So sad for my son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new team

That's not helpful, good lord.

Disagree. I have high schoolers who play competitive sports and in the early years switching teams was, at the end, the best decision.

With that said, FAVORITISM happens in most sports and it does take a mental toll on many kids.

My oldest, tall, handsome and athletic, son had to decide between HS sports team or his mental health for his Senior year.
It was hard because he always saw himself playing his Senior year but the team was just too toxic so after many conversations he decided not to participate.

Best decision ever, he's a stress free Senior and looking forward to College now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

History tells us he will end up quitting this sport and giving you a fake reason for doing so. Very common for kids to give up competitive team sports in middle school as the ability gap and posturing become social issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post is so baseball you didn't even have to reveal the sport and I already knew. It's called "dadball" for a reason. If your kid's dad isn't one of the staff and your kid isn't friends with one of the dada's boys, good luck.

Long term, dadball is one of the worst sports in terms of time and money invested vs probability of having an adult professional career. The best that college dadball players can hope for is living on food stamps for several years while playing for a farm team. Middle school is a good time to transition to another sport with a different parent culture. Track and field parents do not seem as unhinged in my experience.

FYI - it's not "dadball"

It's "Daddybally", which is much more fitting and insulting. Bc it suggests that the coach's kids are babies

Whether you call it dadball or daddybally, the phenomenon is apparently not limited to the US, even my Japanese friend said it was similar over there with dads running teams and leagues. I should ask her what name they give it.

OP, good luck to your son in finding a better team, even if he has to choose a different sport.

[Anonymous]

I’ve witnessed this a few times. Middle school is where some kids start to take their sport very seriously and appoint themselves as gatekeepers. If a teammate isn’t as skilled, they’ll target them and do everything they can to drive them out of the sport. They may think they’re improving the team by getting rid of “dead wood”, but all they’re doing is weakening the HS pipeline. Every sport needs a deep bench to thrive.

For now, find a more supportive team for your son to continue playing and developing in the game he loves. Don’t let them be the reason he quits. Things change, and he may find the landscape looks different in a few years after puberty, burnout, and more objective coaches shake things up with his current teammates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post is so baseball you didn't even have to reveal the sport and I already knew. It's called "dadball" for a reason. If your kid's dad isn't one of the staff and your kid isn't friends with one of the dada's boys, good luck.

Long term, dadball is one of the worst sports in terms of time and money invested vs probability of having an adult professional career. The best that college dadball players can hope for is living on food stamps for several years while playing for a farm team. Middle school is a good time to transition to another sport with a different parent culture. Track and field parents do not seem as unhinged in my experience.

FYI - it's not "dadball"

It's "Daddybally", which is much more fitting and insulting. Bc it suggests that the coach's kids are babies

Whether you call it dadball or daddybally, the phenomenon is apparently not limited to the US, even my Japanese friend said it was similar over there with dads running teams and leagues. I should ask her what name they give it.

OP, good luck to your son in finding a better team, even if he has to choose a different sport.

Let’s also be honest that these dads feel entitled to do this because they are volunteering to do something most other parents can’t or won’t do. I don’t condone this behavior but I also recognize that these people feel entitled for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post is so baseball you didn't even have to reveal the sport and I already knew. It's called "dadball" for a reason. If your kid's dad isn't one of the staff and your kid isn't friends with one of the dada's boys, good luck.

Long term, dadball is one of the worst sports in terms of time and money invested vs probability of having an adult professional career. The best that college dadball players can hope for is living on food stamps for several years while playing for a farm team. Middle school is a good time to transition to another sport with a different parent culture. Track and field parents do not seem as unhinged in my experience.

FYI - it's not "dadball"

It's "Daddybally", which is much more fitting and insulting. Bc it suggests that the coach's kids are babies

Whether you call it dadball or daddybally, the phenomenon is apparently not limited to the US, even my Japanese friend said it was similar over there with dads running teams and leagues. I should ask her what name they give it.

OP, good luck to your son in finding a better team, even if he has to choose a different sport.

