Sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren't going to like this answer OP but adjust your expectations. Stop feeling like a victim who is being denied. Understand marriage is for the best interest of the children and that your libido may not be satisfied for a long time while the kids are growing up. That's life- just deal.

Yeah I'll deal its called divorce. There no rule about having to wait years until kids older wtf who does that an expect the relationship to work. Better off divorcing the man after the kids because it seems you have no need or care for him to put him on the backburner.

Then get one. Go ahead. Your wife will be better off and I'm sure happy to be freed from the pestering sex junkie

We both will be happy so all well that ends.

Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to read the OPs post, since I thought maybe I'd posted this and forgotten.

OP, I've been rejected daily, then weekly, then monthly. You see the pattern. I initiated daily for months, to no avail. I thought, maybe weekly is manageable, then thought I shouldn't be so greedy, and asked only monthly.

Too many days turned into weeks turned months turned into years later, and I've given up.

I'm very attractive, flirtatious, smart, and fun. I get hit on all the time. But haven't been touched sexually in years!

Yes, you guessed it, I'm a DW trapped in a sexless marriage, it is a nightmare. I've gotten to the point that when he walks in to a room, I exit. I resent him for forcing me into this lefestyle.

I masturbate every morning and every night. Often while he's in bed "sleeping" I'm not obnoxious about it, I'm quiet, but my body shivers every time.

Funny thing is people think we have the best relationship because I'm very touchy and such a flirt. I'm sure his friends think he gets action nightly. If they only knew what a dud he really is.

What the reasoning for not...with you?

A new poster as a DW in a sexless marriage. DH says he's tired so I've cut way back on our schedule of seeing friends and family and even my job to accommodate his need for rest. He also suffers from anxiety but refuses to medicate or meditate to control it.

To the DWs in sexless marriages, are you sure your husband isn't a porn addict? That was the situation with a friend of mine and I've heard it's pretty common. I would explore that possibility if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to read the OPs post, since I thought maybe I'd posted this and forgotten.

OP, I've been rejected daily, then weekly, then monthly. You see the pattern. I initiated daily for months, to no avail. I thought, maybe weekly is manageable, then thought I shouldn't be so greedy, and asked only monthly.

Too many days turned into weeks turned months turned into years later, and I've given up.

I'm very attractive, flirtatious, smart, and fun. I get hit on all the time. But haven't been touched sexually in years!

Yes, you guessed it, I'm a DW trapped in a sexless marriage, it is a nightmare. I've gotten to the point that when he walks in to a room, I exit. I resent him for forcing me into this lefestyle.

I masturbate every morning and every night. Often while he's in bed "sleeping" I'm not obnoxious about it, I'm quiet, but my body shivers every time.

Funny thing is people think we have the best relationship because I'm very touchy and such a flirt. I'm sure his friends think he gets action nightly. If they only knew what a dud he really is.

What the reasoning for not...with you?

A new poster as a DW in a sexless marriage. DH says he's tired so I've cut way back on our schedule of seeing friends and family and even my job to accommodate his need for rest. He also suffers from anxiety but refuses to medicate or meditate to control it.

To the DWs in sexless marriages, are you sure your husband isn't a porn addict? That was the situation with a friend of mine and I've heard it's pretty common. I would explore that possibility if I were you.

No, he's not a porn addcit. But this sexless marriage might be turning me into one...jk/sorta

[Anonymous]

NP here. DW in a sexless marriage too. I definitely feel unloved. Now I'm wondering about the possibility of a porn addiction. How can I find out about this? I know he watches porn as he has told me as much after pestering him for an answer, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know to what extent. I'm pretty sure he uses the incognito mode in his computer.

[Anonymous]

She's not that into you. I mean there's a difference between Sex and lousy sex. Could it be that you just suck at it? And she doesn't feel like telling you ? At this point, you have a roommate .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. DW in a sexless marriage too. I definitely feel unloved. Now I'm wondering about the possibility of a porn addiction. How can I find out about this? I know he watches porn as he has told me as much after pestering him for an answer, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know to what extent. I'm pretty sure he uses the incognito mode in his computer.

