Do I just let my kid quit and fail?

[Anonymous]

It's called burnout. Happens around age 13 for sports. Sports can go away, his grades seem fine if he's getting As and Bs. I don't see any major problem here. If a kid at that age says they don't want to play sports and you have to force them to go tocpracrice and games, yes, it's definitely time to stop.

[Anonymous]

From the mouth of my now 19 yr old DS:

"you should've pushed me more and not let me quite xyz.. I would've been really good at it by now."

Yes, I rolled my eyes at him. But sounds like your DC might needs some therapy.

ymmv

[Anonymous]

Op, he's not allowed to skip a family vacation. In our family, all children have to try out for 1 varsity sport. Have to try-out. Any sport of their choosing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone's comments on the academic stuff and concerns about bullying.

But I need to add something as a parent of an athlete who has made plenty of mistakes myself: you need to let tennis go. Saying you won't let him forfeit and DH yelled at him after a match that he won? This is crazy. You are putting so much pressure on him to be a tennis player. It doesn't matter how good he is. He does not want to be a tennis player and he is telling you so. Let it go. You are choosing his potential success at tennis over your relationship with him and his potential success at life. I know you just want the best for him, but you're setting up a situation where to him it feels like his standing in the family and your love for him is based on whether or not he succeeds at tennis.

He's intentionally pulling away from that and you're failing his test by showing that your love is indeed conditional based on his success at tennis. This is hard to do, but there are good resources online to help yourself separate from all that as a parent- I like Coach Rebecca from Complete Performance and Coach Bre. Both have some good articles to help you unwind where you are with a sport vs. where your kid is.

I believe there are two weeks of tennis left. We are not planning to sign him up.

I asked about our summer and at this point, he doesn’t want to do anything. He said he would like to take some friends to our beach house.

Who wouldn’t prefer to spend the summer at your beach house with friends than literally ANYTHING else.

[Anonymous]

He’s not allowed to skip a family vacation BUT a 3 week vacation is a long time. We started limiting our time away to one week when they became teens.

[Anonymous]

How’s his sleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How’s his sleep?

I came here to ask the same question!

Sleep is the most important thing every child needs and most kids are sleep deprived.

Also, are there electronics in his bedroom?

[Anonymous]

Doesn't take a genius to see the kid's exhausted and Mom is a PITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How’s his sleep?

I came here to ask the same question!

Sleep is the most important thing every child needs and most kids are sleep deprived.

Also, are there electronics in his bedroom?

His sleep is ok. His phone has downtime at 9pm so all his apps stop. We do allow music and calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the mouth of my now 19 yr old DS:

"you should've pushed me more and not let me quite xyz.. I would've been really good at it by now."

Yes, I rolled my eyes at him. But sounds like your DC might needs some therapy.

ymmv

We let him skip yesterday. He went to school today like normal. DH asked DS yesterday if he wanted to quit tennis. He said he does not want to quit. His brother is on the high school tennis team and it seems like this DS also wants to play high school tennis.

Younger DS is naturally a better athlete and naturally smarter than his older brother. Our older child is a much better student as he is very well disciplined. I know a lot of people have suggested our kid is over scheduled and burnt out. My older child is absolutely over scheduled with a very heavy courseload, three varsity sports, outside athletic training in addition to all the other extracurricular activities he does in high school. My middle school kid has these 1 hour practices and matches. He is not over scheduled.

DH and I are going to let DS have the lazy summer that he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - you honestly sound pretty pushy and that you have put a lot pressure on this child. I don't blame him for pushing back. This does sound unpleasant, especially given all that you have provided. However, it is not fair that you have put the burden of being the popular, smart, athletic golden child on him. Let him stop the sports. He will likely pick up one or two again.

I know it probably sounds like I push my kids but my kids are the ones interested in all these different activities. My older kid piles on his schedule all by himself. He is not as social as his siblings. He hangs out with his teammates during school but not so much outside of games and practices.

DH and I have decided to let middle son take some time to figure it out. My motto has always been to try your best. My problem with middle kid is that not only does he not try his best, he doesn’t try at all. I told Dh it kills me to watch him not try, to see all his missing assignments online. I do not think telling a kid to do his missing assignments is being pushy.

I always thought I was a hands off parent. Compared to other parents at our sporting events, I am the most chill. I actually don’t care if my kids win or lose. I watch other parents push, criticize all their mistakes, etc. I am just getting my kid to a match so he doesn’t forfeit for his team.

[Anonymous]

Some kids just aren't as motivated. They have to figure out themselves how it hurts them. Luckily there are all sorts of jobs for all sorts of people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the mouth of my now 19 yr old DS:

"you should've pushed me more and not let me quite xyz.. I would've been really good at it by now."

Yes, I rolled my eyes at him. But sounds like your DC might needs some therapy.

ymmv

We live in a competitive area where it is hard to make sports teams. If DS doesn’t keep playing, I’m not sure he will make the high school teams. I guess he has to want to actually play the sport to try out. He is probably good enough to make the golf and tennis teams as he is really good already. When he was so young, like 6 or 7, men on the golf course would comment what a great swing he had for a little kid. Same for tennis. Strangers would come up to us and tell us how good his swing was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the mouth of my now 19 yr old DS:

"you should've pushed me more and not let me quite xyz.. I would've been really good at it by now."

Yes, I rolled my eyes at him. But sounds like your DC might needs some therapy.

ymmv

We live in a competitive area where it is hard to make sports teams. If DS doesn’t keep playing, I’m not sure he will make the high school teams. I guess he has to want to actually play the sport to try out. He is probably good enough to make the golf and tennis teams as he is really good already. When he was so young, like 6 or 7, men on the golf course would comment what a great swing he had for a little kid. Same for tennis. Strangers would come up to us and tell us how good his swing was.

No amount of compliments from strangers and no amount of competition at HS tryouts matter if DS does not want to play. And you keep saying you aren't pushing him and you're low-key, but nothing I'm reading actually suggests that.

Let sports be his thing. Don't go to matches or practices- give him space to claim them as his own and decide if he wants it or if you want it for him. Drop him off and go do your own sport, gym workout, tennis lesson, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the mouth of my now 19 yr old DS:

"you should've pushed me more and not let me quite xyz.. I would've been really good at it by now."

Yes, I rolled my eyes at him. But sounds like your DC might needs some therapy.

ymmv

We live in a competitive area where it is hard to make sports teams. If DS doesn’t keep playing, I’m not sure he will make the high school teams. I guess he has to want to actually play the sport to try out. He is probably good enough to make the golf and tennis teams as he is really good already. When he was so young, like 6 or 7, men on the golf course would comment what a great swing he had for a little kid. Same for tennis. Strangers would come up to us and tell us how good his swing was.

Just let him drive this stuff. He will be fine either way.