble to worry about controlling your environment to suit your child. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about what you really want to exert control over. You can not realistically control every aspect of a certain environment, but you can teach your child hand in hand how to navigate various environments, teach limits, teach respect for others, and other people’s property, and avoid potential dangers. This is a benefit to your child.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like maybe what the mom heard in your response was just concern for her child and not concern for the bike. Since she was fine with her child playing even if the bike fell on her (she is okay with natural consequences) then she may not have heard that you didn't want her near the bike at all. I have often had people comment my kids shouldn't be doing x, y or z - just because they think x,y, or z is too dangerous for a child and they are more risk adverse.

In your case, my kids aren't allowed to climb on others property so it would be different but if they were climbing on a sibling bike and it fell on them, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I have another example, haha. You take your crawling 10-month-old to baby and me music class - a class designed for babies under 18-months. There is a mom in there who has her open purse on the floor, and it's got all kinds of baby bait in it - keys, juice boxes, wallet with cards, etc. Your baby is 10-months-old - yes, she is old enough to be learning basic discipline, but she's not very good at it yet, because she's 10-months-old. Your baby keeps crawling over to the mom's open purse, and you keep telling her no and dragging her away. Eventually she starts crying and you have to leave. Okay, yes, it's good for babies of all ages to learn limits, and I guess this was a good learning opportunity. But still, you brought her to this class so she could play and sing songs for half an hour, and now you have to leave because some other mom can't just put her purse out of the reach of the babies? Notice I didn't say I tried to control anything - I didn't tell the mom to put her purse away. I did what the other PP said, I tried to control my child as much as possible and then I left. But come on, I can't be annoyed at this other mom, at the very least?

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the truth, "I don't want her on the bike" or "Please make sure she does not get on the bike".

Sure Mom shouldn't have let her. However, say ALL that you mean.

+1 The mom gave you the in with "are you not okay with her on the bike?" You should have been polite but firm and direct in your expectation. "You are right, I don't want her to touch the bike and this is the only place I have to put it. Please make sure she does not touch the bike. Thanks for understanding!"

OP here and I DID tell her exactly that! I told the mom "No, I don't want her climbing on the bike. It's really heavy and it will tip and hurt her, and I have to leave." Honestly I couldn't believe that I had to explain to her that her toddler couldn't go climbing on someone else's large bike. As soon as I left, I look back through the door and see the toddler on the bike and it's fallen on her. I know I'm going to get flamed for it, but at that point, I just pretended like I didn't see a thing, and just kept on walking, because I figured at that point, it was her problem.

Is it possible that the bike’s not really as dangerous as you’re making it out to be, OP? Was the 2-year-old actually hurt when it tipped over on her? And when the bike fell on the 2-year-old was the mom mad?

I don’t know if she was hurt or not or if the mom was mad, because I just walked off! I only saw that she was on the bike and the bike had tipped over. The door was closed so I have no idea if she was crying or not. Not dangerous enough that it would cause serious permanent injury, but yes, she could have gotten bruised, scraped, or scratched up if it fell on her. She was tiny and the bike was heavy enough that it’s difficult for my strong older child to handle.

I'm on the of the main PP's on this thread. I don't know why I think it's so interesting haha. It's like a college ethics paper or something! So like, what is your main issue - do you just not want other kids touching your daughter's bike, or are you actually worried about the 2-year-old's safety? If you told the mom what you did, that the bike was heavy and could hurt her daughter, and she said to you "oh, don't worry about it. If she gets hurts, I'll take care of it," would you still care? What if this mom is like a super cyclocross person and is really into her daughter being interested in bicycles and not afraid of them? I mean, no question, this mom sounds extremely lax, to the point of being kind of weird. I definitely wonder why she wasn't more concerned that her child would get hurt. I must have a boring life because this topic is just fascinating me to no end.

Lol it really has turned into quite an interesting philosophical divide! I wasn’t worried about the bike getting damaged, it’s built like a tank. Of course I didn’t want it falling on a little 2yo, and if I were there I would have felt bad if she did get hurt because of the bike. But like I said, the part that was the problem for me was that the mom saw nothing wrong with her 2yo not listening when I told her to get off the bike (though it’s possible she wasn’t in earshot) and that she saw nothing wrong with her child trying to ride someone else’s bike. And then after I told her I didn’t want her on the bike, and I left, she let her on the bike. So for me, I guess it was a respect or boundary issue, or lack therof. And honestly I was miffed! And at the same time I felt a little guilty, so wondered if I was in the wrong at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I have another example, haha. You take your crawling 10-month-old to baby and me music class - a class designed for babies under 18-months. There is a mom in there who has her open purse on the floor, and it's got all kinds of baby bait in it - keys, juice boxes, wallet with cards, etc. Your baby is 10-months-old - yes, she is old enough to be learning basic discipline, but she's not very good at it yet, because she's 10-months-old. Your baby keeps crawling over to the mom's open purse, and you keep telling her no and dragging her away. Eventually she starts crying and you have to leave. Okay, yes, it's good for babies of all ages to learn limits, and I guess this was a good learning opportunity. But still, you brought her to this class so she could play and sing songs for half an hour, and now you have to leave because some other mom can't just put her purse out of the reach of the babies? Notice I didn't say I tried to control anything - I didn't tell the mom to put her purse away. I did what the other PP said, I tried to control my child as much as possible and then I left. But come on, I can't be annoyed at this other mom, at the very least?

Not that this scenario has any similarity to mine, but in the situation you described, I would expect people to keep those kind of distractions out of a baby and me class. -OP