What do you think of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.

You are fine. Let him handle the ex. I'd move on mentally if you can.

Thanks. He handles all communications with his ex and 98% of what step-daughter needs. He sucks at hair-do's and I don't.

Back to work for me. I half suspect his ex found the thread.

OP, you asked why there's pushback. People are trying to tell you-- it's possibly because you and your DH may have not done a good job. You can agree or disagree. But if you and your DH don't even know what a good job look like, and don't try to figure it out, then you're going to have this kind of issue ongoing.

You are the ONLY one trying to tell her that because you have issues. The rest of us are telling her it was totally fine for dad to leave his daughter with his wife.

It is totally fine. There is nothing wrong with that. But it's not fine if, in the big picture, he tends to dump his kid on women to the detriment of his parent-child relationship. And it's not fine if he and his wife didn't handle all of the responsibilities of having a sick kid and expect the ex-wife to deal with the administrative stuff. OP needs to wrap her head around that-- that kind of thing is the job of the parent with custody on the day. Even if you have, OMG, a meeting.

You are making up stuff.

So did they handle the school requirements or didn't they?

You are weirdly fixated on that. Go grind your ax with your ex instead of obsessing on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

No problem whatsoever for the stepmom to stay home with the sick child. Why is this even a question. People should be happy there are more people around to love their kids. And I’m a mom with an XH who remarried and his new wife is very active with the kids, which I personally find value in. I’d much rather my kids have an engaged stepmom who wants to be there for them then one who competes with them or isn’t kind to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you didn't do anything wrong that I can see. But it's important that you have your ears open to what people are telling you, even if it comes wrapped in an annoying package or from a source you think is biased. Remember, his ex knows him *very* well.

If your DH shirks as a parent and work is always his excuse, if he doesn't adhere to his custody agreement as written, if he doesn't proactively make sure he's handling the boring admin of parenting, then things are going to be difficult. Right now you're feeling attacked, but you've gotten some good advice here. Take what's useful to you.

Not all people can take off. No reason why stepmom shouldn’t stay home. Maybe mom is the problem and not dad. She’ll look for any reason to be mean.

That's not the point. The point is this particular incident isn't necessarily problematic (though it really depends on the specifics of the custody agreement and whether school/medical stuff was handled). The point is this may be symptomatic of a larger problem, and that OP should keep her eyes wide open and be open to the possibility that even a totally awful, crazy, horrid ex-wife might have a point now and then, and might be telling OP something that she could benefit from knowing.

Op is never going to win. Mom should thank her but never will. Mom should have changed days if it’s an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.

You are fine. Let him handle the ex. I'd move on mentally if you can.

Thanks. He handles all communications with his ex and 98% of what step-daughter needs. He sucks at hair-do's and I don't.

Back to work for me. I half suspect his ex found the thread.

OP, you asked why there's pushback. People are trying to tell you-- it's possibly because you and your DH may have not done a good job. You can agree or disagree. But if you and your DH don't even know what a good job look like, and don't try to figure it out, then you're going to have this kind of issue ongoing.

You are the ONLY one trying to tell her that because you have issues. The rest of us are telling her it was totally fine for dad to leave his daughter with his wife.

It is totally fine. There is nothing wrong with that. But it's not fine if, in the big picture, he tends to dump his kid on women to the detriment of his parent-child relationship. And it's not fine if he and his wife didn't handle all of the responsibilities of having a sick kid and expect the ex-wife to deal with the administrative stuff. OP needs to wrap her head around that-- that kind of thing is the job of the parent with custody on the day. Even if you have, OMG, a meeting.

You are making up stuff.

So did they handle the school requirements or didn't they?

Stop projecting. There is a reason why your ex is not involved and both of you are the problem. And who cares who does it. Most homes have split roles.

[Anonymous]

I think Mom is going to drive herself crazy if she keeps a score card for the next 11 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Mom is going to drive herself crazy if she keeps a score card for the next 11 years.

I think Mom was triggered by this one example of the Dad being selfish and expecting women to serve him. OP seems to be surprised and indicate that normally they have a decent relationship. This was a thing very specific to the child being sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Mom is going to drive herself crazy if she keeps a score card for the next 11 years.

I think Mom was triggered by this one example of the Dad being selfish and expecting women to serve him. OP seems to be surprised and indicate that normally they have a decent relationship. This was a thing very specific to the child being sick.

You are the one triggered. When you are married you help each other out. That is marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Mom is going to drive herself crazy if she keeps a score card for the next 11 years.

I think Mom was triggered by this one example of the Dad being selfish and expecting women to serve him. OP seems to be surprised and indicate that normally they have a decent relationship. This was a thing very specific to the child being sick.

You are the one triggered. When you are married you help each other out. That is marriage.

The mom is isn’t married to the stepmom …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Mom is going to drive herself crazy if she keeps a score card for the next 11 years.

I think Mom was triggered by this one example of the Dad being selfish and expecting women to serve him. OP seems to be surprised and indicate that normally they have a decent relationship. This was a thing very specific to the child being sick.

You are the one triggered. When you are married you help each other out. That is marriage.

The mom is isn’t married to the stepmom …

No. I'm married to dad and chose to help out when I was able to. See that word? CHOSE. I will do it again if I need to. My husband doesn't expect me to serve him, we are partners. Your issues are your own, don't put them on me. As far as someone's obsession with the school related stuff, dh took care of it. He isn't a useless man-child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Mom is going to drive herself crazy if she keeps a score card for the next 11 years.

I think Mom was triggered by this one example of the Dad being selfish and expecting women to serve him. OP seems to be surprised and indicate that normally they have a decent relationship. This was a thing very specific to the child being sick.

You are the one triggered. When you are married you help each other out. That is marriage.

The mom is isn’t married to the stepmom …

No. I'm married to dad and chose to help out when I was able to. See that word? CHOSE. I will do it again if I need to. My husband doesn't expect me to serve him, we are partners. Your issues are your own, don't put them on me. As far as someone's obsession with the school related stuff, dh took care of it. He isn't a useless man-child.

I think you absolutely did the right thing OP, and I’m hoping the mom can get over her emotions and recognize that there’s nothing wrong at all with you taking care of your sick stepchild.

[Anonymous]

So Dad needs to show hardship since Mom did? Ah. So now we understand who broke up this marriage. Looking at you, OP.

Good grief.