Isolated moms, why not get support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

The classes I take won’t affect the child directly.

Ultimately, as long as both the child and the parents are happy, there’s no issue here.

The concern only arose because the parents aren’t happy with the situation.

However, like many people in this setting, they came across as standoffish, self-centered, and had unrealistic expectations of others while holding few of their own. There's not much to be done about that.

[Anonymous]

The OP is a real b for not making small talk with the mom who was making an effort. Get over yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is a real b for not making small talk with the mom who was making an effort. Get over yourself

+1 From her own post she said the husband was looking at his phone but the mom was trying to interact. The mom is the one who wants to make connections but she's saddled with this unfriendly husband. What exactly is she supposed to do about that? You said yourself she was trying.
How did we get to a point where friendship is only possible for a kid OR a woman when every single member of your family is a sparkling extrovert?
I went to one of these events just for moms and the other women kept gushing "we can't wait to meet your husband." WHY? Why can't we be friends without dragging him into it? You're just going to be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

The mom probably interacted with others and made small talk but then when it was clear the other moms just wanted to chat with their established friends, she went and sat by her husband and felt lonely. I feel bad for her. I also don’t feel she needs therapy. She just needs a less exclusive/ cliquish group of people to hang around with at school events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP is a real b for not making small talk with the mom who was making an effort. Get over yourself

+1 From her own post she said the husband was looking at his phone but the mom was trying to interact. The mom is the one who wants to make connections but she's saddled with this unfriendly husband. What exactly is she supposed to do about that? You said yourself she was trying.
How did we get to a point where friendship is only possible for a kid OR a woman when every single member of your family is a sparkling extrovert?
I went to one of these events just for moms and the other women kept gushing "we can't wait to meet your husband." WHY? Why can't we be friends without dragging him into it? You're just going to be disappointed.

I often feel like I’m left out of things where it is expected for both me and DH to show up for this reason. I have worked hard to make friends in our smallish town full of people who have known each other since high school. I’ve been successful for the most part, mostly with moms of my younger daughters friends, since she is extroverted like me and made many friends very quickly. My older son is more reserved and while I’m the same friendly person to the moms in his grade, and they’re friendly back to me, they don’t invite me to backyard BBQs because my child isn’t friends with theirs, and I do get that, but it is weird that the focus is on “our kids must be friends too”. And it’s the same with DH, who is wonderful, but also reserved and not super interested in making a ton of dad friends who are, in his words, “bros stuck in high school”. Which I totally support. But it also means I don’t get invited to adult stuff either since it’s always couples, and it works best if the moms AND the dads are friends. Basically, my social life consists of mom friends of my younger daughter , since she is a coveted playmate for this after school family get togethers and I can always say my husband has to work. It’s wierd

[Anonymous]

They throw these events hoping that the new parents make friends with each other. They have zero interest in actually welcoming them.
UNTIL they learn that someone has a high status job, connections, lives in the hot neighborhood, or their kid is a star athlete...then they suddenly remember their manners. Even if it takes a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who aren’t looking for social connection are fine the way they are. But for those who do want it:

1. Welcoming vs. Connection

Welcoming = being open, kind, polite, non-excluding.

Inclusive = treating someone as part of the group, inviting them to participate, not shutting them out.

But some people mean something very different:

They want reciprocal emotional closeness.

They want friendship chemistry.

They want a deeper personal relationship.

Those things can never be guaranteed, no matter how welcoming a group is. Chemistry is organic. It can’t be forced.

2. Why Some People React With Blame

When someone interprets “they were polite to me” as “they like me,” a mismatch happens.
If the connection doesn’t grow the way they imagined, the disappointment is personal, and so they conclude:

“They’re cliquey.”

“They excluded me.”

“They didn’t try hard enough.”

“They don’t like outsiders.”

Blame becomes a shield for:

hurt feelings

insecurities

fear of rejection

a belief that others “owe” them emotional closeness

3. Emotional Maturity and Skill Gaps

Not everyone has developed:

healthy expectations of social groups

the ability to tolerate ambiguity (“Do they like me?”)

resilience around rejection

the understanding that warmth ≠ friendship

People who struggle in these areas often default to anger or accusations because it’s easier than admitting:

“I feel lonely.”

“I hoped for more than what they can give.”

“I don’t know how to build friendships slowly.”

4. A Healthy, Realistic Boundary

“People can be polite and welcoming, but they’re not obligated to become my close friends.”

That understanding makes social life smoother. It reduces entitlement and protects everyone involved.

5. Many people struggle with this.

It doesn’t mean the people who struggle are “bad,” but it does mean:

their expectations are unrealistic

their emotional reactions have more to do with their internal world than with the behavior of others

I love it when people who ramble about social skills (posting what appears to be AI slop) fail to understand the actual social situation. The mom in this scenario wasn’t mistaking politeness for friendship. She was in a setting where the other parents weren’t even being polite at all (ie not opening up the conversation to others in a social setting that is supposed to be inclusive.)

You are dismissive, personally insulting (“AI slop,” “ramble”) and contemptuous.

Contempt is one of the most corrosive conversational tones because it shuts down any real exchange. It signals:

“I’m not trying to understand you.”
“I am morally or intellectually above you.”
“Your perspective isn’t worth engaging with.”

People often do that when:
they’re projecting their own frustration
they’re emotionally charged about the topic
they feel threatened by nuance
they want to win, not understand
they’re looking for a villain to blame

A new parent event should be friendly. It cannot revolve around meeting the emotional needs of one person.

lol just keep it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

The classes I take won’t affect the child directly.

Ultimately, as long as both the child and the parents are happy, there’s no issue here.

The concern only arose because the parents aren’t happy with the situation.

However, like many people in this setting, they came across as standoffish, self-centered, and had unrealistic expectations of others while holding few of their own. There's not much to be done about that.

By self-centered you mean the parents who weren’t being welcoming to a newcomer, right?

[Anonymous]

It's reasonable for a new family to expect a bit of small talk—maybe 5 to 10 minutes—from several welcoming families, including the class mom. However, expecting an immediate, deep emotional connection right away isn’t realistic. It can also feel uncomfortable to be in a group where others have already formed close bonds while you’re just starting out with casual conversation. But this kind of small talk is a natural part of the process when you're finding your place in a new community.

Again if ever new family goes through this process and finds their place except one, and the one is unhappy, then the one may have unreasonable expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

The classes I take won’t affect the child directly.

Ultimately, as long as both the child and the parents are happy, there’s no issue here.

The concern only arose because the parents aren’t happy with the situation.

However, like many people in this setting, they came across as standoffish, self-centered, and had unrealistic expectations of others while holding few of their own. There's not much to be done about that.

Social skills classes may help you realize that you’re problematic and have social deficits. Overcoming those might enable you to interact like a normal human with these parents, and maybe you and your kid can become friends with them. That could benefit all of you.

You seem to be on the spectrum though and devoid of empathy so I’m predicting she’ll make friends faster than you.

[Anonymous]

How ridiculous, OP. Hilarious that you assume this woman necessarily even WANTS to socialize with any of you?

I’ve never had much interest in making friends with other moms at school beyond polite chit chat. I have my own friends already. All 3 of my kids have always had plenty of friends.

It is also normal that it is taking time for a child to adjust to her new school. She will be fine- and “mom’s social status” has little to do with it.

[Anonymous]

We moved recently, and a school mom and a neighborhood mom introduced me and put me on a group chat, and it’s been really helpful in inserting myself into a community of people who already know each other.