Boyfriend doesn’t take me on dates anymore

[Anonymous]

Ladies I’m dating someone who only makes $150K/year at 55 and he still plans nice things for us. They don’t cost $200-500 each time bc that is straight up insane to do twice a week. Even when I was dating a surgeon who made $500K we didn’t spend that kind of money on dates that often. If you think spring the equivalent of someone’s mortgage on dates every month is the bar you are going to be single a very very long time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for chiming in. This has been enlightening.

For those who accused me of being a gold digger, that is not the case one bit. for me it is about making sure I have a partner who wants to get out and do stuff, who will take turns with planning. I think it’s great that we cannot around and do nothing in together and have a good time. But I also like to explore sometimes. if we are gonna be together for the long haul, I want us to make memories together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for chiming in. This has been enlightening.

For those who accused me of being a gold digger, that is not the case one bit. for me it is about making sure I have a partner who wants to get out and do stuff, who will take turns with planning. I think it’s great that we cannot around and do nothing in together and have a good time. But I also like to explore sometimes. if we are gonna be together for the long haul, I want us to make memories together.

Is the issue no longer going on lavish dates or him not wanting to go out? You can go out as you say and it not be lavish. What’s really going on with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m totally in love with my boyfriend. We’ve been together little under a year. We enjoy on another tremendously and just fit well.

In the beginning of dating he had to plan lavish dates on a weekly basis. they were really nice and would pick up on little things I’d mentioned that I like here and there. This lasted for 3-4 months and then ended. He doesn’t really take me out anymore. I still enjoy the time we spend together, but I’d like to go on dates that he plans sometimes (say 1-2 times a month).

I’ve offered to take us out a few times to try and spice it back up but each time he has declined. Would you mention that you want the dates back? Or just let it be? I truly do enjoy our regular day to day time.

Women are intense and passionate. And amazingly they will maintain the same passion and intensity up into their 90s I find that truly amazing as a man. I don't want to speak for all man but I'm still single today because I have not been able to keep up with that intensity. I'm a boring guy I'll go in dates here and there but most days I'm just happy staying home. For the typical woman that's a non starter. I'm happy with hooking up here and there but falling in love forget it any woman will be disappointed with me after a few months just like OP described.

Are most men like me? Of course not. Are 20% like me probably

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m totally in love with my boyfriend. We’ve been together little under a year. We enjoy on another tremendously and just fit well.

In the beginning of dating he had to plan lavish dates on a weekly basis. they were really nice and would pick up on little things I’d mentioned that I like here and there. This lasted for 3-4 months and then ended. He doesn’t really take me out anymore. I still enjoy the time we spend together, but I’d like to go on dates that he plans sometimes (say 1-2 times a month).

I’ve offered to take us out a few times to try and spice it back up but each time he has declined. Would you mention that you want the dates back? Or just let it be? I truly do enjoy our regular day to day time.

Women are intense and passionate. And amazingly they will maintain the same passion and intensity up into their 90s I find that truly amazing as a man. I don't want to speak for all man but I'm still single today because I have not been able to keep up with that intensity. I'm a boring guy I'll go in dates here and there but most days I'm just happy staying home. For the typical woman that's a non starter. I'm happy with hooking up here and there but falling in love forget it any woman will be disappointed with me after a few months just like OP described.

Are most men like me? Of course not. Are 20% like me probably

Women just go into mental decline later in life vs men, and they are socialized to give to others. When kids are out of the nest or she’s single, she will still have extravert, facing outward, interests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for chiming in. This has been enlightening.

For those who accused me of being a gold digger, that is not the case one bit. for me it is about making sure I have a partner who wants to get out and do stuff, who will take turns with planning. I think it’s great that we cannot around and do nothing in together and have a good time. But I also like to explore sometimes. if we are gonna be together for the long haul, I want us to make memories together.

Is the issue no longer going on lavish dates or him not wanting to go out? You can go out as you say and it not be lavish. What’s really going on with you?

The dates don’t have to be lavish. I just would like him to still plan dates sometimes. I’d also like him to accept when I offer to plan dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for chiming in. This has been enlightening.

