Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's not worth it for the son to put up with dad in the hopes of inheritance. He'll dangle this carrot forever with moving goalposts. The best he can do is get out from under his influence. If the new partner is Easter European with 2 kids -- she'll want the money and she'll do anything she can to get it. She's poor and she's willing to play the game. I'm Eastern European myself and I've seen it over and over. Believe me, you're not lucky that your XH has found someone like this.

Based on the OP's writing style, she's Slavic too IMO.

I wondered that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up. All dad asks for is to have a holiday dinner with the new partner. I feel for my son but I also feel like it’s selfish of him to instigate needless conflict because of the Christmas dinner alone. Dad is fulfilling his financial obligations, they call each other once every two weeks or so. I spent thousands on lawyers and just got last court decision enforcing college payments in May.
My exH is an a..le.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's not worth it for the son to put up with dad in the hopes of inheritance. He'll dangle this carrot forever with moving goalposts. The best he can do is get out from under his influence. If the new partner is Easter European with 2 kids -- she'll want the money and she'll do anything she can to get it. She's poor and she's willing to play the game. I'm Eastern European myself and I've seen it over and over. Believe me, you're not lucky that your XH has found someone like this.

Based on the OP's writing style, she's Slavic too IMO.

Good bet, especially since she says the DH was much older.

[Anonymous]

You son is an adult and doesn't have to spend time with him. The 50/50 thing is not written in a legal document, right? It can't be enforced. But the college thing can because it's part of your divorce decree. I don't understand what the problem is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You son is an adult and doesn't have to spend time with him. The 50/50 thing is not written in a legal document, right? It can't be enforced. But the college thing can because it's part of your divorce decree. I don't understand what the problem is here.

The father is well connected. Internships help is important in my opinion. Dad has own company where our son can be employed. He is mildly autistic and not good with social skills/job search, albeit a good student. I guess my problem is that it shifts all burden of internships, job search and time on college breaks to me. I continue being the primary parent while my exH gets to rebuild his life with only obligation being to pay for college. I want him to carry some burden as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This is not enforceable. Just so you know.

People put a lot of things in their marriage settlement agreements that aren’t actually enforceable in a court of law. Forcing one parent to pay for college exclusively is one of them.

You and your son should be more grateful that your ex is agreeing to pay for it. He is not, in fact, “obligated” to.

It's part of the civil assets settlement and is totally enforceable. I can arrest his real estate, accounts etc. It will only take time, and legal costs which is inconvenience.

Seems like too many posters here are upset some other mother was able to get a great deal for her child. Or maybe they are upset that men they are dating have money hidden for their natural kids.

No, sweetie. It’s not. You clearly don’t know the first thing about Family Law.

No one is upset about anything. Except for obviously you.

NP. First, calling her "sweetie" in this context is misogynistic, and you don't belong in this forum of mainly women.

Second, you're wrong, and she's right. From her description, it sounds like a property settlement. She can pay for college and sue him to recover the payments and her attorney's fees and interest. Then, she can find someone to enforce the judgment for her.

You really shouldn’t use words you don’t understand, toots.

It might be condescending, because OP is quite the histrionic idiot. But that’s not misogyny.

Honestly, if you cannot use vocabulary correctly, maybe sit the rest of this one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up. All dad asks for is to have a holiday dinner with the new partner. I feel for my son but I also feel like it’s selfish of him to instigate needless conflict because of the Christmas dinner alone. Dad is fulfilling his financial obligations, they call each other once every two weeks or so. I spent thousands on lawyers and just got last court decision enforcing college payments in May.
My exH is an a..le.

So now you are changing the story from 50/50 to one dinner? Which is it? Your ex can invite anyone to attend he chooses to. Your son is free to make his choice as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up. All dad asks for is to have a holiday dinner with the new partner. I feel for my son but I also feel like it’s selfish of him to instigate needless conflict because of the Christmas dinner alone. Dad is fulfilling his financial obligations, they call each other once every two weeks or so. I spent thousands on lawyers and just got last court decision enforcing college payments in May.
My exH is an a..le.

So now you are changing the story from 50/50 to one dinner? Which is it? Your ex can invite anyone to attend he chooses to. Your son is free to make his choice as well.

It’s 50/50 on college breaks. Each break is equal time with mom and dad. Right now son is staying with him through Christmas and was supposed to come to my house for NY Eve. But because he doesn’t want to attend the dinner, dad started screaming today “get out of my house asap!”
I think dad cannot kick him out of the house - he is obligated to provide food and shelter on his 50%. Yes, dad can invite anyone for Christmas but my son is an adult and he can celebrate Christmas dinner elsewhere, and then come back to dad’s home.

[Anonymous]

I will offer my son to come to Christmas dinner with my side of the family, if he prefers. But my exH should keep offering him shelter and food at his residence by our agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does OP say her son will receive an inheritance? I wouldn't count on that.

As of now, this is in writing in divorce decree (which has some legal bearing, even if changes the will). Son is also in family trusts as sole beneficiary. Of course I know this.

And, you want your cut.

I want my son's children grow in his family home. Not the next wife's grand children who are not blood relatives of the people who invested, built, were born and grew up in the house. This is a natural desire for most parents.

Unfortunately you chose to divorce.

Unfortunately ? I’m doing great, you have no idea how it being married to my exH. I’m not envious about the new GF, my BF is much younger than my ex we have a very egalitarian and passionate relationship in our 40s.

Yes unfortunately on terms of your desire for “son’s children grow in his family home.” Divorce complicates these things. No one said you aren’t doing great or what other insecure things you’ve posted here. I responded to that particular quote of yours for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up.

Of course he has access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up.

Of course he has access.

He’s not home most of the time, spending it with the GF. Son is home alone, they only have quick meals together some days. Son has money to buy lunch and builds drones, visits friends, works part time. Today they spoke for the first time since December 12.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why this post is titled, "Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner"

Very little of what OP has posted actually relates to the new partner; it's primarily complaints about her ex husband.

What I find problematic is that in a huge messy sh!tshow like this one, the mom/OP decided to focus on the woman/partner as though she's done something wrong. She hasn't.

She's simply a woman who is dating a man with a young adult son. And an ex wife who is high-conflict, drama-ridden and wants to make this woman a scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why this post is titled, "Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner"

Very little of what OP has posted actually relates to the new partner; it's primarily complaints about her ex husband.

What I find problematic is that in a huge messy sh!tshow like this one, the mom/OP decided to focus on the woman/partner as though she's done something wrong. She hasn't.

She's simply a woman who is dating a man with a young adult son. And an ex wife who is high-conflict, drama-ridden and wants to make this woman a scapegoat.

OP here - as I said, I don’t care about that women but knowing my exH her motives are clear and not even worth discussing.
She can date whoever including my exH. But my son is not obligated to attend the dinners, or pretend there is some family inclusion here. I was trying to persuade him to attend the dinner, but I’m not actually obligated to encourage this.
Particular since dad screamed “get out of my house” instead of showing patience in gradually including his new partner, it seems that there is no father -son relationship to begin with. In that sense my son is better off spending Christmas with people who love him, and just maintain a formal agreement-regulated contact with dad.