How do we politely tell DD to stay quiet about her summer?

[Anonymous]

Kids talk at school. They talk about what they did over break or over summer. So what. She is old enough to know what she is doing and can say she is going to camp or whatever if asked. Just don’t have her brag about this or that

DS is 9 and I know what all his friends are doing over spring break because they all talked about what they are doing and he told me.

Reality is kids will be doing different things. Some kids don’t care and some do. That’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't summer "daycare" for 10 year olds just camp? I'm confused what all the other kids are doing...
Teach your DD not to brag in general.
In this instance, maybe just coach her to say that she won't be local most of the summer...I'll be in X city with my cousins in June, etc.

OP calling it "put in daycare" for ES age summer camp tells me all I need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's necessary to ask her to lie or defect about this.

It's smart to tell her not to brag and not to bring it up constantly, but there is really nothing wrong or weird about a conversation that goes "What did you guys do this summer?"
and the responses go "Nothing" and "I go to my grandma's house and we go to the beach in July" and "I go to the aftercare all day in the summer" and "I'm doing a bunch of camps - art and acting and stuff."

There are always kinds who do different things. So what if your kid's are more expensive or posh. Someone's always are. And there is a clear line between interesting and obnoxious (like there is no need to say "I am going to taste pasta in five Italian cities after my $5K sleep away camp in the Berkshires!" when you can just say "My parents send me to a sleep away camp and we're going on vacation."

This is exactly what I was looking for, thank you.

FYI, I said daycare because last year she DID attend daycare. Yes, she was only in with kids her own age, but yes, it was at a daycare facility and no, they did not do field trips. At all. Her father will be deployed all summer, so I decided to pull out all the stops and give her opportunities that she wouldn't have locally, and I think we'll continue that going forward. She's at the age where she needs to be exposed to things outside a daycare's four walls.

Maybe other kids were coaching their kids to be “gentle” when talking about how their dads were around all last summer to ride bikes in the evenings, go to their swim meets, and tuck them in each and every night.

So I guess maybe other people have had to be tactful about your family’s sensitive spots too, eh? Are you gettting yet how obnoxious you are acting?

I think the other families will know OP is trying to make up for the fact that dad is not around by spending money on expensive camps. I'm sorry you're going through a rough spot OP, wishing you and your family the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re a loon OP

For not wanting DD to lose friends by talking about things she shouldn't? Mmmkay.

She’s not going to lose friends if she said she went to camp or on a trip or to a water park. All kids have different summers. Your kid probably won’t see most of her classmates this summer since they’re in “daycare” and yours isn’t. By the time school starts it won’t matter what your kid did all summer.

One thing that’s annoying is you’re not acknowledging that those kids will also have cool experiences of their own this summer. They’re not the same ones as your kids’ but they’ll be special anyway. They’ll have fun outings with their daycare/camp. They’ll have pizza and movie night with their family. They’ll have cousin sleepovers or neighborhood hangouts and bike rides and makeovers and any manner of small thing that makes childhood summer so fun that has nothing to do with how much money your parents threw at you. They’re not beleaguered little Dickensian orphans- you’re pitying them when you have no reason to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not something you need to try and control; it’s life. There will be people in your DD’s life who are able to do things she can’t. That’s not a reality you need to hide, it will be a fact of life forever, for everyone.

“Just going to daycare” - these kids might have plenty of fun there - school is out! As long as your kid isn’t incessantly bragging, which is a lesson in social skills. But that’s the only thing you really need to advise on.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re a loon OP

For not wanting DD to lose friends by talking about things she shouldn't? Mmmkay.

She’s not going to lose friends if she said she went to camp or on a trip or to a water park. All kids have different summers. Your kid probably won’t see most of her classmates this summer since they’re in “daycare” and yours isn’t. By the time school starts it won’t matter what your kid did all summer.

One thing that’s annoying is you’re not acknowledging that those kids will also have cool experiences of their own this summer. They’re not the same ones as your kids’ but they’ll be special anyway. They’ll have fun outings with their daycare/camp. They’ll have pizza and movie night with their family. They’ll have cousin sleepovers or neighborhood hangouts and bike rides and makeovers and any manner of small thing that makes childhood summer so fun that has nothing to do with how much money your parents threw at you. They’re not beleaguered little Dickensian orphans- you’re pitying them when you have no reason to.

I had absolutely blissful summers growing up. We weren’t wealthy and didn’t go to camp (my mom stayed at home) or go anywhere except the local pool and the playground and the library. Very small town, nothing to do but read and play with my sister and the other kids on the block. It was wonderful.

If I had a friend who bounced all over the place all summer I wouldn’t have been jealous; I would have been sorry to miss them all summer but excited to hear what they’d been up to again in the fall. Maybe a little sorry for them that they were missing out on all the mundane adventures we were having at home.

Now if my friend was cagey about their friends before or after the summer, I would have felt hurt like didn’t like me any more or had made summer friends and thought they were more better than the rest of us. Don’t intentionally drive a wedge between your DD and her friends, OP.

[Anonymous]

And when she’s ba j in Chicago she feels it?

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel sorry for kids in care center camps, I feel sorry for your daughter. I can’t imagine a summer without my dad around as a kid to go to the pool, grill, bike ride, go on hikes, celebrate Fourth of July, hug, say goodnight. I hope your daughter makes it through OK. Thinking of her and hope she has as good a summer as possible.

[Anonymous]

Translation: "We're very privileged and can afford to send our kid to camps and provide them with enriching experiences that most people where we are currently slumming it cannot afford. How do I protect the poor kids from comparing themselves to us and our comparative wealth"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol Iceland sucks as a family vacation

I think it sounds awesome. Some of you sound v jealous.

Ah I don't know why I'm following up on this. I think many Americans and as a result, their children, just haven't been exposed to the kind of very uncomfortable weather that's pretty typical for Iceland. Most people don't even have the clothes for it (wool over the typically fashionable synthetics we wear here). Lots of driving, local infrastructure has not kept pace with the mass of tourists so there can be lines, shortage of facilities, strange food, etc. I think it takes some maturity to really appreciate, or possibly a family that's a bit more rugged. Even Norway's probably a better spot for families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about her staying quiet about it. Focus on telling people about your summer without being boastful.

If other kids are put in daycare for the summer, I guarantee they don't give two sh*ts that your kid went to Paris.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel sorry for kids in care center camps, I feel sorry for your daughter. I can’t imagine a summer without my dad around as a kid to go to the pool, grill, bike ride, go on hikes, celebrate Fourth of July, hug, say goodnight. I hope your daughter makes it through OK. Thinking of her and hope she has as good a summer as possible.

Same: she’s an only child with an insecure mom and a deployed dad. That’s way harder than just going to daycare and playing all day with your friends.

[Anonymous]

Sad sad sad

[Anonymous]

Get a life, op

[Anonymous]

You can't. Kids are going to talk. You can't police them when you aren't there.