Can't commit. Tuition is scary.

[Anonymous]

:03: Where do you live? D.C.? Alexandria? Maryland?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it does seem like many of us are grappling with this issue and for many of the same reasons.

So, 21:40 and others who have grappled and made the final decision to go private.... what in the end brought you to the conclusion that the check needed to be written? What clinched it? And for those of you who wrote the checks and ripped them up before the deadline, what sent you the other way, since money may not have been the driving decision-maker if you could afford private?

I swear, every day I wake up and think, "But the public school would be great, because..." and by the time I am ready to go to sleep it's more "how can I do this to the children, especially if we can actually afford it?" Wake up next day and repeat.

Honestly-we have one child. We both work (I work a reduced work week though-30 hrs.) and have a nanny. We're used to the cost, $1300 a month (nanny share)-and the Montessori school we found is $11K a year. It's not going to have an impact on our finances. I think if we had to put more than one child into a private school-my husband would have issues (since we do have a fabulous public elementary school). Starting preschool at the school at the age of 3 also helped my argument-why not let him continue through 6th grade since he's used to the environment.

My BIGGEST concern is-what do we do for middle school??? AND-there is little to no homework through the age of 12-how do the kids cope with homework after they leave the school? I asked that question when I visted and sat in on a class-and was told the children didn't seem to have issues with homework after they went into the 7th grade. So-the middle school issue-I'm not into parochial schools, and most of the private schools are $20K and up. I have high school sort of worked out in my head. Middle schools seems to be a big concern around here!

[Anonymous]

my nieces went through montessori schools and then on to more traditional schools and they were just fine. One is in jr high school and one is in high school now and they are both doing great. I think you can rest easy on that one.

in terms of the writing the check for private school, we are thinking of trying to public, though i seriously feel sick thinking what if we are doing a wrong because we CAN afford it? it's not like we'd use the money to go on some wild gambling spree in vegas or for gold-plated toilets... it would go into a fund for high school or college. but still. i worry that even though we are thinking of sending our children to public schools for the best intentions (i.e., we are not just being cheap), it keeps me up at night thinking that we might be making a huge mistake. (but of course when we applied to private and then got in and started to write the check we were thinking "what if we are making a HUGE mistake and spending $20K....are we fooling ourselves? is it the emperor's new clothes scenario?"...

[Anonymous]

When I was stressing out over whether to pay the big bucks to send my daughter to the private school she wanted to go to (and whether to commit myself for another few years to a well-paying but uninspiring job), my shrink pointed out that she would have adolescent struggles wherever she went. He pointed out that I was making it seem like she would live or die by this one decision and that I talked as if I had all this control over her -- when in reality, teens have to take on some responsibility for learning how to cope themselves. Mom and Dad can't do it all. That helped reduce my stress considerably.

I realize that most people on this list are talking about very young children, so your responsibility for and control over your kids is much greater. But it may help to step back and realize that they will confront challenges wherever they go. It certainly helped me.

[Anonymous]

pp, did you use the private school?
BTW, you made some good points.

[Anonymous]

Decided to go ahead and send her but only after I talked to a lot of parents there and teachers, also realized how dh could make some extra money summers (teaching), and after I decided that dd's reasons for wanting to go to private school were sound. Still would have been happy for her to stay public and to use the money to supplement the weaknesses in her education (e.g., taking a summer geometry course to cover what she should have gotten this year but didn't). But I could see how this would be....well, in effect, her private college education. For university, she will have to go public but with the DC tuition assistance program (knock on wood it gets reauthorized) that will be doable.

All in all probably good to have both public and private, so the kid knows how to be comfortable being the only white kid in the room and also comfortable being among the elite.

[Anonymous]

Very disappointed tonight. Just spoke with a family who put their ds through a local private school. When they transitioned him in 9th grade, he nearly failed two classes, and was far behind. They said it was a complete waste of money.

[Anonymous]

It would be helpful to know what school ds came from to have that kind of achievement.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, don't take that one story as gospel. Perhaps it is completely true....but really, don't a multitude of things really add up to a failing grade? Who knows what other factors went into him "nearly" failing. Maybe it was the transition itself. Sometimes kids don't do well generally with change, and it will take him a while to feel comfortable in the new setting, with the new kids, etc. Maybe the 1st private school had a very different educational approach than the high school, and he needs time to get used to the new methods (progressive to traditional or vice versa, for instance). Or, maybe the kid finds the new school much more fun and just isn't focusing enough and the parents are using the "private school isn't worth it" to make themselves feel better about their son not doing well. I would actually fault the private HIGH SCHOOL, who should have been working with the son to get what he needs (and to alert the parents so that they could also work with him) so that he DIDN'T do poorly. And, finally.... some parents consider a C grade to be "nearly" failing, so they might be overblowing the situation.

Who knows.

I just think there are too many other situation-specific factors that are probably in play here for you to take away the message: "private school is a waste of money."

[Anonymous]

I am a mom who started off in private school. Actually, catholic parish schools. We could not have been more disappointed. We transitioned our kids over to public school and could not be happier Our kids have friends who are much kinder and their parents are open and caring. My husband and I never attended public schools, so we were a bit phobic. It is not perfect but a lot better than our experience in catholic schools. Our kids need to be prepared to live in a much more diverse world than we ever knew as children and we feel we are giving them insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very disappointed tonight. Just spoke with a family who put their ds through a local private school. When they transitioned him in 9th grade, he nearly failed two classes, and was far behind. They said it was a complete waste of money.

I have heard many more stories like that. Many parents wont admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remembered that I went to mediocre public schools and turned out just fine (went to tipsy topsy ivy league college & professional schools! am happy! am solvent!).

This is one of my favorite quotes. At the end of the day no matter what school - I just want to be happy and solvent and want the same for my children

[Anonymous]

I am a mom who started off in private school. Actually, catholic parish schools. We could not have been more disappointed. We transitioned our kids over to public school and could not be happier Our kids have friends who are much kinder and their parents are open and caring. My husband and I never attended public schools, so we were a bit phobic. It is not perfect but a lot better than our experience in catholic schools. Our kids need to be prepared to live in a much more diverse world than we ever knew as children and we feel we are giving them insight.

Could you say what school this is? We are planning to send our son to a catholic school.

[Anonymous]

I do not believe that you can compare Catholic schools to private schools. Typically, Catholic school provides an inferior education to a good public schools and it has been that way for generations. There have been many educational studies on this. It is the RARE Catholic school that is educationally superior, but there are many private schools that are. I am speaking as someone who grew up Catholic, experience all three types of schools, and has my children in a top Washington private school. It is well worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not believe that you can compare Catholic schools to private schools. Typically, Catholic school provides an inferior education to a good public schools and it has been that way for generations. There have been many educational studies on this. It is the RARE Catholic school that is educationally superior, but there are many private schools that are. I am speaking as someone who grew up Catholic, experience all three types of schools, and has my children in a top Washington private school. It is well worth it.

Agree. It is a shame that more people don't know this. I see too many lower income families scraping together to pay for Catholic School, when they might have been better off in public.