Am I delusional?

[Anonymous]

At our ss school, the June birthdays are mostly 6 when they start K (1 or 2 young June bdays each year). The July/August birthdays are all 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I didn't expect being at a TT girls' school was just how much the culture of places like the Knickerbocker club influence the social life. Starting in Fifth grade, there are all these clubs and dances, and the girls are desperate to get invites to them, and then spend all their time talking about clothes and hair, etc.

Lol, so much for those schools being the self-proclaimed “bastions of independent female intellectual leadership.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I didn't expect being at a TT girls' school was just how much the culture of places like the Knickerbocker club influence the social life. Starting in Fifth grade, there are all these clubs and dances, and the girls are desperate to get invites to them, and then spend all their time talking about clothes and hair, etc. I had no idea this culture still existed and it took me by surprise. I went to a girls school out west, and it was a great place for tomboys and athletes, but the UES girls' schools are not.

Which of the girls schools are like this?

[Anonymous]

Took awhile to catch up.

1) what feeder school is this? We currently go to a feeder school (unconnected family) and our PSD only asked us to give her the list of schools we plan on applying to. Never did she say which ones we should and shouldn’t consider. The only caveats she mentioned were schools she knew had a lot of legacy and siblings applying.

2) many have mentioned this but the most important thing is a child’s social-emotional maturity and less about how academic they are.

3) I have a late August bday girl. We went ahead applied last year for K and of course was told “too young” to all the schools we were most interested in (one liked her and probably would of accepted her but we weren’t a fan of the school). Our PSD didn’t tell us we had to red shirt our daughter and was totally supportive when we wanted to try to apply anyway. We were essentially red shirted by the ongoing schools not our preschool.

4) My daughter got in to our first choice TT SS school for this coming year. I am happy she had another year in PreK, she’s grown so much and is learning so fast and I have no worries she won’t excel both academically and socially.

5) I feel like NYC is this weird “bubble” where parents and caregivers think their child needs to read and write by 3/4 and be efficient in math by 4/5 (multiplication, addition, subtraction etc). It’s not like this across the country or even the world. Scandinavia leads in education outcomes and they do not push academics or homework until about grade 4. All this to say is that the cut off for public school in NYC is extraordinarily late compared to many other places.

6) if you feel strongly your child needs a more academic setting and would be unhappy if red shirted by ongoing schools, you should look in to public school. Of anything you can do public school K for one year and have her possibly repeat K in private (that’s if they feel she isn’t 1st grade ready). I know a few kids who did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took awhile to catch up.

1) what feeder school is this? We currently go to a feeder school (unconnected family) and our PSD only asked us to give her the list of schools we plan on applying to. Never did she say which ones we should and shouldn’t consider. The only caveats she mentioned were schools she knew had a lot of legacy and siblings applying.

2) many have mentioned this but the most important thing is a child’s social-emotional maturity and less about how academic they are.

3) I have a late August bday girl. We went ahead applied last year for K and of course was told “too young” to all the schools we were most interested in (one liked her and probably would of accepted her but we weren’t a fan of the school). Our PSD didn’t tell us we had to red shirt our daughter and was totally supportive when we wanted to try to apply anyway. We were essentially red shirted by the ongoing schools not our preschool.

4) My daughter got in to our first choice TT SS school for this coming year. I am happy she had another year in PreK, she’s grown so much and is learning so fast and I have no worries she won’t excel both academically and socially.

5) I feel like NYC is this weird “bubble” where parents and caregivers think their child needs to read and write by 3/4 and be efficient in math by 4/5 (multiplication, addition, subtraction etc). It’s not like this across the country or even the world. Scandinavia leads in education outcomes and they do not push academics or homework until about grade 4. All this to say is that the cut off for public school in NYC is extraordinarily late compared to many other places.

6) if you feel strongly your child needs a more academic setting and would be unhappy if red shirted by ongoing schools, you should look in to public school. Of anything you can do public school K for one year and have her possibly repeat K in private (that’s if they feel she isn’t 1st grade ready). I know a few kids who did this.

