Watching your kid play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a recent study done by Youth Sports Statistics, 37% of high school athletes that took part in the study did not want their own parents attending their games. That is an unbelievably disheartening statistic! And yet, if you have attended one of your child’s games recently you are probably aware of the toxic environment that is an all too frequent scene in youth sports.

63% want them to come. That's a large majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think we’d be doing our kids a favor if we were not all sitting breathlessly on the sidelines of every single game.

I love watching and supporting my kids, but they should be playing for themselves, and not an audience of adults (many of whom often give unhelpful feedback).

But you can also just be there, mostly stay quiet, and then after the game tell your kid "I love watching you play!" which is what I've seen suggested from several high level players in our sport is the right thing to say to a kid after a game.

That’s what I do (though I seem to be one of the quieter ones).

But I personally would love to hear how they feel about playing some games independently, with no parents at all. Let them, their teammates and coaches go solo.

I'm the one who doesn't go to most games and brings a book when I do. They feel just fine about my not watching because I started how I meant to go on. "Have fun; I'll pick you up at 6pm!" and off they went. So they're happy when I show, but don't care when I don't. At the start of each season I tell them to let me know iif they'll want me to come to something - they generally pick 1-3 games.

This is the kid who won't come home much once they move out. You're not close at all to your kid, and it shows, I'd stop bragging about it. Your kid will tell their future spouse how you weren't there for them and how they plan to do better.

DP but this is simply stupid. My spouse and/or I go to all of our kids’ events and games, even though my parents rarely came to mine. Looking back on it, I feel I could have been much better at those activities if my parents had shown any interest, but that’s it. I don’t feel like I was unloved or ignored! And I have a great relationship with my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think we’d be doing our kids a favor if we were not all sitting breathlessly on the sidelines of every single game.

I love watching and supporting my kids, but they should be playing for themselves, and not an audience of adults (many of whom often give unhelpful feedback).

But you can also just be there, mostly stay quiet, and then after the game tell your kid "I love watching you play!" which is what I've seen suggested from several high level players in our sport is the right thing to say to a kid after a game.

That’s what I do (though I seem to be one of the quieter ones).

But I personally would love to hear how they feel about playing some games independently, with no parents at all. Let them, their teammates and coaches go solo.

I'm the one who doesn't go to most games and brings a book when I do. They feel just fine about my not watching because I started how I meant to go on. "Have fun; I'll pick you up at 6pm!" and off they went. So they're happy when I show, but don't care when I don't. At the start of each season I tell them to let me know iif they'll want me to come to something - they generally pick 1-3 games.

This is the kid who won't come home much once they move out. You're not close at all to your kid, and it shows, I'd stop bragging about it. Your kid will tell their future spouse how you weren't there for them and how they plan to do better.

DP but this is simply stupid. My spouse and/or I go to all of our kids’ events and games, even though my parents rarely came to mine. Looking back on it, I feel I could have been much better at those activities if my parents had shown any interest, but that’s it. I don’t feel like I was unloved or ignored! And I have a great relationship with my parents.

My husband's parents didn't come to his games. They weren't interested. He wished his parents supported him more. They also didn't care when he quit because they weren't into it anyway. Their internet was in music not sports and he wasn't into sports. He doesn't have a great relationship with them today because they have never had much in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think we’d be doing our kids a favor if we were not all sitting breathlessly on the sidelines of every single game.

I love watching and supporting my kids, but they should be playing for themselves, and not an audience of adults (many of whom often give unhelpful feedback).

But you can also just be there, mostly stay quiet, and then after the game tell your kid "I love watching you play!" which is what I've seen suggested from several high level players in our sport is the right thing to say to a kid after a game.

That’s what I do (though I seem to be one of the quieter ones).

But I personally would love to hear how they feel about playing some games independently, with no parents at all. Let them, their teammates and coaches go solo.

I'm the one who doesn't go to most games and brings a book when I do. They feel just fine about my not watching because I started how I meant to go on. "Have fun; I'll pick you up at 6pm!" and off they went. So they're happy when I show, but don't care when I don't. At the start of each season I tell them to let me know iif they'll want me to come to something - they generally pick 1-3 games.

This is the kid who won't come home much once they move out. You're not close at all to your kid, and it shows, I'd stop bragging about it. Your kid will tell their future spouse how you weren't there for them and how they plan to do better.

DP but this is simply stupid. My spouse and/or I go to all of our kids’ events and games, even though my parents rarely came to mine. Looking back on it, I feel I could have been much better at those activities if my parents had shown any interest, but that’s it. I don’t feel like I was unloved or ignored! And I have a great relationship with my parents.

My husband's parents didn't come to his games. They weren't interested. He wished his parents supported him more. They also didn't care when he quit because they weren't into it anyway. Their internet was in music not sports and he wasn't into sports. He doesn't have a great relationship with them today because they have never had much in common.

^ he was into sports, they were into music

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a recent study done by Youth Sports Statistics, 37% of high school athletes that took part in the study did not want their own parents attending their games. That is an unbelievably disheartening statistic! And yet, if you have attended one of your child’s games recently you are probably aware of the toxic environment that is an all too frequent scene in youth sports.

This doesn’t surprise me at all. If anything I am surprised it isn’t higher. At least 1/3 of the dads are still total nutbags at HS age. In youth sports- much higher percentage (some eventually realize their kid is not making teams because of crazy dad, so they reluctantly learn to behave).

Sad state of affairs really. I’m sure there may be some moms in that category as well but I haven’t seen many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a recent study done by Youth Sports Statistics, 37% of high school athletes that took part in the study did not want their own parents attending their games. That is an unbelievably disheartening statistic! And yet, if you have attended one of your child’s games recently you are probably aware of the toxic environment that is an all too frequent scene in youth sports.

This doesn’t surprise me at all. If anything I am surprised it isn’t higher. At least 1/3 of the dads are still total nutbags at HS age. In youth sports- much higher percentage (some eventually realize their kid is not making teams because of crazy dad, so they reluctantly learn to behave).

Sad state of affairs really. I’m sure there may be some moms in that category as well but I haven’t seen many.

Seriously? There are so many moms who have no clue yet they yell and scream like maniacs.

[Anonymous]

I get a little nervous, but I know that aside from injury, every experience is part of the learning experience, whether good or bad. I was next to a mom who was losing her mind when her son didn’t make it to the starting block on time, and when she calmed down, I offered that the experience of missing a race was probably the most learning experience he could have had. I try to take the long view and appreciate the moments of struggle because that is what creates grit and resilience. And I try to encourage my kids to brush off their mistakes and move on.

[Anonymous]

I only missed a couple of my DD's games and I love seeing her play. Early on I was not her best supporter: she loved her sport, but she was not very good at it. With no sports culture in our family, I didn't know how to deal with disappointment. We were talking abut the games on the way home and I was quite harsh with her or at her team. Once she started playing club, I noticed how other parents supported their kids and I felt terrible about being negative when she was still learning the game. I like to believe that my attitude changed for the better.