Why old people are NOT like babies:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 70 people should've option to end their lives in humane ways, instead of suffering and having the painful knowledge of being seen as a burden.

My thoughts exactly.

Yup. My dad has Alzheimer’s and the thing that gets me the most sad is that I know that this is exactly what he did not want and would be horrified that we are letting him live this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an older person this thread is horrifying. Guess what - we’re all dying, and everyone’s best years are behind them. So what? Older people still have perspectives and wisdom to offer, if only people didn’t write us off immediately.

No one is saying that.
My mom is 88. It has been a slow decline over the last 8 years. The last year it has ramped up.
She has been on oxygen for 10+ years. But with dementia, she forgets things about it. She has an in home oxygen concentrator and a portable on. There is no “refilling” it, but this week she was screaming at me that it needed to be refilled and I was trying to kill her by not refilling it.
Last week she was screaming at me because she could not understand what I was saying.
The week before she was screaming at me because she couldn’t figure out her phone.
She is in a tiny transitional apartment unit that provides all meals. And over the last month she has ordered $her 750 of junk from Amazon - more pots and pans, more plates and cups, more spoons and forks. A bug butcher block knife set.
She stopped caring for herself - throws trash on the floor, lays on the floor crying and screaming.
I try to reframe it like she’s a toddler and give compassion. But I am burned out and don’t enjoy being screamed at.
This is the part of elder care we are referring to. There is no more advice and wisdom they can give once they have reverted to toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are going to think this is morbid but after watching and caring for many of our loved ones as they age, DH and I plan to do assisted suicide.

Our perspective could change, of course, but we’re pretty clear eyed about not wanting to live out the end of our lives the way our loved ones have. IMO, medical science has gotten too good at keeping our bodies alive well past the point that they should.

Reading about Daniel Kahneman’s choice to end his life when he did was inspirational to me and I think more people will choose this way after watching our parents and grandparents suffer for years.

I completely agree. Watching my mom is painful. I never want to live like she is now.

[Anonymous]

They are grown a$$ adults. Treat them like that… NOT like babies. It is awful the way some people infantilize the elderly. They talk to them like they’re babies. It’s so disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an older person this thread is horrifying. Guess what - we’re all dying, and everyone’s best years are behind them. So what? Older people still have perspectives and wisdom to offer, if only people didn’t write us off immediately.

No one is saying that.
My mom is 88. It has been a slow decline over the last 8 years. The last year it has ramped up.
She has been on oxygen for 10+ years. But with dementia, she forgets things about it. She has an in home oxygen concentrator and a portable on. There is no “refilling” it, but this week she was screaming at me that it needed to be refilled and I was trying to kill her by not refilling it.
Last week she was screaming at me because she could not understand what I was saying.
The week before she was screaming at me because she couldn’t figure out her phone.
She is in a tiny transitional apartment unit that provides all meals. And over the last month she has ordered $her 750 of junk from Amazon - more pots and pans, more plates and cups, more spoons and forks. A bug butcher block knife set.
She stopped caring for herself - throws trash on the floor, lays on the floor crying and screaming.
I try to reframe it like she’s a toddler and give compassion. But I am burned out and don’t enjoy being screamed at.
This is the part of elder care we are referring to. There is no more advice and wisdom they can give once they have reverted to toddlers.

I would disable Amazon (delete her card?) and rethink visitation. She is fed and has a place to live, don’t subject yourself to screaming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Giver. It's a YA book and describes exactly how our society is becoming. Pay attn to what happens as soon as one crosses the age threshold.

We are losing our humanity daily. No, your millennial kids will not be caring for you.

I won’t be expecting anyone to care for me when I’m old. If I can’t survive on my own, so be it. I don’t want to live past 75 at any rate.

75 isn’t that old. You must be very young and naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Giver. It's a YA book and describes exactly how our society is becoming. Pay attn to what happens as soon as one crosses the age threshold.

We are losing our humanity daily. No, your millennial kids will not be caring for you.

I won’t be expecting anyone to care for me when I’m old. If I can’t survive on my own, so be it. I don’t want to live past 75 at any rate.

75 isn’t that old. You must be very young and naive.

75 isn't that old for a woman. For a man, however, it's plenty long enough to have lived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are grown a$$ adults. Treat them like that… NOT like babies. It is awful the way some people infantilize the elderly. They talk to them like they’re babies. It’s so disrespectful.

I think you’re thinking of older adults without dementia or mild dementia. Once they have severe dementia, the conversations are a lot different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an older person this thread is horrifying. Guess what - we’re all dying, and everyone’s best years are behind them. So what? Older people still have perspectives and wisdom to offer, if only people didn’t write us off immediately.

No one is saying that.
My mom is 88. It has been a slow decline over the last 8 years. The last year it has ramped up.
She has been on oxygen for 10+ years. But with dementia, she forgets things about it. She has an in home oxygen concentrator and a portable on. There is no “refilling” it, but this week she was screaming at me that it needed to be refilled and I was trying to kill her by not refilling it.
Last week she was screaming at me because she could not understand what I was saying.
The week before she was screaming at me because she couldn’t figure out her phone.
She is in a tiny transitional apartment unit that provides all meals. And over the last month she has ordered $her 750 of junk from Amazon - more pots and pans, more plates and cups, more spoons and forks. A bug butcher block knife set.
She stopped caring for herself - throws trash on the floor, lays on the floor crying and screaming.
I try to reframe it like she’s a toddler and give compassion. But I am burned out and don’t enjoy being screamed at.
This is the part of elder care we are referring to. There is no more advice and wisdom they can give once they have reverted to toddlers.

