I worry about my son a lot more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for all the boys out there being “raised” by man-hating mothers and clueless, sniveling fathers.

And I feel sorry for all the girls being infantilized by these same parents, taught that they are perpetual victims with no agency in their lives.

Most of the enlightened DCUM crowd have serious emotional baggage, and you will almost certainly pass your neuroticism on to your kids.

People like OP and probably you are the ones who infantilize daughter… no need to instill any sense of achievement since they can just get married and have their husbands take care of them after all!

People who regularly demean SAHMs and housewives have bought into the lie that women are only valuable as long their achievements are in areas traditionally valued by men.

Op literally said she didn’t worry about her daughters bc they can always have a husband take care of them. Having someone else take care you your whole life seems pretty close to the definition of infantilism.

[Anonymous]

I believe these fears are real for the people like OP posting, but my advice is: if you have any, ask your friends of color how they raise their sons. I never expected the world to hand anything to my kids on a silver platter, or for them to be assumed to be the best for a job, or even to be assumed competent without proving it or treated fairly. There's a long line in other cultures of raising kids to work twice as hard, grind for every inch, and expect setbacks. I feel like these white moms are very overwhelmed by the idea of this mindset being necessary when it comes to their boys (but not girls, that's just the natural order of things or something her husband will sort out). You can either freak out at the idea that your sons are being born into a different social order than their fathers were born into, or you can try to actually learn from people who have achieved even though the world was not ever set up for them to coast.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really worry about either my sons or my daughter as people. I do wonder how they are going to navigate through a world with so many obviously maladjusted people in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

Op- this is exactly how I feel. I also work. But boys simply do not have the option of NOT being a provider. That option is just more accessible to women. I feel like my boy has to work ten times as hard as a result.

Sure they do. 40% of households have a woman as the single or main wage-earner. Plenty of men supported by their wives or their children being supported by their exes.

The fact that you want to ignore nearly half the population and believe your son doesn’t have a choice is an interesting reflection on…you.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

Op- this is exactly how I feel. I also work. But boys simply do not have the option of NOT being a provider. That option is just more accessible to women. I feel like my boy has to work ten times as hard as a result.

Sure they do. 40% of households have a woman as the single or main wage-earner. Plenty of men supported by their wives or their children being supported by their exes.

The fact that you want to ignore nearly half the population and believe your son doesn’t have a choice is an interesting reflection on…you.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/

Women may be breadwinners but it doesn't make them happy.

"When it comes to family-life satisfaction, women who earn more than their husbands report lower satisfaction than their peers who have a lower income than their spouses, according to a new Institute for Family Studies/Wheatley Institution survey of U.S. adults ages 18 to 50. Just over half of women who out-earn their husbands (56%) say they are very satisfied with their family life, compared with nearly 70% of women who are not the primary breadwinner in the house. In contrast, the survey suggests that life satisfaction does not differ significantly among married men, whether they are the primary breadwinner or not."

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-happiness-penalty-for-breadwinning-moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

Op- this is exactly how I feel. I also work. But boys simply do not have the option of NOT being a provider. That option is just more accessible to women. I feel like my boy has to work ten times as hard as a result.

Sure they do. 40% of households have a woman as the single or main wage-earner. Plenty of men supported by their wives or their children being supported by their exes.

The fact that you want to ignore nearly half the population and believe your son doesn’t have a choice is an interesting reflection on…you.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/

Women may be breadwinners but it doesn't make them happy.

"When it comes to family-life satisfaction, women who earn more than their husbands report lower satisfaction than their peers who have a lower income than their spouses, according to a new Institute for Family Studies/Wheatley Institution survey of U.S. adults ages 18 to 50. Just over half of women who out-earn their husbands (56%) say they are very satisfied with their family life, compared with nearly 70% of women who are not the primary breadwinner in the house. In contrast, the survey suggests that life satisfaction does not differ significantly among married men, whether they are the primary breadwinner or not."