OP here

1. Our school didn't say "don't apply" but when we mentioned applying to Riverdale and Dalton, they immediately said they didn't think it would be a good fit. I don't want to mention which school it is for privacy.

2. Totally understand on the SEL component but I just don't see what they see in school, so the feedback came as a bit of a surprise.

3. We're not trying to make our kid do anything academic, it genuinely has been self-motivated by her. She's not "gifted" or anything but she's very curious and asks A LOT of questions at home so we were surprised to hear that she wasn't engaging in school, and we're now not sure it's the right environment for her.

4/5. Our Pre-K does let us repeat a year but because of the concerns I mentioned I'm not enthused by the idea of her doing an extra year there. We're considering applying her to Pre-K through 12 schools for 2027 but I know those are pretty competitive too. I really don't want her to go to public school and then switch her out again to private in 2028, that's three different schools in three years which is a lot of instability for a kid her age.

We will most likely just pick a good school zone and stick with private for elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took awhile to catch up.

1) what feeder school is this? We currently go to a feeder school (unconnected family) and our PSD only asked us to give her the list of schools we plan on applying to. Never did she say which ones we should and shouldn’t consider. The only caveats she mentioned were schools she knew had a lot of legacy and siblings applying.

2) many have mentioned this but the most important thing is a child’s social-emotional maturity and less about how academic they are.

3) I have a late August bday girl. We went ahead applied last year for K and of course was told “too young” to all the schools we were most interested in (one liked her and probably would of accepted her but we weren’t a fan of the school). Our PSD didn’t tell us we had to red shirt our daughter and was totally supportive when we wanted to try to apply anyway. We were essentially red shirted by the ongoing schools not our preschool.

4) My daughter got in to our first choice TT SS school for this coming year. I am happy she had another year in PreK, she’s grown so much and is learning so fast and I have no worries she won’t excel both academically and socially.

5) I feel like NYC is this weird “bubble” where parents and caregivers think their child needs to read and write by 3/4 and be efficient in math by 4/5 (multiplication, addition, subtraction etc). It’s not like this across the country or even the world. Scandinavia leads in education outcomes and they do not push academics or homework until about grade 4. All this to say is that the cut off for public school in NYC is extraordinarily late compared to many other places.

6) if you feel strongly your child needs a more academic setting and would be unhappy if red shirted by ongoing schools, you should look in to public school. Of anything you can do public school K for one year and have her possibly repeat K in private (that’s if they feel she isn’t 1st grade ready). I know a few kids who did this.

OP here

1. Our school didn't say "don't apply" but when we mentioned applying to Riverdale and Dalton, they immediately said they didn't think it would be a good fit. I don't want to mention which school it is for privacy.

2. Totally understand on the SEL component but I just don't see what they see in school, so the feedback came as a bit of a surprise.

3. We're not trying to make our kid do anything academic, it genuinely has been self-motivated by her. She's not "gifted" or anything but she's very curious and asks A LOT of questions at home so we were surprised to hear that she wasn't engaging in school, and we're now not sure it's the right environment for her.

4/5. Our Pre-K does let us repeat a year but because of the concerns I mentioned I'm not enthused by the idea of her doing an extra year there. We're considering applying her to Pre-K through 12 schools for 2027 but I know those are pretty competitive too. I really don't want her to go to public school and then switch her out again to private in 2028, that's three different schools in three years which is a lot of instability for a kid her age.

We will most likely just pick a good school zone and stick with private for elementary.

Sorry I meant stick with "public" not private.

[Anonymous]

OP what did you decide? We were equally blindsided by recent feedback telling us our child isn’t showing interest in early literacy activities at school. I believe them but know they have zero structure at this preschool so I can see my child being drawn to the chaos and also preferring to play with the lovely provocations rather than sitting down to be “quizzed” without being shown any letters, numbers or even proper calendars with days of the week, weather etc. some kids really thrive on predictability, expectation heads up and reputation rather total open-ended approaches that throw them off when it’s time for fun and when it’s actually time that I’m being asked serious qs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide? We were equally blindsided by recent feedback telling us our child isn’t showing interest in early literacy activities at school. I believe them but know they have zero structure at this preschool so I can see my child being drawn to the chaos and also preferring to play with the lovely provocations rather than sitting down to be “quizzed” without being shown any letters, numbers or even proper calendars with days of the week, weather etc. some kids really thrive on predictability, expectation heads up and reputation rather total open-ended approaches that throw them off when it’s time for fun and when it’s actually time that I’m being asked serious qs.

