Waiving child support for primary custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Dad here. My girls are 22 and 20 now. But when they were little, I was the default parent even though I worked and their mother was a real estate agent who barely worked. The schools called ME first when there was an issue. I took the kids to doctors, both well visits and the occasional ER visit. I went to their after-school activities, in fact I was sitting in the stands while my oldest performed with marching band during half time while my ex-wife was having phone sex with her AP. I was the one they called when they bled through their pants when they had their periods. I was the one who tutored them in difficult subjects and taught them how to write well. They confided in ME and cried on MY shoulder when high school relationships ended.

And I'm not atypical. The men I know are all like this. I'm sorry you had a different experience with your husband, but you're the one doing the conflating in that you think your experience was typical. It wasn't. Just as I know mine wasn't either. The vast majority of parents -- mothers AND fathers -- are involved. You don't see me saying women don't parent well because my ex-wife was self-centered and disengaged. So why are you generalizing about fathers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

DP. Bringing to the doctor is a parental role. Driving to activities-agree any uber driver/babysitter/nanny can do that.

Advocating for your kid to a doctor is parenting. So is ID’ing that the kid needs to go to the doctor and finding/ booking the appropriate one.

Physically bringing a kid to a destination is only that.

Wonder what pediatricians would say an involved parent versus an uninvolved parent even says or does at the wellness or sickness visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Its called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

Driving kids around at a designated time is a TASK. It’s handle by car pools, Ubers, a parent, a nanny, a sitter.

Parenting, on the other hand, is actively managing, coaching, assessing, emotionally supporting, deciding, disciplining, seeking out relevant programs (school, sports, tutors, therapy, doctors), course-correcting the family and child as it relates to their development in their schooling, activities, general health, nutrition, behaviors, friends, mental health, and growth.

Face time will never = Parenting.

Unless there is also active high quality time, parenting and thinking going on at the same time- thinking, conversations, assessing, deciding, action.

Parenting, on the other hand, is actively managing, coaching, assessing, emotionally supporting, deciding, disciplining, seeking out relevant programs (school, sports, tutors, therapy, doctors), course-correcting the family and child as it relates to their development in their schooling, activities, general health, nutrition, behaviors, friends, mental health, and growth.

***

In most families, one parent takes the lead. Its not a reason to take away custody. Dad will figure it out.. However, nannies can do many of those things, especially with young kids when they are with the kids 8-10 hours a day. If mom works full-time, as does dad, she isn't doing any more caretaking than dad during the day. This is an excuse to block dad from custody.

Define “take the lead” for everyone, since that sounds like a lame excuse and slippery slop for not knowing or caring about what is even going on within one’s own family.

So cool that divorce and custody time is the only way to get some formerly married fathers to do actual parenting. If that even happens besides driving around to things someone else put in their calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

It’s called parenting. You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids. How can you not consider that parenting.

Omg.

How did you know your kid needed to be somewhere with something!??

How did said kid even get signed up or select or try out for that thing!?!?

Why’d you pick that activity and that program?!? Who picked it and why and how?!

Are you happy with that program? Do you know your options or next steps!?!

In our home, both parents manage everything. We divide and conquer and coordinate with each other to make it work.

We have a shared calendar so we all know each other's schedules. We talk about the activities and one of us does the sign up. We talk about doctors and other appointments and coordinate who will sign up/who will take.

And, with little ones, I or we both picked activities. With teens, they've been in activities for years and if they want new ones, they tell us and often sign up themselves after asking us permission.

Really, it's not that hard. It's called communication. Shared calendar, text, email, talk in person....

OP has a nanny who probably handles most everything.

Hopefully the nanny or a paid secretary puts everything in the family calendar too.

I can’t remember the last year my husband put anything in the family google calendar despite once in awhile asking when something was and him receiving every email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely would not give up any child support for custody -- that is your kid's money, not yours.

I also would not accept weekday custody only and no weekends. That turns you into the Mom whose time is spent on the chores and obligations and activity carpools and you never get fun, relaxed bonding time with your kids.

Where your husband lives and how it impacts his ability to see his kids is his problem to fix, not yours.

Let him have 50/50 custody and the consequences that go with it. Yes, the distance may impact your kids negatively. Yes, your kids will notice, and it will likely negatively impact their relationship with their Dad. He can move closer if he wants to fix any of that.

But, you can't spend your time and energy and money (or the kids child support money) trying to make him be a good parent.

Ask me how I know.

Agree with all of the above. Start there and watch him walk time back as he can’t or won’t handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

I married a dud too so it's hard for me to believe that most or even some men do these things.

Also married to a dud whose own children told him that he had to have food stocked in the house that was not diet or frozen meals. The guy has never done a load of laundry for them, bought them any clothes, signed them up to any activities, gone to any school meetings, etc.

I'd like to think he's the only dud out there, but I don't see many men doing these things or showing up at school or activities (unless it's the weekend game and someone told him where to be.)