I would disable Amazon (delete her card?) and rethink visitation. She is fed and has a place to live, don’t subject yourself to screaming

+1

[Anonymous]

Cool story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Giver. It's a YA book and describes exactly how our society is becoming. Pay attn to what happens as soon as one crosses the age threshold.

We are losing our humanity daily. No, your millennial kids will not be caring for you.

I won’t be expecting anyone to care for me when I’m old. If I can’t survive on my own, so be it. I don’t want to live past 75 at any rate.

75 isn’t that old. You must be very young and naive.

DP. I have actually dealt with my parents and other relatives in this age frame. For many, it is a difficult time. I’m also not looking forward to life after 75 seeing how my relatives have lived it. It sounds like you are the one who is inexperienced and naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are going to think this is morbid but after watching and caring for many of our loved ones as they age, DH and I plan to do assisted suicide.

Our perspective could change, of course, but we’re pretty clear eyed about not wanting to live out the end of our lives the way our loved ones have. IMO, medical science has gotten too good at keeping our bodies alive well past the point that they should.

Reading about Daniel Kahneman’s choice to end his life when he did was inspirational to me and I think more people will choose this way after watching our parents and grandparents suffer for years.

I completely agree. Watching my mom is painful. I never want to live like she is now.

The problem is you have to do assisted suicide when you're healthy and sound mind. A friend's mom killed herself for this very reason and my friend and siblings had to beg her not to kill herself. It was stressful for them and they were angry she did it when she hadn't seen her grandkids married, etc.

Even The Morning Show dealt with aging suicide this season and the character hated his mother and was still devastated and effed up from the decision. Therefore, it seems common enough that this isn't the panacea people believe it to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Giver. It's a YA book and describes exactly how our society is becoming. Pay attn to what happens as soon as one crosses the age threshold.

We are losing our humanity daily. No, your millennial kids will not be caring for you.

I won’t be expecting anyone to care for me when I’m old. If I can’t survive on my own, so be it. I don’t want to live past 75 at any rate.

75 isn’t that old. You must be very young and naive.

On what planet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an older person this thread is horrifying. Guess what - we’re all dying, and everyone’s best years are behind them. So what? Older people still have perspectives and wisdom to offer, if only people didn’t write us off immediately.

No one is saying that.
My mom is 88. It has been a slow decline over the last 8 years. The last year it has ramped up.
She has been on oxygen for 10+ years. But with dementia, she forgets things about it. She has an in home oxygen concentrator and a portable on. There is no “refilling” it, but this week she was screaming at me that it needed to be refilled and I was trying to kill her by not refilling it.
Last week she was screaming at me because she could not understand what I was saying.
The week before she was screaming at me because she couldn’t figure out her phone.
She is in a tiny transitional apartment unit that provides all meals. And over the last month she has ordered $her 750 of junk from Amazon - more pots and pans, more plates and cups, more spoons and forks. A bug butcher block knife set.
She stopped caring for herself - throws trash on the floor, lays on the floor crying and screaming.
I try to reframe it like she’s a toddler and give compassion. But I am burned out and don’t enjoy being screamed at.
This is the part of elder care we are referring to. There is no more advice and wisdom they can give once they have reverted to toddlers.

I would disable Amazon (delete her card?) and rethink visitation. She is fed and has a place to live, don’t subject yourself to screaming

PP. I did take away her credit card a little over a week ago. Then she ordered a new one. Just found out that she called an oxygen company and ordered a brand new oxygen concentrator for $2000. Gave them her checking account info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are going to think this is morbid but after watching and caring for many of our loved ones as they age, DH and I plan to do assisted suicide.

Our perspective could change, of course, but we’re pretty clear eyed about not wanting to live out the end of our lives the way our loved ones have. IMO, medical science has gotten too good at keeping our bodies alive well past the point that they should.

Reading about Daniel Kahneman’s choice to end his life when he did was inspirational to me and I think more people will choose this way after watching our parents and grandparents suffer for years.

I completely agree. Watching my mom is painful. I never want to live like she is now.

The problem is you have to do assisted suicide when you're healthy and sound mind. A friend's mom killed herself for this very reason and my friend and siblings had to beg her not to kill herself. It was stressful for them and they were angry she did it when she hadn't seen her grandkids married, etc.

Even The Morning Show dealt with aging suicide this season and the character hated his mother and was still devastated and effed up from the decision. Therefore, it seems common enough that this isn't the panacea people believe it to be.

Correct…so it’s only really an option if you are diagnosed with a painful, terminal ailment that keeps your mind intact. Everyone can see you are suffering and the end is just 3-6 months away.

The problem with dementia is that you still seem pretty much fine up to the point where you are of sound enough mind to do it…but things can get bad fairly quickly at which point your agency is gone.