You should start by understanding that this is not an officially recognized mental disorder or a recognized addiction, and that there are no diagnostic standards for determining if someone is "addicted" to porn. It is probably better described as a type of compulsion. If someone both frequently watches porn and frequently watching porn is negatively impacting their life, it should be tested as a problematic compulsion. But there is a real tendency to work backwards from the fact that there are other problems with someone or their relationships to blame porn consumption, when it is typically an effect, not a cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW doesn't seem to want to have sex anymore. I don't bug her about it- I'd be happy with once or twice a week, but she doesn't seem to want even that. Sometimes she's "not feeling well" or sometimes she's too tired, but basically it just doesn't happen anymore. I love my wife and don't want to have an affair. I don't want to be one of those porn-addicted guys. And I don't want to argue with DW about it like it's wanting her to do more of the housework or something. You can't "make a case" for having more sex. Either someone wants it or they don't, and I want her to want it. I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling like complete crap about myself and I don't want to have a life without sex.

9+ years here and counting. She just is never in the mood, ever. She's tired, not in the mood, too hot, too cold, that time, had a busy week, is going to have a busy week. The excuses are endless and no matter what logic I use she just refuses. She's knows how I feel, but also knows that I have no real options since I do not want to not see my kids everyday. Its been soul crushing to think that you married someone who claims she still loves you, but just has zero interest in sex. I'm growing more and more depressed and bitter and its hurting the rest of my life as well. I've asked her to see a doctor, she doesn't see the point. I asked this weekend if she even wants to be married to me anymore. She was shocked i even asked that and told me she loved me. When I told that this just isn't normal and that people that love each other have regular sex she told me - "You don't know that. I haven't asked my friends but I don't think they would think its odd". And its not just intercourse, its anything. I have no idea what to do anymore and I'm just growing more and more despondent every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. DW in a sexless marriage too. I definitely feel unloved. Now I'm wondering about the possibility of a porn addiction. How can I find out about this? I know he watches porn as he has told me as much after pestering him for an answer, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know to what extent. I'm pretty sure he uses the incognito mode in his computer.

You should start by understanding that this is not an officially recognized mental disorder or a recognized addiction, and that there are no diagnostic standards for determining if someone is "addicted" to porn. It is probably better described as a type of compulsion. If someone both frequently watches porn and frequently watching porn is negatively impacting their life, it should be tested as a problematic compulsion. But there is a real tendency to work backwards from the fact that there are other problems with someone or their relationships to blame porn consumption, when it is typically an effect, not a cause.

There might not be a DSM code but they do recognize that this can be an addiction and there are guides that can be used to assess.

http://www.psychguides.com/assessments/porn/

And compulsion? Splitting hairs there as compulsion is a part of the definition for addictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW doesn't seem to want to have sex anymore. I don't bug her about it- I'd be happy with once or twice a week, but she doesn't seem to want even that. Sometimes she's "not feeling well" or sometimes she's too tired, but basically it just doesn't happen anymore. I love my wife and don't want to have an affair. I don't want to be one of those porn-addicted guys. And I don't want to argue with DW about it like it's wanting her to do more of the housework or something. You can't "make a case" for having more sex. Either someone wants it or they don't, and I want her to want it. I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling like complete crap about myself and I don't want to have a life without sex.

Hit the gym, lawyer up...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW doesn't seem to want to have sex anymore. I don't bug her about it- I'd be happy with once or twice a week, but she doesn't seem to want even that. Sometimes she's "not feeling well" or sometimes she's too tired, but basically it just doesn't happen anymore. I love my wife and don't want to have an affair. I don't want to be one of those porn-addicted guys. And I don't want to argue with DW about it like it's wanting her to do more of the housework or something. You can't "make a case" for having more sex. Either someone wants it or they don't, and I want her to want it. I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling like complete crap about myself and I don't want to have a life without sex.