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-happiness-penalty-for-breadwinning-moms

Somehow I don’t think the happiness of her son’s eventual partner is something that the OP cares about in the slightest, given how easy she thinks her own daughter has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

Op- this is exactly how I feel. I also work. But boys simply do not have the option of NOT being a provider. That option is just more accessible to women. I feel like my boy has to work ten times as hard as a result.

Sure they do. 40% of households have a woman as the single or main wage-earner. Plenty of men supported by their wives or their children being supported by their exes.

The fact that you want to ignore nearly half the population and believe your son doesn’t have a choice is an interesting reflection on…you.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/

Women may be breadwinners but it doesn't make them happy.

"When it comes to family-life satisfaction, women who earn more than their husbands report lower satisfaction than their peers who have a lower income than their spouses, according to a new Institute for Family Studies/Wheatley Institution survey of U.S. adults ages 18 to 50. Just over half of women who out-earn their husbands (56%) say they are very satisfied with their family life, compared with nearly 70% of women who are not the primary breadwinner in the house. In contrast, the survey suggests that life satisfaction does not differ significantly among married men, whether they are the primary breadwinner or not."

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-happiness-penalty-for-breadwinning-moms

If the satisfaction is the same for men whether they’re the bread winner or not then op should chill out - her son will be just fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe these fears are real for the people like OP posting, but my advice is: if you have any, ask your friends of color how they raise their sons. I never expected the world to hand anything to my kids on a silver platter, or for them to be assumed to be the best for a job, or even to be assumed competent without proving it or treated fairly. There's a long line in other cultures of raising kids to work twice as hard, grind for every inch, and expect setbacks. I feel like these white moms are very overwhelmed by the idea of this mindset being necessary when it comes to their boys (but not girls, that's just the natural order of things or something her husband will sort out). You can either freak out at the idea that your sons are being born into a different social order than their fathers were born into, or you can try to actually learn from people who have achieved even though the world was not ever set up for them to coast.

Same pp, same thought. As a WOC I couldn't really relate but you captured it beautifully.
I've always raised my boys not to be surprised if people treat them unfairly because they are not white (nor white passing) and expect a "real world" once they are out of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

Yo, what decade did you come from? It’s not even remotely controversial to acknowledge in the year 20204 the.boys.are.not.alright. I hope you don’t have kids, your ideology is glaringly inaccurate and affecting your ability to think critically about issues that affect not only our kids but our entire society. Go back to bed.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

No. Girls have problems but are quiet and well behaved so they are ignored. Then they grow up and society crushes their spirits. I would never feel sorry for a white man/boy.

You're an idiot and a misandrist at that.

Where did I say anything negative about boys? Everything I said is true and calling me names (typical #boymom behavior) is very expected. So thanks for proving my point.

https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/how-gender-disparities-affect-classroom-learning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

How many MEN have been president of the US? How many men have been alive in the US? What percentage of men have been president of the US vs percentage of women? Hint: statistically speaking it’s the same.

Stop trotting out this stupid talking point. It has absolutely no relevance to the life of and potential hardships faced by the average man. Or woman.

46 more men than women!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a son and he has been relatively easy to raise even with ADHD and mental health issues. Boys are just simpler. Less drama, they don’t care about social media, etc.

Not in my experience

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the posters who are offended that the OP said her daughter as being a future SAHM as an option. Almost every other post on dcum is “DH is rich but we decided it’s best for our family to stay home.” That is the ideal so many women on here talk about, so why the issue with saying this life is an option for a girls future?

[Anonymous]

I would like to hear from moms of boys and girls who don't have these fears about their boys. Are there any on this thread? Maybe you listen to us if all of us have these feelings. Maybe moms of only girls don't get it.

[Anonymous]

I am one of three kids, two girls and a boy. My parents absolutely worried the most about my brother. He had years of speech therapy, struggled the most in school, had some health problems and even got arrested as a teenager. He went to an OK college and then spent a couple of years trying to find his footing careerwise. But now we’re all in our 40s and he has a great life: a family and a great career, a wife who is beautiful and successful. I also did well for myself. My sister, who my parents probably worried about the least, has had the most difficulty in adulthood—perhaps because she was the least prepared for how difficult it would be.