How do you deal with the humiliation of labor?

[Anonymous]

My MIL held one of my legs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one whose first thought re labor is -- it's going to be humiliating? FTM (obviously). I have months to adjust to this (and don't want an elective c section, nor will I consider a home birth), but the idea of having my legs wide open, having everyone see everything, being in pain on top of that (even with the epidural -- I can't believe you feel nothing though it would be great if that's true), and having all kinds of drs, nurses etc. in the room, holding my legs -- it just seems over the top humiliating. I realize there is no other option, but still . . . I'm not sure how women go from being full dressed all/most of the time to baring it all in front of strangers, while DH is standing there fully clothed just watching. Is it just that necessity or adrenaline or something takes over, or did you feel bothered or embarrassed when someone lifted a gown or stuck a hand down there etc? I had to get an EKG earlier this week and the nurse was taking her time with the leads and during that time the dr. walked in and started saying hello and I was embarrassed then -- small potatoes compared to labor/pushing etc. Thoughts?

The epidural is great. You will feel nothing except the overwhelming urge to push when the time comes. At that point you do not care, all you want is someone to help you get that baby out. These are professionals - they've seen it all. They don't care. They won't even notice much less remember the specifics of your anatomy. They could pass you on the street days later and not even recognize you. DH does not have to "stand down there fully clothed just watching." My DH held one of my legs, coached me, etc.

I understand your feelings and am not trying to minimize them, but trust me - you will not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think of it as good practice for when you have a toddler who can speak. Loudly. You'll be embarrassed constantly.

+1 My kid once announced to the world that I had a "hairy vagina" in a public bathroom stall that we were sharing. I almost died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. It's really interesting because that thought has never ever crossed mind. I'm a would be FTM (trying and having issues). I guess I just think of doctors as not strangers? Also no one says you have to have DH there, that's a relatively new thing. My mom thinks is bizarre that husbands are now in the labor room so on that front you can do what's comfortable. DH can also be just at the front nex tot your head and not see anything below the waist if you want. From your post you seem generally not comfortable without clothes even for medical stuff?
Maybe look at it as everyone helping you do this super cool thing your body was made to do. If you're in a practice with multiple doctors then I would try to have at least one appointment with each during your pregnancy so they're not a stranger come delivery time. Sorry I'm not more helpful but I kindly suggest making this not something you worry about. No one in the labor room would judge you for anything they see.

I did not want anyone BUT my DH there. My sisters had both my parents in the room, random family members, etc etc. Fucking weird if you ask me. DH has seen it all before and he's half of the team that created the baby in the first place! He SHOULD be there. I could have cared less how many doctors/nurses were there. Chances of seeing them again were slim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I survived a transvaginal u/s with my FIL in the room when I was early in the 2nd trimester and spotting and no one else was around to go with me to the hospital.

Any modesty I thought I had was long gone after that.

Did FIL have a good view? Why didn't he stay upwind?

Better yet, why did he have to go in with you? There wasn't a waiting room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I survived a transvaginal u/s with my FIL in the room when I was early in the 2nd trimester and spotting and no one else was around to go with me to the hospital.

Any modesty I thought I had was long gone after that.

Did FIL have a good view? Why didn't he stay upwind?

Better yet, why did he have to go in with you? There wasn't a waiting room?

No, no view, but I was lying under a sheet on a table half naked with the u/s wand shoved up inside me. That was uncomfortable enough.

We were in a foreign country where I speak a rudimentary version of the langauge and my FIL speaks none at all. The chances of getting separated were high and the ER waiting room was very small and packed to standing room only with people waiting to be seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the posters who were especially embarrassed about having pooped / the possibility of pooping, why didn't you just request an enema when you arrived at the hospital?

LOL. that's worse that pooping!

How so? And to the other PP, yes, it is not standard any more, but they will do one if you ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL held one of my legs!

I have zero modesty, but this crosses my line in the sand!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't possibly explain to you how much you will not care when the time comes. Honestly. Giving birth is a very intense experience. I've done it med free and with an epidural and both times, I just did not care who was in the room or who saw what. I just wanted that baby out, safe and healthy.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will not care once it gets under way and the doctors, nurses, residents, med students have seen it so many times, yours is just one more vagina.

Seriously, a gyno on a plane once told my husband you've seen one you've seen them all. They really don't care.

Sort of like plastic surgeons who do boob jobs; it becomes rather academic as they look at one boob after another.

[Anonymous]

Labor is like the least humiliating part about being a mother. At least you're in a place where nastiness is expected. Try dealing with poop, boogers, breastfeeding, embarrassing stuff your kid says to others, chasing kids around in public, and looking like a tired sack of potatoes for the next 5 years.

[Anonymous]

i can't believe this is even a question. you clearly need other things to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Ha! I was modest all my adult life until I had a baby.

First, you've already "show quite a bit" at OB appointments. The docs there have been there, done that a zillion times. A good OB is professional *and* personal, and s/he will make you feel very comfortable.

The nurses also: been there, done that. They've seen EVERYTHING. They've seen women poop on the table (almost everyone does--it gets whisked away quickly, cleaned up, ready to go, you might not even notice it); they've heard women scream that they want to tear their husband's heads off; they've seen men get all up in that business or faint at the mere thought...

So if there's any time in your life when you can feel both exceedingly special and exceedingly ordinary, it's when you're in labor.

No. One. Cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have the elective C. You are too posh to push.

Then the doctors would REALLY see everything!

Yeah, and it seemed like there were 100 nurses in the room during my c-section, all looking at not only my naked body but my guts as well. Lovely to think about. Not that I i was concerned about that part, but I would not suggest a purely elective C. Not fun.

[Anonymous]

I am very shy and hate being touched (or even noticed by) strangers. Hate getting my hair cut because it feels like an invasion of privacy. So I hear you. But there is something about late pregnancy and labor where your body stops being your normal body. Your belly is a life of its own, and it sort of takes over your body. I was in a birth center, not a hospital, so I labored in my street clothes for a long time, then when I wanted to get into the tub I just stripped off and did it, and never again, not once, thought about my body. Gave birth in the buff, nursed in the buff after birth, etc. About two hours after I gave birth the self consciousness came flooding back, and I refused help in the shower, cleaned up my own bloody mess in the bathroom because I was too embarrassed and proud to ask someone to clean up after me. My advice? Take the help! And don't worry about labor. Something primal really does kick in.