Feeling resentful after sacrificing for my DH’s career—how to restore balance?

[Anonymous]

I am a guy who makes a lot more than my wife.

There is no reason in the world he cannot work from home on Friday and you still have your event. Even in an apartment- you seem seriously unhinged.

[Anonymous]

This is something that two mature, caring adults should be able to figure out together. I don't understand why you two aren't willing to do so.

[Anonymous]

It feels like this is a power struggle being projected onto the Friday morning event, and a question of respect. This is a solvable problem (the Friday morning event) but the larger power struggle needs work, and also your sense that he is not respecting your boundaries.

I would either:

- keep your Friday morning event, which he should respect, and find him a work space (look for an Industrious near your house, or a we Work)

or

- host your event at a social club or other rental space (and charge it to him - if money is no issue, you could join a social club and host it in a private room - it will probably be expensive though)

Either way, there is a greater cost of respect here -- which it feels like you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the specific condition?

I’ve had a long-standing personal/health/wellbeing routine at home that keeps me grounded and brings me joy, but his new role comes with requirements that conflict with it. When I agreed to the life changes that came with his role, my one condition was that it not interfere with this, and now it has. He’s suggested a workaround, but it’s not ideal for me and isn’t what we originally agreed to. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between being supportive and giving up too much of myself. I don’t want to get too specific because it is very unique.

You are going to have to make adjustments. This sounds like something you can do at home and so adjust the timing. If you have kids get a sitter at that time if you need too.

My husband recently amped up his career and I down played mine a lot! I get annoyed when I have to do ALL the dishes and many of the household chores - but hey - I’m not commuting everyday and working a high stress job so . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore him and keep holding your event. Yes he’s being selfish so be selfish too. Women give give give. Take what you want. Be your own advocate and fighter.

Ok. I agree with this now. Tell him to find a quiet corner in the house or go to the office. My husband sometimes will go to the library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who makes a lot more than my wife.

There is no reason in the world he cannot work from home on Friday and you still have your event. Even in an apartment- you seem seriously unhinged.

I’m guessing that there are multiple small children.

[Anonymous]

Why does it seem like half the people on this forum have never had children or a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have to give more info because people assume it has to do with childcare or that I’m some other poster who posted above moving. That’s not me and this has nothing to do with childcare.

So, I host a weekly event on Friday mornings from my home. It’s been ongoing most every Friday for years. Now all of a sudden my husband has a WFH option on Fridays. His workaround for me is to host Saturday, or later on Fridays, or from somewhere else, but that doesn’t work for the others, and I’m not interested in moving this to the weekend or somewhere else. He needs quiet, so my hosting is a conflict.

Someone asked what I would advise as a workaround, and that would be for HIM to WFH somewhere else on Fridays, but I can’t, because he’s the “breadwinner” and so his preference trumps mine.

But I was assured the house would be mine on Friday mornings. I was very clear in this, and he knew how important this was to me.

You have a husband problem.
Since he's the breadwinner he views you as less..

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Your DH does not need to WFH. It’s optional. Tell him he can go into the office on Fridays or he can find a quiet corner of the home and shut the door.

-DH in the office 5 days/week

[Anonymous]

Him being the "breadwinner" is irrelevant. Continue holding your event. He can work from home at the library, in a bedroom, in his car, or another day. Not. your. problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it seem like half the people on this forum have never had children or a job?

Are you kidding? I have a job and children. What does that have to do with this situation? OP isn't asking her DH to watch the children. Nothing is impinging on his ability to work.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked that so many are telling OP to suck it up. She has One Thing, and there are no impediments to her continuing her One Thing. Why should she change it? I don't see the logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who makes a lot more than my wife.

There is no reason in the world he cannot work from home on Friday and you still have your event. Even in an apartment- you seem seriously unhinged.

I’m guessing that there are multiple small children.

Isn't that what headphones are for?

[Anonymous]

Misplaced anger.

You made a critical error in your life choices and now you want to blame your H.

You can mourn your losses without blaming others.

He can’t do 1 thing you asked for but he does 100+ other things.

Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger.

You made a critical error in your life choices and now you want to blame your H.

You can mourn your losses without blaming others.

He can’t do 1 thing you asked for but he does 100+ other things.

Jeez.

What about the 100 other things that OP does? He can't do 1 thing she explicitly asked for?