Struggling with being intimate with my husband

[Anonymous]

You know what makes me feel really loved and cared for? A moment of real emotional connection, a hug, a kind word. You know what my husband isn't necessarily in the mood for at any given moment, because he's busy and stressed and distracted with a million things? That. And he does it anyway, because he loves me and wants me to be aware of his love and affection in the way that I will actually feel it.

[Anonymous]

Good husband, Good father, Supportive and Committed, but undesired, unappreciated, unloved and unhappy. The resentment and contempt he feels towards you is well hidden, but soon it will start to impact how he sees the kids because they ended his marriage.

He is communicating his needs and you are ignoring him at every turn and don’t appear to want to please him even a little bit. This is abusive. At some point you need to start being his wife/girlfriend instead of an obligation or he will end up leaving with half his money, half his family and a chance to be loved and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

We arent young anymore. We don't want to. But we have to. It's a duty. Or, they resent, cheat, divorce. Stop waiting to want to. It's not gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you're no longer attracted to him and are unwilling to be with him in that way. And then figure out what that means for your living situation (divorce, open marriage, etc).

These are the facts and realities in your marriage, OP.

best of luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good husband, Good father, Supportive and Committed, but undesired, unappreciated, unloved and unhappy. The resentment and contempt he feels towards you is well hidden, but soon it will start to impact how he sees the kids because they ended his marriage.

He is communicating his needs and you are ignoring him at every turn and don’t appear to want to please him even a little bit. This is abusive. At some point you need to start being his wife/girlfriend instead of an obligation or he will end up leaving with half his money, half his family and a chance to be loved and appreciated.

+1

[Anonymous]

You’ve never been attracted to him. That’s not going to change.

Open the marriage now so you can get on the same page in terms of him using birth control, STD testing, etc. Better than him having an affair and accidentally getting her pregnant.

[Anonymous]

The way he’s asking for specifuic acts and timing would give me the ick for sure.

[Anonymous]

OP, for almost a year, I only gave DH hj. I was just not feeling it.

Is it your libido or just that you are not physically attracted to him? I had a bit of both issues. I can't get physically attracted to DH anymore with his big belly and moobs. I read erotica, and that turns me on. A hand and tongue is just a hand and tongue. Or I take care of myself. Make sure he takes care of you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:How is his hygiene? And what is he willing to give you in this negotiation?

Op here. His hygiene is just fine wtf. He already does whatever I need him to do around the house and with the kids that's not the issue. And sexually he'd do whatever I wanted it just that I don't want to do anything..

You don’t want to do anything. So, you are making a deliberate choice to do nothing. It’s not because you can’t do it. You deliberately don’t want to satisfy your husband. A husband you call a great husband. Poor guy. You are cruel. I hope he finds a better woman who satisfy him sexually.

DH here: this a grossly unfair, bizarre, and unkind response to a new mother that is looking for help and support. I’m sorry you’re so angry about this; a six-month or even longer sexual drought is not unreasonable after childbirth. Obviously, not really any man’s first choice, but it’s not that out of line. OP don’t listen to these kinds of responses; yes, over the long term, you’re going to need to do something, long-term celibacy is really too much to ask of any man, but you are still within a pretty reasonable place under the circumstances, and I suspect your DH feels the same. He *is* letting you know he needs something, and you’re going to need to decide how to respond to that.

She needs to hear the truth. If she wants people who are going to lie to her and tell her what she wants to hear, she shouldn’t post here.

Her husband is very reasonable. He is not asking for full intercourse. He asked for a BJ. She refused. He then asked for a simple HJ and she refused again. How hard is it to give a HJ? This is a service you can provide to your man without needing to be in the mood.
It is like giving someone a massage. You don’t need to be aroused to give a massage to someone.
She is selfish.

There was a thread on here about how someone's DH went to an Asian Massage Parlor and got a HJ. Is that not cheating, then, if it's just a service, like a massage? I mean, it's just emptying out his balls, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: . . .

Reading her posts I am keep thinking "how humiliated DH felt when his own wife turned him down for a HJ!"

It is the beginning of the end of the marriage unless OP changes her way. Bet on it.