I am hopeful that our son's generation will do better, and don't imitate their poor male role models.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.

Dad here. My girls are 22 and 20 now. But when they were little, I was the default parent even though I worked and their mother was a real estate agent who barely worked. The schools called ME first when there was an issue. I took the kids to doctors, both well visits and the occasional ER visit. I went to their after-school activities, in fact I was sitting in the stands while my oldest performed with marching band during half time while my ex-wife was having phone sex with her AP. I was the one they called when they bled through their pants when they had their periods. I was the one who tutored them in difficult subjects and taught them how to write well. They confided in ME and cried on MY shoulder when high school relationships ended.

And I'm not atypical. The men I know are all like this. I'm sorry you had a different experience with your husband, but you're the one doing the conflating in that you think your experience was typical. It wasn't. Just as I know mine wasn't either. The vast majority of parents -- mothers AND fathers -- are involved. You don't see me saying women don't parent well because my ex-wife was self-centered and disengaged. So why are you generalizing about fathers?

Yes, you are atypical to be a male default parent. Your wife is also atypical.

Cest la vie.

[Anonymous]

OP I'll reply from a perspective many years out. DD's father was only interested in parenting if he could control all the decisions; an indication of his personality and why I left. In the aftermath, he was unable to participate in meaningful conversations about custody. Each negotiation turned into a diatribe of how I was ruining his life. He refused to be redirected re: the issues and focus solely on a plan for DD. Eventually I gave up; I declined child support, but said I'd file unless he agreed to a custodial plan. I was open to his suggestions and needs. He had none. I was granted sole legal/physical custody. I never filed for child support. He has since walked away.

In retrospect, what I know to be true about him is still true: this is someone who would have never negotiated in good faith, and would have been disruptive in DD's and my life on an ongoing basis. However, I'm still sad that DD has this blank space in her life. She does not appear to be affected, but these things can surface at any time, at tend to, once people have their own kids. I wish he had been able to see past his own issues to be some kind of father, even if minimal. He couldn't, so I completely let go.

In your case, file if you need the money. I bought peace by declining it, but it also did not hurt our lifestyle to not have it. Consider however that the impact on the kids of having him be absent is entirely separate. I wish our situation was different. I'm glad there's no drama, but it still feels like a loss for our family.

[Anonymous]

I would do it it a second because we have 50/50 and zero child support. This only works if the other parent agrees. I would 100% do it if possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legally, it's pretty difficult to do this in most states, because the child has the legal right to the money, not you, and it's not in the child's best interest to waive.

However, I know a couple people who did this informally. There's no legal document or enforcement, but dad agreed to let mom have primary custody, and mom doesn't go after him for child support.

No, it is not difficult at all. You can agree to anything in a divorce. Write it into the agreement. Easy.

-divorced from an attorney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

No, that's most WOMEN. Most MOMS. You know, the people who do the vast majority of child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely would not give up any child support for custody -- that is your kid's money, not yours.

I also would not accept weekday custody only and no weekends. That turns you into the Mom whose time is spent on the chores and obligations and activity carpools and you never get fun, relaxed bonding time with your kids.

Where your husband lives and how it impacts his ability to see his kids is his problem to fix, not yours.

Let him have 50/50 custody and the consequences that go with it. Yes, the distance may impact your kids negatively. Yes, your kids will notice, and it will likely negatively impact their relationship with their Dad. He can move closer if he wants to fix any of that.

But, you can't spend your time and energy and money (or the kids child support money) trying to make him be a good parent.

Ask me how I know.

This is what it comes down to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

No, that's most WOMEN. Most MOMS. You know, the people who do the vast majority of child care.

No. It’s most whiners here that chose bad partners. But get out into the world and open your eyes, there are dads everywhere parenting their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

No, that's most WOMEN. Most MOMS. You know, the people who do the vast majority of child care.

No. It’s most whiners here that chose bad partners. But get out into the world and open your eyes, there are dads everywhere parenting their kids.

NP
I have my eyes open. When in their house I see them sitting in the sofa fondling their iPhones. When out at a bbq or party or the pool, they do nothing and make their wife watch the kids, feed the kids, ask about the bathroom, plan the day out.

Only when the only adult around, and especially no adult females (grandmother, mother, nanny, neighbor mom) do they maybe interact with their kid.

It’s quite sad to see over and over again. The in-person neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well!

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours. Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.

Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad.

What are you talking about? Why are you so hostile to men? I hope you don't have sons. Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers. Most men do take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities and more. Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way. Stop the men and dad hate. And, pick a better man next time.

No, that's most WOMEN. Most MOMS. You know, the people who do the vast majority of child care.

No. It’s most whiners here that chose bad partners. But get out into the world and open your eyes, there are dads everywhere parenting their kids.

Are there dads everywhere? Sure. Are they parenting? L O L.

The overwhelming majority of childcare is done by women. Your refusal to acknowledge that shows how blind and biased you are. You won’t even admit the truth, so stay in your abnormal bubble.