Another Thanksgiving Vent - Makeshift Family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should keep your plans and tell husband that he has to decide for himself. If you already told ILs in August, then why create drama now? With DH like this, you'll have to file papers, he'll never will.

Well at least he can take his kids to see his family half the time and OP can just enjoy her friends alone half the time after that. OP should be careful what she wishes for.

The kids won’t go either.

[Anonymous]

the family is circling to change their decision

Emotional manipulation is never ok. Laying guilt. Not accepting someone's answer. It's never ok. It establishes an unhealthy relationship pattern - which likely gets carried on by the next generation too.

The biggest complainer doesn't get to decide.

[Anonymous]

pp again. But Op, you have some obligations to your DH's family. It doesn't need to be the holidays but your obligation is to be pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

If he's a great man, why are you willing to blow up your marriage over this? And if he still likes them then you need to make an effort, maybe not every day, and may be not on Thanksgiving, but an effort nonetheless. This still sounds like a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

I am so confused,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

the family is circling to change their decision

Emotional manipulation is never ok. Laying guilt. Not accepting someone's answer. It's never ok. It establishes an unhealthy relationship pattern - which likely gets carried on by the next generation too.

The biggest complainer doesn't get to decide.

I would be curious to hear husband's side. Maybe he felt browbeat by op initially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

[Anonymous]

I love these threads with an OP crash out and everyone but the OP knows that OP is the crazy one. So entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

If he's a great man, why are you willing to blow up your marriage over this? And if he still likes them then you need to make an effort, maybe not every day, and may be not on Thanksgiving, but an effort nonetheless. This still sounds like a you problem.

Him still liking them is because of “trauma bonding.” Op, I would stay away from that dysfunctional family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

If he's a great man, why are you willing to blow up your marriage over this? And if he still likes them then you need to make an effort, maybe not every day, and may be not on Thanksgiving, but an effort nonetheless. This still sounds like a you problem.

Him still liking them is because of “trauma bonding.” Op, I would stay away from that dysfunctional family.

What trauma? The abuse OP decided to make up on page 6 to turn this around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

Blame the victim . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

Blame the victim . . .

If I'm trying to justify why I want to get out of something I lead with the most offensive reason. If they are axe murderers I don't just say they are a little dull and I'd rather see my friends instead. It's weird to come back and clarify by boring and cold she actually means violent and horrific abusers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

Blame the victim . . .

If I'm trying to justify why I want to get out of something I lead with the most offensive reason. If they are axe murderers I don't just say they are a little dull and I'd rather see my friends instead. It's weird to come back and clarify by boring and cold she actually means violent and horrific abusers.

+1. OP really took the mask off here!