I want to drop the rope on being mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you taught the kids how to do chores? Start there - they deserve to know how to do those things before you just disappear.

This. No you can’t just stop. But you can start the systems rolling so you don’t have to do everything.

Start with laundry. Even the littlest kids can put their dirty clothes in a hamper, put the clothes in a washer and transfer to a dryer. Even if you have to lift them to do it, make it part of your life. Teach them how to match socks and put their underwear away.

Dishes…when they’re big enough they can put away forks and knives. They can put their own stuff in the sink or at least on the counter next to the sink. They can help rinse fruits and vegetables.

They can put away their own toys. Make it easy for them to know where everything goes (pictures of the toy on the boxes).

Tell dh what he should be in charge of if he’s not already. Trash, lawn, bills. Whatever works for your family.

This.

My mom dropped the rope when I was about 5. I did learn to wash and fold my own clothes, make my own food and raise myself. In some ways, not having anyone to rely on made me very independent and successful - probably helps that I'm high IQ and pick things up easily. However, I don't like my parents; they were really crappy and I grew up feeling unsupported isolated and alone. I still feel unworthy of love and awkward when people do thing nice for me. If you don't care that your kids don't like you - go for it, they'll probably be fine. It's your relationship that won't be.

It sounds like there were a lot of other things going on with your parents besides your mom dropping the rope for a period when you were 5.
I posted earlier that I suffered from depression for almost six months about four years ago. My kids were 6, 9, 11, & 12 at the time. I don’t think any of them still hate me for it or feel isolated and alone. I doubt my child who was 6 years old at the time even remembers it.

[Anonymous]

My takeaway from this thread so far based on some of the responses is that I need to wash our sheets more often than I do.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are using "drop the rope" appropriately. It is more of a term for a struggle in a relationship, with the analogy being to tug of war (which you can't have if someone drops the rope).

I think what you really want is to drop the ball. I would suggest reading this book -- https://www.amazon.com/Drop-Ball-Achieving-More-Doing/dp/1250071739

It talks about glass balls (balls you can't drop without causing harm) versus rubber balls (can drop and pick up later or not at all). I think figuring out what your rubber balls are could help immensely.

and OUTSOURCE! You and DH make a lot of money. You should not be folding laundry, cleaning your house, or driving kids constantly. Get a driver babysitter, cut down on activities, and get someone to fold laundry for you.

[Anonymous]

I feel like people saying “just outsource” haven’t really tried to do it before.
Yeah. We would all like to hire someone to work from 2-6pm every day to watch kids after school, drive them places, do a couple of loads of laundry, and get dinner started. But there aren’t a lot of people who want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Pay more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people saying “just outsource” haven’t really tried to do it before.
Yeah. We would all like to hire someone to work from 2-6pm every day to watch kids after school, drive them places, do a couple of loads of laundry, and get dinner started. But there aren’t a lot of people who want to do that.

There is no better time than the summer to find this. You can find a high school or college kid for childcare help. People go on vacation and don't need their nannies. I have a friend who has her cleaning lady do laundry. Dinner is kind of the least of OP's problems - you can make easy meals, especially for kids under 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people saying “just outsource” haven’t really tried to do it before.
Yeah. We would all like to hire someone to work from 2-6pm every day to watch kids after school, drive them places, do a couple of loads of laundry, and get dinner started. But there aren’t a lot of people who want to do that.

There is no better time than the summer to find this. You can find a high school or college kid for childcare help. People go on vacation and don't need their nannies. I have a friend who has her cleaning lady do laundry. Dinner is kind of the least of OP's problems - you can make easy meals, especially for kids under 10.

And yes, I have tried to do this. We had a parent health crisis last summer the same time I had a very consuming work commitment. We were in survival mode. I outsourced laundry, found a babysitter to pick my kids up from camp and watch them from 4-7, and made extremely easy dinners.

[Anonymous]

OP is just a complainer. She makes $200,000 and her husband has a "big job." She could be a SAHM with all the time in the world once kids are in Kindergarten. OR she could keep her job and hire a fulltime housekeeper. OP will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people saying “just outsource” haven’t really tried to do it before.
Yeah. We would all like to hire someone to work from 2-6pm every day to watch kids after school, drive them places, do a couple of loads of laundry, and get dinner started. But there aren’t a lot of people who want to do that.

Part-time afternoon nannies or babysitters can be hard to find during the school year, I agree. But part-time housekeepers who don't watch kids are not hard to find.

OP can easily afford a housekeeper to come 10, 15, 20 (whatever she wants) hours a week who can do her laundry, cook several meals, run errands, tidy up, organize closets, you name it. And OP can drive her own kids to activities, it's not the end of the world -- mix in some carpools if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is just a complainer. She makes $200,000 and her husband has a "big job." She could be a SAHM with all the time in the world once kids are in Kindergarten. OR she could keep her job and hire a fulltime housekeeper. OP will be fine.

THIS. I posted above about being a single mom and if I made $200,000 a year just myself I would have a much easier life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH works all the time, I take care of the kids 90% of the time and am just done. I want to just stop making food, doing dishes and laundry, driving everybody everywhere, doing all the end of the school year crap, etc. just drop the rope completely.

Is this possible? Anybody else done it? Did it work? Did the kids and DH pick up the rope?

Hop in a time machine and don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people saying “just outsource” haven’t really tried to do it before.
Yeah. We would all like to hire someone to work from 2-6pm every day to watch kids after school, drive them places, do a couple of loads of laundry, and get dinner started. But there aren’t a lot of people who want to do that.

Part-time afternoon nannies or babysitters can be hard to find during the school year, I agree. But part-time housekeepers who don't watch kids are not hard to find.

OP can easily afford a housekeeper to come 10, 15, 20 (whatever she wants) hours a week who can do her laundry, cook several meals, run errands, tidy up, organize closets, you name it. And OP can drive her own kids to activities, it's not the end of the world -- mix in some carpools if you can.

It isn't hard to find someone to work from 2-6 if you can pay them an hourly wage that gets them close or at fulltime work. They can usually drive as well. Plenty of people with $$ like OP can find these folks.

[Anonymous]

NO, you can't drop the rope on your dependent children. That's called negligence. If you feel your DH isn't helping enough, the answer is to spend more of his ample salary on help. We have a full-time, 40-hour-a-week nanny and a weekly housekeeper. Our nanny does more than just childcare because the kids are in school (and summer camps) so she also handles housework, meal preparation, errands, and cooking to reach 40 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH works all the time, I take care of the kids 90% of the time and am just done. I want to just stop making food, doing dishes and laundry, driving everybody everywhere, doing all the end of the school year crap, etc. just drop the rope completely.

Is this possible? Anybody else done it? Did it work? Did the kids and DH pick up the rope?

IMHO, you only want to drop the rope when there is sub-optimum results of all your work. Why would you run the household, raise the kids - if you still feel that you are not winning?

If your kids are excelling at school, they are good-looking, kind, popular, polite, well-liked kids, if they are in excellent physical/mental/emotional health, if they are super-smart and super motivated, if they have a great social circle, if they are very well bonded with their family

...you, as a parent, will feel great about making food, doing dishes, cleaning the house, doing laundry, driving everybody everywhere, doing all the school and end-of-school stuff, hosting all the holidays, planning all the vacations, hosting, maintaining a smoothly running household, paying for their college/wedding ...

[Anonymous]

Part-time help runs $35/hour. Minimum of 6 hours.