OP here - no decisions yet, and I do think the lack of structure is an issue for my kid as well. I reached out to an educational consultant who does assessments (would never have done this if not for the school's feedback) and after an hour-long assessment was told that DD is beyond where most kids her age are in terms of pre-literacy and very advanced in math, showed strong attention and executive function and was able to creatively solve problems. They did note that she was on the quieter side but that's how she is with new people, I can't do much to change that nor would I want to. Maybe her issues are more evident in group settings so we've been trying to do more playdates and socialize more, and we'll work more on that during the summer.

We're not going to switch schools ATP, so we'll hopefully have a better run 4s class next year (the current head teacher is relatively green). I'm not going to switch schools because it's too much change for my kid. We'll apply where we want and if we don't get in we'll stick with our zoned PS.

[Anonymous]

Brearley. I know, I didn’t expect it either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I didn't expect being at a TT girls' school was just how much the culture of places like the Knickerbocker club influence the social life. Starting in Fifth grade, there are all these clubs and dances, and the girls are desperate to get invites to them, and then spend all their time talking about clothes and hair, etc. I had no idea this culture still existed and it took me by surprise. I went to a girls school out west, and it was a great place for tomboys and athletes, but the UES girls' schools are not.

Which of the girls schools are like this?

[Anonymous]

With the red-shirting, there is a ton of research on how it’s not good for the actual kid to redshirt. It leads to poor long term academic outcomes because they are never forced to meet age appropriate standards so they sail along and then crash into a wall in middle. Just look into it before you do it, educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Did you attend a different school before your current school? Was the feedback from your previous school in line with your expectation?

Honestly this is fascinating to me because I’ve always had the opposite feeling — that schools tend to be extremely generous with feedback unless there’s a serious concern. I routinely think my own kids are pretty mediocre and then hear glowing reports. 😂Hearing such a mismatch between home and school perceptions must feel really disorienting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide? We were equally blindsided by recent feedback telling us our child isn’t showing interest in early literacy activities at school. I believe them but know they have zero structure at this preschool so I can see my child being drawn to the chaos and also preferring to play with the lovely provocations rather than sitting down to be “quizzed” without being shown any letters, numbers or even proper calendars with days of the week, weather etc. some kids really thrive on predictability, expectation heads up and reputation rather total open-ended approaches that throw them off when it’s time for fun and when it’s actually time that I’m being asked serious qs.

OP here - no decisions yet, and I do think the lack of structure is an issue for my kid as well. I reached out to an educational consultant who does assessments (would never have done this if not for the school's feedback) and after an hour-long assessment was told that DD is beyond where most kids her age are in terms of pre-literacy and very advanced in math, showed strong attention and executive function and was able to creatively solve problems. They did note that she was on the quieter side but that's how she is with new people, I can't do much to change that nor would I want to. Maybe her issues are more evident in group settings so we've been trying to do more playdates and socialize more, and we'll work more on that during the summer.

We're not going to switch schools ATP, so we'll hopefully have a better run 4s class next year (the current head teacher is relatively green). I'm not going to switch schools because it's too much change for my kid. We'll apply where we want and if we don't get in we'll stick with our zoned PS.

Hi OP glad you were able to get some insights with a professional. May I ask who did you use to perform the assessment? Was it done at your home (your kid’s familiar space)? I’m asking because what I see at home is also quite different from what they report in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide? We were equally blindsided by recent feedback telling us our child isn’t showing interest in early literacy activities at school. I believe them but know they have zero structure at this preschool so I can see my child being drawn to the chaos and also preferring to play with the lovely provocations rather than sitting down to be “quizzed” without being shown any letters, numbers or even proper calendars with days of the week, weather etc. some kids really thrive on predictability, expectation heads up and reputation rather total open-ended approaches that throw them off when it’s time for fun and when it’s actually time that I’m being asked serious qs.