9+ years here and counting. She just is never in the mood, ever. She's tired, not in the mood, too hot, too cold, that time, had a busy week, is going to have a busy week. The excuses are endless and no matter what logic I use she just refuses. She's knows how I feel, but also knows that I have no real options since I do not want to not see my kids everyday. Its been soul crushing to think that you married someone who claims she still loves you, but just has zero interest in sex. I'm growing more and more depressed and bitter and its hurting the rest of my life as well. I've asked her to see a doctor, she doesn't see the point. I asked this weekend if she even wants to be married to me anymore. She was shocked i even asked that and told me she loved me. When I told that this just isn't normal and that people that love each other have regular sex she told me - "You don't know that. I haven't asked my friends but I don't think they would think its odd". And its not just intercourse, its anything. I have no idea what to do anymore and I'm just growing more and more despondent every day.

You haven't had sex in 9 years? At all?

I am usually the last person to suggest counselling, but dear lord get one. Even the most sex negative counselor will tell your wife sex is an essential ingredient in a marriage and your situation is beyond abnormal.

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. Guys on an anonymous forum, posting how they have not had sex in YEARS. As if an anonymous forum could ever help you. HELLO! Wake Up! Declare the marriage open (and go directly out to find your affair partner) or get divorced. Sexless marriage instantly fixed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's obviously a good idea to help with housework, but don't do it because you think it will solve your sex issues, or you will be disappointed. I also have a sexless marriage. First it was because she was stressed being a newlywed, then she was stressed because she was unemployed, then she thought I didn't do enogh housework, then she thought I was out of shape, then we had our first kid, then she thought she was out of shape, then we had our second kid, then she thought she was out of shape again, then she thought it was because we didn't have enough date nights. We addressed every one of these issues and nothing changed. We're in shape now, we have jobs, we split housework, we have regular date nights. . . that might all be good for our marriage in other ways but didn't change anything at all about sex.

....sorry, not laughing at you, just laughing at all her excuses.

Sorry, dude. As you know, the excuses are bullshit. She just doesn't want to have sex with you anymore.

I'm sorry.

That's not fair, she said she loves him. Personally I don't think she wants to share the real reason. I know myself I am not attracted to guys over 45. Most look too old no matter how well they've taken care of themselves, it's the age factor and as you age attraction can go out the window for sex. That's one theory, which I've heard from other women. Men too.

Another, she was never excited about sex to begin with. It's a chore to many people and sucks if's its another obligation at the end of the day. I suspect his wife values other things in the marriage, sex being on the low priority. Unfortunately the DH has placed it too high especially since the rest of the marriage seems to be going well.

I had a good friend that divorced her husband for many reasons but sex was one of them. She confided in me they hadn't had sex in years. I was shocked and thought they had a great marriage. His grown kids were probably the biggest problem. After she divorced him she got with this guy that expected sex 3 times a week, lol. She ended up dumping him, and tried to get her ex back. All of us told her not to divorce him as she had it made, she finally realized we were right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't fix it. Some people just have low sex drives. Accept it or move on.

LOL No kdding, see a doctor has to be the funniest one yet. Should women make men go to the doctor if they won't help more with the kids. Have little inclination to do housework? Fail to communicate enough for our needs?

You like chocolate ice cream, she isn't crazy about it. It's as simple as that.

People need to stop expecting one person to for fill all their needs, it will never happen. Why most marriages fail.

If your sex drive is that high, you have two hands. I'm pretty sure you don't for fill all her needs which is perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No need to respond to me. I just wonder if either it's her not enjoying sex with you or never really being physically attracted. It's odd for someone to lose interest in sex as a newlywed. If the sex was regular prior to the marriage, it might have a been a ruse.

It's ALWAYS a ruse. Which is why men should never get married.

If that's the main reason you got married you have bigger problems. Yes please stay single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't fix it. Some people just have low sex drives. Accept it or move on.

LOL No kdding, see a doctor has to be the funniest one yet. Should women make men go to the doctor if they won't help more with the kids. Have little inclination to do housework? Fail to communicate enough for our needs?

You like chocolate ice cream, she isn't crazy about it. It's as simple as that.

People need to stop expecting one person to for fill all their needs, it will never happen. Why most marriages fail.

If your sex drive is that high, you have two hands. I'm pretty sure you don't for fill all her needs which is perfectly normal.

Although you were vague, I assume you meant he should use his 2 hands to sign the divorce paperwork, or to go out an find an affair partner to meet those needs.