For those who accused me of being a gold digger, that is not the case one bit. for me it is about making sure I have a partner who wants to get out and do stuff, who will take turns with planning. I think it’s great that we cannot around and do nothing in together and have a good time. But I also like to explore sometimes. if we are gonna be together for the long haul, I want us to make memories together.

Is the issue no longer going on lavish dates or him not wanting to go out? You can go out as you say and it not be lavish. What’s really going on with you?

The dates don’t have to be lavish. I just would like him to still plan dates sometimes. I’d also like him to accept when I offer to plan dates.

Does him "accepting" your date plan also mean that he has to pay for it?

[Anonymous]

Do you put in effort. I dated someone for two years and always planned the dates, always planned vacations, all logistics and stuff. She thought that she didn’t have to I guess because she was offering herself and she was the table. I brought everything to the table she brought nothing. So eventually I stopped and she got bored. I was like you can offer up ideas…it was exhausting.

So maybe surprise home and do something for him. Show some effort and that he’s appreciated. In the end I felt used and like she was with me because I did stuff for her only. I’m not an ATM. It’s the 2020s, ya’ll are equal to us now. How about you plan something once in a while

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for chiming in. This has been enlightening.

For those who accused me of being a gold digger, that is not the case one bit. for me it is about making sure I have a partner who wants to get out and do stuff, who will take turns with planning. I think it’s great that we cannot around and do nothing in together and have a good time. But I also like to explore sometimes. if we are gonna be together for the long haul, I want us to make memories together.

Is the issue no longer going on lavish dates or him not wanting to go out? You can go out as you say and it not be lavish. What’s really going on with you?

The dates don’t have to be lavish. I just would like him to still plan dates sometimes. I’d also like him to accept when I offer to plan dates.

I asked the previous question which you answered. Your response makes sense to me. And why do you have to offer to plan dates versus planning the dates? And, I pray that if you plan the date that you are also paying for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him it is important for you to have dates so you can be recharged and inform him it doesn’t have to be expensive.

+1

And how much you appreciated the thoughtfulness. Ask him why he turns you down when you plan dates? I do worry he's a homebody at heart. Would you be ok being in a relationship where most of your going out is with your girlfriends? Mine has turned into that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for chiming in. This has been enlightening.

For those who accused me of being a gold digger, that is not the case one bit. for me it is about making sure I have a partner who wants to get out and do stuff, who will take turns with planning. I think it’s great that we cannot around and do nothing in together and have a good time. But I also like to explore sometimes. if we are gonna be together for the long haul, I want us to make memories together.

Is the issue no longer going on lavish dates or him not wanting to go out? You can go out as you say and it not be lavish. What’s really going on with you?

The dates don’t have to be lavish. I just would like him to still plan dates sometimes. I’d also like him to accept when I offer to plan dates.

I asked the previous question which you answered. Your response makes sense to me. And why do you have to offer to plan dates versus planning the dates? And, I pray that if you plan the date that you are also paying for it.

It’s playing with words - OP did say she offered to take him out and he declined. It implies she got tickets at least somewhere and paid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies I’m dating someone who only makes $150K/year at 55 and he still plans nice things for us. They don’t cost $200-500 each time bc that is straight up insane to do twice a week. Even when I was dating a surgeon who made $500K we didn’t spend that kind of money on dates that often. If you think spring the equivalent of someone’s mortgage on dates every month is the bar you are going to be single a very very long time.

Seems you always ask them how much they make before going out 😂

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is a money thing. Dates can be super expensive. Instead of offering to initiate a date night, demand that you want it. He’s not a mind reader and might simply not be able to tell you want to go. Just say you want to go if you want to go. No need to be indirect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s landed the prize, now he thinks he doesn’t have to work anymore.

Give me a break. 1-2 times per month is extraordinarily expensive. Lavish date nights can easily run $300-500 every time these days. Blowing $1000 per month on fancy date nights is financially really stupid. Fancy date nights should really only be once or twice per year outside of anniversaries once you’re regular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s landed the prize, now he thinks he doesn’t have to work anymore.

Give me a break. 1-2 times per month is extraordinarily expensive. Lavish date nights can easily run $300-500 every time these days. Blowing $1000 per month on fancy date nights is financially really stupid. Fancy date nights should really only be once or twice per year outside of anniversaries once you’re regular.

Girlfriend was getting *2k* in dates/month. That’s a lot of sugar.