Fiance made a troubling comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.

We are. We both agree that we do not want any more children. His two children are 19 and 28. Mine are 12 and 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.

- meant to add:

what he said was offensive!

[Anonymous]

Clearly he sees you as less valuable. Watch out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do not have a wedding date. Our finances during the past 3 years of our engagement have been tied up in the condo being built over seas. We had to pay cash for it as there were no financing options available and things moved slowly in the country that we purchased in.

You don't need to spend money to get married. You can go to the court house.

This is what I want but he wants a destination wedding.

That's just an excuse. If he wanted to be married to you, he would be. You built a condo in a country you both love, but couldn't manage to get married there?

Girl, please.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly he sees you as less valuable. Watch out.

And OP let's him treat her that way too.

Who is engaged for 3 years and buying properties together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be offended, but facts are facts.

And the fact that he is buying property with and engaged to a woman he sees as "less valuable" tells us just how little value he has.

If OP is the best he can get, she is very valuable to him. But he is too dumb to know that you don't say things like that to people who are valuable to you.

[Anonymous]

Women should walk away from any man who denigrates mothers, female leaders, or older women. It’s blatant hatred for women. Why would you tolerate that? It will only manifest as more aggressive disrespectful behavior down the line. Date men who love women. And if you can’t find a man who loves and respects women just don’t date at all. You will be fine. Life is too short to deal with this crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.

We are. We both agree that we do not want any more children. His two children are 19 and 28. Mine are 12 and 14.

So based on that, and average ages of first birth for men and women, you are at least 15-20 years apart. Of course he's right thinking you are a gold digger. And jokes about.
Did you try dating men your age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can be offended, but facts are facts.

And the fact that he is buying property with and engaged to a woman he sees as "less valuable" tells us just how little value he has.

If OP is the best he can get, she is very valuable to him. But he is too dumb to know that you don't say things like that to people who are valuable to you.

She is valuable to him to the exact value of cash differential in that condo that he paid to get access to much younger body. It's a fair exchange in his eyes. But she has no value to him as a future wife because he understands it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

To answer the above questions yes I am still a single mom of two kids. My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

My current fiance and I got engaged 3 years ago with the intent to get married however I am concerned about some behaviors and comments I am seeing from him lately.

To answer the other question even though he makes more than me no I am not financially reliant upon him. He makes about $230k annually and I make about $100k. We also purchased a house together locally as well as a condo overseas. So far that's the extent of our financial entanglements.

That's extremely entagled! Who has cold feet about getting married? 3 years is a long engagment if you are not in college!

[Anonymous]

Soooooo now what OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women should walk away from any man who denigrates mothers, female leaders, or older women. It’s blatant hatred for women. Why would you tolerate that? It will only manifest as more aggressive disrespectful behavior down the line. Date men who love women. And if you can’t find a man who loves and respects women just don’t date at all. You will be fine. Life is too short to deal with this crap.

Agree absolutely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

To answer the above questions yes I am still a single mom of two kids. My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

My current fiance and I got engaged 3 years ago with the intent to get married however I am concerned about some behaviors and comments I am seeing from him lately.

To answer the other question even though he makes more than me no I am not financially reliant upon him. He makes about $230k annually and I make about $100k. We also purchased a house together locally as well as a condo overseas. So far that's the extent of our financial entanglements.

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Purchasing real estate is way better than having kids with someone you aren’t married to. Especially since the boyfriend earns way more than her.

I don't have time to read past the first page - but there are red flags all over the place. You have bigger problems then the one comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women should walk away from any man who denigrates mothers, female leaders, or older women. It’s blatant hatred for women. Why would you tolerate that? It will only manifest as more aggressive disrespectful behavior down the line. Date men who love women. And if you can’t find a man who loves and respects women just don’t date at all. You will be fine. Life is too short to deal with this crap.

maybe you should go tend to your cats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

You don't understand real estate. You are paying mostly interest on a mortage for the first 10 years of the loan term. If you sell within 5 years, you will almost always lose money. Dumb.

Not planning to sell within 5 years. Simply stated that in my opinion owning is better than renting to gain equity. In the event that a sale becomes necessary it's still better than having paid out rent for many years with nothing to show for it.

It sounds like you should break up. Hence, selling.