Child is severely left out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?

That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.

You sound like a pick me. NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Your certainty that you have a full picture of what is going on is naive. You are hearing one version from a biased participant. No one is entitled to be invited to everything in an undefined group of friends. Friends evolve over time and perhaps some reflection about why your daughter isn't getting invited is in order.

Op’s daughter asked if the other girl had a problem with her. The daughter said no, and continued to exclude Op’s daughter with no explanation. And stop with “no one is entitled to be invited to everything” This is a friend group for gosh sake! Op said this has been a friend group since elementary school. Would you not feel horrible if a group of friends suddenly left you out knowingly after years of close friendship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Your certainty that you have a full picture of what is going on is naive. You are hearing one version from a biased participant. No one is entitled to be invited to everything in an undefined group of friends. Friends evolve over time and perhaps some reflection about why your daughter isn't getting invited is in order.

Op’s daughter asked if the other girl had a problem with her. The daughter said no, and continued to exclude Op’s daughter with no explanation. And stop with “no one is entitled to be invited to everything” This is a friend group for gosh sake! Op said this has been a friend group since elementary school. Would you not feel horrible if a group of friends suddenly left you out knowingly after years of close friendship?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

OP said the daughter had asked if the other girl had a problem with her. Even if the daughter did do something, ignoring her and leaving her out with no explanation really hurts… the other girl said she did NOT have any problem, so she’s being a real b by still leaving her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

OP said the daughter had asked if nthe other girl had a problem with her. Even if the daughter did do something, ignoring her and leaving her out with no explanation really hurts… the other girl said she did NOT have any problem, so she’s being a real b by still leaving her out.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

OP said the daughter had asked if the other girl had a problem with her. Even if the daughter did do something, ignoring her and leaving her out with no explanation really hurts… the other girl said she did NOT have any problem, so she’s being a real b by still leaving her out.

Exactly! Op, your daughter is doing the mature thing. The other girl is being crazy immature. Don’t worry, your daughter will find new friends. (Don’t expect things to get better soon though)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Your certainty that you have a full picture of what is going on is naive. You are hearing one version from a biased participant. No one is entitled to be invited to everything in an undefined group of friends. Friends evolve over time and perhaps some reflection about why your daughter isn't getting invited is in order.

I think OP should focus on this statement. But I have a feeling she might need some real life examples so she can get a better idea of what her DD should be reflecting on!

I not suggesting these are valid excuses, but some experiences that might have caused some distance.

- perhaps your daughter doesn’t contribute to the discussion and just kinda sits there. This might cause the others to think she isn’t interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Your certainty that you have a full picture of what is going on is naive. You are hearing one version from a biased participant. No one is entitled to be invited to everything in an undefined group of friends. Friends evolve over time and perhaps some reflection about why your daughter isn't getting invited is in order.

Op’s daughter asked if the other girl had a problem with her. The daughter said no, and continued to exclude Op’s daughter with no explanation. And stop with “no one is entitled to be invited to everything” This is a friend group for gosh sake! Op said this has been a friend group since elementary school. Would you not feel horrible if a group of friends suddenly left you out knowingly after years of close friendship?

+1

+2 NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her poportional insults and encourage her to not waste her time on these losers. Self-respect is important and High School is a different game.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

You and others on this forum are the kind of people to think it’s okay to be left out without reason because the other person is “unpleasant” to be around. If that is the case, why not literally just say that instead of making it so noticeable that it gets to the point the other person is having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

You and others on this forum are the kind of people to think it’s okay to be left out without reason because the other person is “unpleasant” to be around. If that is the case, why not literally just say that instead of making it so noticeable that it gets to the point the other person is having a hard time.

The "unpleasant" excuse is just an after the act justification for being an a hole. The kid is unpleasant because they didn't silently accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

You and others on this forum are the kind of people to think it’s okay to be left out without reason because the other person is “unpleasant” to be around. If that is the case, why not literally just say that instead of making it so noticeable that it gets to the point the other person is having a hard time.

The "unpleasant" excuse is just an after the act justification for being an a hole. The kid is unpleasant because they didn't silently accept.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Your certainty that you have a full picture of what is going on is naive. You are hearing one version from a biased participant. No one is entitled to be invited to everything in an undefined group of friends. Friends evolve over time and perhaps some reflection about why your daughter isn't getting invited is in order.

Whether this person is a troll or not, their content is pure troll, so please ignore them. They are just stirring the pot and being purposefully mis-stating what OP has said, since OP NEVER said her daugther was entitled to being invited.

OP the girls are indeed purposefully excluding your DD, and your DD is the person whose view you need to understand and figure this out from. Anyone saying "no one owes her anything and you should reflect why they don't invite your daughter" hasn't been reading your replies and clearly doesn't care.

OP back to advice, one thing that's been recommended that you haven't mentioned doing is going to your DD's school counselor and asking for her/his perspective. They may have general helpful advice about social culture at the school in general, or they may know your DD or her friends and have some specific advice about navigating this. But the worst that can happen is they have no advice or ideas. More likely is they are dealing with these kids every day and have some insights. So ask them what they're take is on what your DD is reporting to you about how she's treated and what is best way to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence.

How do you know this "avoiding a-holes" as you call it, isn't what's happening to this daughter?

OP said the daughter had asked if the other girl had a problem with her. Even if the daughter did do something, ignoring her and leaving her out with no explanation really hurts… the other girl said she did NOT have any problem, so she’s being a real b by still leaving her out.

Exactly! Op, your daughter is doing the mature thing. The other girl is being crazy immature. Don’t worry, your daughter will find new friends. (Don’t expect things to get better soon though)

Sorry, full disagree. Your daughter may have been mature in asking. If the girl is interested in a friendship, she could be mature and be honest. If she’s not, why would she spend time having that conversation with your DD? Not even adults do that well with people they don’t want to continue friendships with. It’s not ideal, but it feels very awkward to directly hurt someone’s feelings like that. I’m not excusing the behavior. I’m just saying, if the girl doesn’t want to be friends, then this is the answer 90% of even adults would give. The rest of it, being rude, etc etc is not ok. Your daughter needs to branch out widely and make new friends.