Is HE the AH?

[Anonymous]

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

DP. A person who wants a harmonious existence doesn’t say every dumb thought that passes through his/her brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

Yes. This is how normal people talk. You just kind of say what’s on your mind and talk about what happened during your day.
I just had a conversation with my husband this morning and as part of it I told him that our neighbor’s dad died. He said, “Oh, that’s really sad.” He echoed my opinion back to me. It was totally fine.

Because he just happened to have the same opinion as you this time.

If (hypothetically) he didn’t find it sad that an old man died, would you run his comment that he put all of 20 seconds of thought into past the internet thought police to figure out whether he was an AH? I don’t think that’s how normal people talk or treat each other, actually.

If you haven’t put more than 20 seconds of thought into something, you don’t need to express your poorly informed opinions. Just go with the flow. Say it’s sad that the kids’ grandpa died and that it’s good the widow gets to do something fun.

Of course, if there is something that you feel strongly about, then you should express your opinion and disagree with your spouse. But if you don’t actually care, then just go with it.

No one here cares how much thought he put into it. If he had thought about this for years, people would have the same reaction. People here are mad that he committed the crime of disagreeing with a women (both his wife and the coworker).

If he had thought about it for years, and one of his core beliefs is that women should never leave their children with a sitter or grandparents overnight, then of course he should bring it up.
And of course people would be mad about it. It’s a controversial belief.

PP’s point was that it isn’t actually a core principle that this man lives his life on. It’s just something he said without much thought.

[Anonymous]

Do you and DH never travel without the kids?

[Anonymous]

Would be pretty boring if the husband blindly agreed with every comment gossipy remark OP made. Why bother talking at all? Just scroll on the phone and nod the head once in awhile and say "I agree" every other minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

[Anonymous]

She’s a good mom and I hope she laid.

Your DH is a prick.

-Married dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

I know that modern women are supposed to girl boss their children out of their lives as soon as possible, but abandoning your children isn't small stuff to a lot of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

I know that modern women are supposed to girl boss their children out of their lives as soon as possible, but abandoning your children isn't small stuff to a lot of us.

A three day trip isn’t abandoning your kids.

[Anonymous]

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

DP. A person who wants a harmonious existence doesn’t say every dumb thought that passes through his/her brain.

You have missed the point. The issue is not that a person is stating a "dumb thought". The issue is how the person's partner reacts when they perceive their partner is stating "a dumb thought".

This is a prompt to answer the question regarding going with the flow. If the poster believes they cannot respond to what their partner is stating, there is a problem. Now, of course, a partner should tailor their response to what was said, using good manners and common sense.

You should start taking your own advice by not posting every dumb thought that passes through your brain (if that is possible).

[Anonymous]

You know nothing about this woman. How do you know she left her kids alone to getaway for a few days? You don’t. Your DH is being a judgemental AH.

[Anonymous]

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

So, for you, the answer is "Yes, you have 'go with it' to have a sexual relationship with your spouse"?

Your post rambles. However, you seem to be making a point that you do not need to respond antagonistically to certain remarks from your spouse, and that people should gauge their response based on the potential impact of the statement. How is this not true of almost every interaction you will have with any human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

NP. She thinks it's a good thing, he disagrees. That's a normal conversation.

You know what they say about opinions...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

He's entitled to his opinion, but that opinion can also make him the AH. See how that works?