S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.

What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.

OMG seriously go away.

You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

STFU already. They are barely not kids anymore. No one should be getting married until they finish college.

Yeah, well, they should be finished with college at that age, too. But whatever. Thankfully not my problem!

So shut up about it.

I'm just shocked people think it's ok to shack up for 7 years! Blows my mind.

[Anonymous]

As a woman, I’m always surprised by the narrative of consent. Like girls are somehow less capable than same age boys and boys must treat them like children.

Boys:
“Are you sure? I mean, are you really sure? Not like the time you said you wanted vanilla ice cream but then pouted because you really wanted chocolate chip but didn’t want to say it.” So, you are sure? Can you sign this paper attesting to that fact?”

It’s flat out demeaning. It goes against all the lessons I thought we were teaching our young men and women. Yes means yes and no means no. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

STFU already. They are barely not kids anymore. No one should be getting married until they finish college.

Yeah, well, they should be finished with college at that age, too. But whatever. Thankfully not my problem!

So shut up about it.

I'm just shocked people think it's ok to shack up for 7 years! Blows my mind.

DP. If they’re 23 and 24 they’ve only been “shacked up” for 1-2 years. You’re really reaching with this one; you should give up already.

(And I say this as someone who dated my now spouse for 6 years before getting married at 24)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

I actually encourage what you might call "toxic masculinity." Not trying to raise any soy boys around here.

Same here. Also, teaching them to dump any women who use phrases like "toxic masculinity". No need for them to sign up for a lifetime of misery.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.

What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.

Saving money, traveling, enjoying time with friends and family, pursuing goals. What does it matter to you? Marriage (if you are married) clearly hasn’t made you a happy or fulfilled person. Even with a husband, you’re a bitter old prune. Not a good look! Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

STFU already. They are barely not kids anymore. No one should be getting married until they finish college.

Yeah, well, they should be finished with college at that age, too. But whatever. Thankfully not my problem!

So shut up about it.

I'm just shocked people think it's ok to shack up for 7 years! Blows my mind.

Nobody indicated they are shacking up. They are 23 and dating for 7 years, do you think they were living together as high schoolers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach my sons to run far far away from promiscuous girls. I show them all the examples around us wherever I can of men’s lives who were ruined by the choice the engage in one night stands, “friends with benefits”, and any other cheap premarital sex. Those men often end up with battling assault allegations, child support payments, STDs, heart hardening heartbreak, violent ex-lovers, etc. This is a major way that they can protect themselves. We teach and emphasize marriage instead and the success stories of those that choose reverent, conservative, and modest spouses. We also teach them to be reverent, conservative, and modest so as to attract the same energy.

As far as protecting others, well I don’t really think that is their job. Parents need to be teaching girls how to respect and protect themselves. Hence the reason for the other thread.

1000%

Hate to agree, but I do. Marriage is important to us. Not the extent that we would disown a child for a pregnancy out of wedlock or anything, but we raise them to believe that marriage is the default. Would prefer no premarital sex, but we're not stupid. We are very clear on the ramifications of casual sex, though.

Another +1. Also No means No and Yes means Yes and giving and getting consent doesn't change based on gender. Same message to both my son (and my DDs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach my sons to run far far away from promiscuous girls. I show them all the examples around us wherever I can of men’s lives who were ruined by the choice the engage in one night stands, “friends with benefits”, and any other cheap premarital sex. Those men often end up with battling assault allegations, child support payments, STDs, heart hardening heartbreak, violent ex-lovers, etc. This is a major way that they can protect themselves. We teach and emphasize marriage instead and the success stories of those that choose reverent, conservative, and modest spouses. We also teach them to be reverent, conservative, and modest so as to attract the same energy.

As far as protecting others, well I don’t really think that is their job. Parents need to be teaching girls how to respect and protect themselves. Hence the reason for the other thread.

+4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

I actually encourage what you might call "toxic masculinity." Not trying to raise any soy boys around here.

When toxic is used to describe your son he’s crossed the line and more likely to end up in jail, twice divorced with too many kids and has gone through way too many jobs.

Keeping the family tradition going?

[Anonymous]

This is a stupid thread. Girls - don't get drunk and floozy with my sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

Our DS goes to a private HS in SF. They have a teacher on staff (Shafia Zaloom) to teach the kids in 10th grade about consent, navigating conversations around consent and she also runs their sex ed program which is very good. I believe she's also traveled to DC to do similar teaching modules for teens in DMV high schools, such as GDS. She has a book as well which could be helpful for having convos with your son.

[Anonymous]

Its offensive you think all our boys are preditors and rapists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

I prepared my DS to stay away from toxic women such as yourself and all of your immasculinating garbage that you spew on a daily basis. All men are not like this, just as all women, thankfully, are not like you. My DS and his friends look at you and ANY woman who thinks about them the way you do as psychotic. That is what his father and I would have taught him, fortunately he has his own brain and figured that out himself. You NEED serious mental healthcare.

Well said. Just what I was thinking.

+1 yeah just the tone of the 2nd paragraph of OP - my first reaction was "this is why we lost the election." Demonizing half the population (and kids!) as "men are predators."

[Anonymous]

I'm seeing a lot about consent, which is great, but the major factor that's radicalizing boys into straight-up woman hating is social media. Do know what your sons are watching online? What podcasts they're listening to? I would really encourage moms to get familiar with some of the most popular streamers and podcasters and have conversations with your sons about how content creators like to say outrageous statements for attention. Look up Fresh and Fit, Kai Cenat, Aden Ross, and Andrew Schultz to start. Taylor Lorenz is really annoying but has a great little blog called User Mag that breaks down the latest news in online media targeting gen z and gen alpha. Read an article with your kids and have a discussion with them about it.