What’s even more humiliating to his feelings are the truths OP has (anonymously) shared with us here.

Imagine how he would feel if she said to his face “ thought of being intimate with him grosses me out” (from her first post) or,

“ and honestly the thought of doing that or anything with him grosses me out. . . . I also know turning him down repeatedly is hurting him”

- but OP is debating turning him down for a simple HJ tonight anyway.

OP: you keep mentioning he’s a good guy and would never cheat on you; thus he is trapped. Can you see how you have quite literally and factually turned him into an “incel” ? (You already made him celibate during 18 months of pregnancy for no other reason than, as you put it “your choice.”

[Anonymous]

Men are so selfish. OP can be too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is his hygiene? And what is he willing to give you in this negotiation?

Op here. His hygiene is just fine wtf. He already does whatever I need him to do around the house and with the kids that's not the issue. And sexually he'd do whatever I wanted it just that I don't want to do anything..

You don’t want to do anything. So, you are making a deliberate choice to do nothing. It’s not because you can’t do it. You deliberately don’t want to satisfy your husband. A husband you call a great husband. Poor guy. You are cruel. I hope he finds a better woman who satisfy him sexually.

You sound bitter and single. She just created a human life, popped it out and has been caring for it with her BODY. You have no respect for women if you hope he cheats on her after giving birth to his progeny.

How hard is it to give a HJ. He only wants a simple fu**ing HJ.

He as two of his own?!

It doesn’t feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s not about the orgasm but about the connection with his wife whom he loves. 🧐

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is his hygiene? And what is he willing to give you in this negotiation?

Op here. His hygiene is just fine wtf. He already does whatever I need him to do around the house and with the kids that's not the issue. And sexually he'd do whatever I wanted it just that I don't want to do anything..

You don’t want to do anything. So, you are making a deliberate choice to do nothing. It’s not because you can’t do it. You deliberately don’t want to satisfy your husband. A husband you call a great husband. Poor guy. You are cruel. I hope he finds a better woman who satisfy him sexually.

DH here: this a grossly unfair, bizarre, and unkind response to a new mother that is looking for help and support. I’m sorry you’re so angry about this; a six-month or even longer sexual drought is not unreasonable after childbirth. Obviously, not really any man’s first choice, but it’s not that out of line. OP don’t listen to these kinds of responses; yes, over the long term, you’re going to need to do something, long-term celibacy is really too much to ask of any man, but you are still within a pretty reasonable place under the circumstances, and I suspect your DH feels the same. He *is* letting you know he needs something, and you’re going to need to decide how to respond to that.

She needs to hear the truth. If she wants people who are going to lie to her and tell her what she wants to hear, she shouldn’t post here.

Her husband is very reasonable. He is not asking for full intercourse. He asked for a BJ. She refused. He then asked for a simple HJ and she refused again. How hard is it to give a HJ? This is a service you can provide to your man without needing to be in the mood.
It is like giving someone a massage. You don’t need to be aroused to give a massage to someone.
She is selfish.

Spoken like someone without kids! Jfc

I have 4 children. I had no sexual desire during my pregnancies. DH wanted sex. I would give him BJs and HJs to satisfy himi. Why? Because I love him.
When you truly love someone, you can go above and beyond to make them happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is his hygiene? And what is he willing to give you in this negotiation?

Op here. His hygiene is just fine wtf. He already does whatever I need him to do around the house and with the kids that's not the issue. And sexually he'd do whatever I wanted it just that I don't want to do anything..

You don’t want to do anything. So, you are making a deliberate choice to do nothing. It’s not because you can’t do it. You deliberately don’t want to satisfy your husband. A husband you call a great husband. Poor guy. You are cruel. I hope he finds a better woman who satisfy him sexually.

You sound bitter and single. She just created a human life, popped it out and has been caring for it with her BODY. You have no respect for women if you hope he cheats on her after giving birth to his progeny.

How hard is it to give a HJ. He only wants a simple fu**ing HJ.

He as two of his own?!

It doesn’t feel the same.

really? IDK... as a woman, it's much better when I use my hand on me than when DH does. I mean, you would know what you like better and can adjust. I will say though my hand is smaller, which isn't always the best thing.