Halloween dis-invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We included a boy like this yesterday because we know the parents. He is a “nerdy” boy and my son and his new friends are not in the same friend group in middle school and on. My son is nice and we were the hosts so we invited them. Normally this boy would not be included. They are now in high school.

Your son needs to find his own new group.

In MS, you have parties first and then kids go ToT together?

It is not some formal party. A group of around 10 boys came over to my house. I ordered food. They hung out, went trick or treating, came back and hung out until midnight.

The other boy left early. The mom and I are friends and she thanked me for including her son. High school is really old for parents to be involved.

In high school, most kids just hang out at a party house then?? What do the kids with no invites do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We included a boy like this yesterday because we know the parents. He is a “nerdy” boy and my son and his new friends are not in the same friend group in middle school and on. My son is nice and we were the hosts so we invited them. Normally this boy would not be included. They are now in high school.

Your son needs to find his own new group.

In MS, you have parties first and then kids go ToT together?

It is not some formal party. A group of around 10 boys came over to my house. I ordered food. They hung out, went trick or treating, came back and hung out until midnight.

The other boy left early. The mom and I are friends and she thanked me for including her son. High school is really old for parents to be involved.

In high school, most kids just hang out at a party house then?? What do the kids with no invites do?

I think most kids don’t do trick or treating in high school. Half the kids didn’t want to go and half did. They are really nice kids.

There are Halloween parties for older kids with girls probably in slutty costumes and alcohol.

My kids are just a group of boys having some fun on Halloween. I know a few boys in their group went to a larger Halloween party with girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We included a boy like this yesterday because we know the parents. He is a “nerdy” boy and my son and his new friends are not in the same friend group in middle school and on. My son is nice and we were the hosts so we invited them. Normally this boy would not be included. They are now in high school.

Your son needs to find his own new group.

In MS, you have parties first and then kids go ToT together?

It is not some formal party. A group of around 10 boys came over to my house. I ordered food. They hung out, went trick or treating, came back and hung out until midnight.

The other boy left early. The mom and I are friends and she thanked me for including her son. High school is really old for parents to be involved.

In high school, most kids just hang out at a party house then?? What do the kids with no invites do?

They probably stay home and hand out candy. I don’t think I ever did anything for Halloween when I was a teen - middle or high school.

Also many schools had long weekends this year. I know many families who are on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

[Anonymous]

We are a non-White, non-Christian immigrant minority. I used to end up doing dinner and pictures before ToT and every kid in the neighborhood was invited (including the parents). My kids would also invite their school friends or friends from extra-curricular activities. Kids who were part of family and friends would also get invited and all of them could bring a friend or two. All we needed was a count of the number of people we were inviting so we knew how much pizza and wings to order.

Why would you wait for other people to include or exclude your child? You have your own damn party and you make sure to be inclusive to everyone. Let your kids understand that they should control the narrative of their lives. This is a valuable lesson for them to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I know tons of the parents in elementary school. But it seems like a totally different game once you get to middle school and three to four different elementary schools come together. I don't know the parents of the kid having the gathering prior to trick or treating tonight. It's not a block party or a class party. It's just a handful of friends at his house. Apparently it is exactly the kids that walk to school together minus my DS.

Anyway, I care less about who to blame and more about how I help my kid so he's not stuffing down his feelings. Seems like boys have a hard time articulating how they're feeling in words.

In the meantime I'm trying to make it fun, handing out candy, watching a movie and he still wants to go out trick or treating but on his own (likely with Dad trailing way behind).

You said it was people on your street that he walks to school with every day. They didn't go to ES together? You don't know your own neighbors?

Very long street, not nearby neighbors and the family new to the area this summer. So no, judgy mcjudgerson lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

I mean if you call being the meeting house and ordering food hosting. Kids come to my house all the time. All 3 of my kids had people over.

Some years my kids have gone to other neighborhoods. Some people do formal invitations. Mine was informal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes tweens / young teens are not thinking of all the possibly consequences. They have a thought and go with it. One thing you can do is to teach your son to not respond that its fine if it isn't. So when the friend disinvites him, he can respond to friend with someting along the lines of that sucks, now I have no one to go with or time to make other plans (but in MS appropriate language). Sometimes just giving the other kid more information to work with in the moment can lead to them realizing the consequences and then making a different decision.

My DS did this last night when he was dropped at the last minute by his “best friend”….and the kid sent it to the group chat and made fun of him for being upset. So…0/10 do not recommend. Now my kid who was hurt is twice as upset and has a whole group making fun of him.

Does validate my husband and I telling him for months that this kid is a jerk and not a real friend!

Even though he doesn't feel like it now, he did the right thing. Best friends should care if they hurt you.

With jerky friends, best to rip the bandage off quickly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

No, no. "Hosting" is never a problem because in this society the bar is so low. You can get cheap food - pizza, wings, fried chicken, tacos, chicken nuggets - from any fast food restaurant and you can feed the guests. The biggest problem is that people are miserly, selfish, lazy, hoarders and have dirty homes. They go rabid at the thought that they have to host or reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

We were going to host at our house and then a few days ago the party shifted to someone else’s house. That kid then flaked last minute so kids ended up scattered. So annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.