Let’s also be honest that these dads feel entitled to do this because they are volunteering to do something most other parents can’t or won’t do. I don’t condone this behavior but I also recognize that these people feel entitled for a reason.

Very true. I really appreciate the dads who step up and volunteer and don’t really mind if they throw their own kid a bone here and there in terms of positions or playing time.

The major problem I see is that some dads simply cannot volunteer- usually due to their job (for example jobs requiring significant travel, military, or even shift work in the evenings like certain MDs, police officers etc). Or some kids don’t have a dad in the picture at all. Volunteering to coach requires a very specific timetable to make the practices and games - really not much flexibility. Some dads just can’t make it work, and that is fine. The volunteer dads need to be understanding of that and still develop all of the kids…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post is so baseball you didn't even have to reveal the sport and I already knew. It's called "dadball" for a reason. If your kid's dad isn't one of the staff and your kid isn't friends with one of the dada's boys, good luck.

Long term, dadball is one of the worst sports in terms of time and money invested vs probability of having an adult professional career. The best that college dadball players can hope for is living on food stamps for several years while playing for a farm team. Middle school is a good time to transition to another sport with a different parent culture. Track and field parents do not seem as unhinged in my experience.

FYI - it's not "dadball"

It's "Daddybally", which is much more fitting and insulting. Bc it suggests that the coach's kids are babies

Whether you call it dadball or daddybally, the phenomenon is apparently not limited to the US, even my Japanese friend said it was similar over there with dads running teams and leagues. I should ask her what name they give it.

OP, good luck to your son in finding a better team, even if he has to choose a different sport.

Let’s also be honest that these dads feel entitled to do this because they are volunteering to do something most other parents can’t or won’t do. I don’t condone this behavior but I also recognize that these people feel entitled for a reason.

It's not that simple. Sometimes the dads won't let other parents take the lead in other volunteer capacities. Sometimes the higher ups in the league are yet more dad buddies. When you're faced with an impenetrable wall of dad clique gatekeepers, it doesn't matter how much time you are willing to volunteer.

[Anonymous]

The dad coaches can be an issue- there are simple measures you can take:

- in our league, coach requests are allowed up to LL AAA kid pitch level (which starts at 8-9 typically). Watch how the coaches do things during games and put in a request if this is allowed on your child’s league
- AAA Minors and Majors are draft based but there is no harm in telling a coach (before the draft) you like the way he coaches and your son would love to be on his team. Offering to volunteer in some way is helpful also- gamechanger, field prep etc. He may well try to draft him- a kid/parents who truly want to be on his team and are willing to pitch in is a big +.
-For club or travel ball, try to find teams with paid non parent coaching. However there usually are not enough of these to go around.
-For club or travel ball, be aware of your kid’s skill level and how it compares with the team. Often is fairly obvious at tryouts. Aim to be in the top half of the roster skill wise- if your son is, he will likely play quite a bit regardless of any dad favoritism. Now- he may not be the starting SS but he will play.
-For club and travel, figure out where the coach’s kids play. If it is important to your kid to play a particular position….obviously do not move to a team where 1 or more coach’s kids play that same position. Some will be more fair than others but that is a bad setup right from the start.
-For club and travel ball, keep an eye and ear out about other teams. It is easy to see which teams move kids around more, bat the roster as opposed to only 9-10, and which teams carry smaller vs larger rosters. Most teams also use GameChanger which can provide a wealth of information. Use that info when looking to move to a new team.
-For club and travel, it is often easier for an average/typical player to get a foot in the door earlier (at a younger age) vs later. Which can be hard if you don’t want to move to club at a younger age.. A lot of teams will give some favor/preference to the “core kids” of the team over newer kids, skill levels being similar. Can be hard to work one’s way in.
-For club and travel, if a new player who is a bit older- it is often easier and a better idea to focus on teams that are newly forming (as opposed to established teams just looking to add a kid or two)

Daddyball is real and really stinks- but as a parent there are ways to tip the odds towards your son having a better experience.