OP here - no decisions yet, and I do think the lack of structure is an issue for my kid as well. I reached out to an educational consultant who does assessments (would never have done this if not for the school's feedback) and after an hour-long assessment was told that DD is beyond where most kids her age are in terms of pre-literacy and very advanced in math, showed strong attention and executive function and was able to creatively solve problems. They did note that she was on the quieter side but that's how she is with new people, I can't do much to change that nor would I want to. Maybe her issues are more evident in group settings so we've been trying to do more playdates and socialize more, and we'll work more on that during the summer.

We're not going to switch schools ATP, so we'll hopefully have a better run 4s class next year (the current head teacher is relatively green). I'm not going to switch schools because it's too much change for my kid. We'll apply where we want and if we don't get in we'll stick with our zoned PS.

I would start looking ahead to see who the potential teachers could be and what the current families in the class have to say about the class. Start looking to prepare the child over the summer and talking about how much they have grown over the summer and first few weeks with the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide? We were equally blindsided by recent feedback telling us our child isn’t showing interest in early literacy activities at school. I believe them but know they have zero structure at this preschool so I can see my child being drawn to the chaos and also preferring to play with the lovely provocations rather than sitting down to be “quizzed” without being shown any letters, numbers or even proper calendars with days of the week, weather etc. some kids really thrive on predictability, expectation heads up and reputation rather total open-ended approaches that throw them off when it’s time for fun and when it’s actually time that I’m being asked serious qs.

OP here - no decisions yet, and I do think the lack of structure is an issue for my kid as well. I reached out to an educational consultant who does assessments (would never have done this if not for the school's feedback) and after an hour-long assessment was told that DD is beyond where most kids her age are in terms of pre-literacy and very advanced in math, showed strong attention and executive function and was able to creatively solve problems. They did note that she was on the quieter side but that's how she is with new people, I can't do much to change that nor would I want to. Maybe her issues are more evident in group settings so we've been trying to do more playdates and socialize more, and we'll work more on that during the summer.

We're not going to switch schools ATP, so we'll hopefully have a better run 4s class next year (the current head teacher is relatively green). I'm not going to switch schools because it's too much change for my kid. We'll apply where we want and if we don't get in we'll stick with our zoned PS.

Hi OP glad you were able to get some insights with a professional. May I ask who did you use to perform the assessment? Was it done at your home (your kid’s familiar space)? I’m asking because what I see at home is also quite different from what they report in school.

I don't want to share the name for privacy reasons but it's one of the more well known consultants in the city recommended by lots of people on fb. The assessment was not in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what did you decide? We were equally blindsided by recent feedback telling us our child isn’t showing interest in early literacy activities at school. I believe them but know they have zero structure at this preschool so I can see my child being drawn to the chaos and also preferring to play with the lovely provocations rather than sitting down to be “quizzed” without being shown any letters, numbers or even proper calendars with days of the week, weather etc. some kids really thrive on predictability, expectation heads up and reputation rather total open-ended approaches that throw them off when it’s time for fun and when it’s actually time that I’m being asked serious qs.

OP here - no decisions yet, and I do think the lack of structure is an issue for my kid as well. I reached out to an educational consultant who does assessments (would never have done this if not for the school's feedback) and after an hour-long assessment was told that DD is beyond where most kids her age are in terms of pre-literacy and very advanced in math, showed strong attention and executive function and was able to creatively solve problems. They did note that she was on the quieter side but that's how she is with new people, I can't do much to change that nor would I want to. Maybe her issues are more evident in group settings so we've been trying to do more playdates and socialize more, and we'll work more on that during the summer.

We're not going to switch schools ATP, so we'll hopefully have a better run 4s class next year (the current head teacher is relatively green). I'm not going to switch schools because it's too much change for my kid. We'll apply where we want and if we don't get in we'll stick with our zoned PS.

I would start looking ahead to see who the potential teachers could be and what the current families in the class have to say about the class. Start looking to prepare the child over the summer and talking about how much they have grown over the summer and first few weeks with the teacher.

We plan to! Also are going to be more aggressive with requesting feedback every few weeks.