Not welcome on vacation

[Anonymous]

I hope my dd would be fine with a "fiance" of "many years" taking a trip with his mom, otherwise she would be toxic and self absorbed but I hope I raised her better.

I would hope if my ds is "engaged" for "many years" would not cut his MOTHER off because I don't include the young hanger on that makes me uncomfortable and isn't even married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have an engagement ring and a set date or not? Playing house doesn't mean you're engaged or a fiancé.

Yes I have an engagement ring and our wedding date is June 15th of this year.

I'm not sure why so many PPs have been so harsh. If this is a real engagement w/ an actual wedding date in the short-term, then I think many of the replies have misread the situation. All that said, I definitely wouldn't pick a fight and I would wait to get worked up until I was actually married at the very least.

The op is not engaged and no wedding date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude responses are always expected on this site but this tops the cake even for DCUM.

Don't listen to the bitter, nasty harpies replying to you, OP. They are just miserable in every way. What I got from your posts is that you just expect to be acknowledged in some way as a part of your financee's life. There is nothing wrong with that. Your future MIL is being rude. She might be passive aggressive about not wanting you to marry her son. Your feelings are valid especially since you tried to reach out several times to have a relationship with her. I would just sit back and watch how it all unfolds. If your finance goes without you, I guess you'll know where his priorities are.

Hey harpy. How’s it going?

Much better than you, thanks for asking. How does it feel to harass an anonymous 25-year-old needlessly? Makes you such a nice person, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope my dd would be fine with a "fiance" of "many years" taking a trip with his mom, otherwise she would be toxic and self absorbed but I hope I raised her better.

I would hope if my ds is "engaged" for "many years" would not cut his MOTHER off because I don't include the young hanger on that makes me uncomfortable and isn't even married

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I’m so shocked by these responses you are engaged and living together and your fiance is 30 not 16.

This is so odd to me to be excluded as a fiance.

I think doing things just the brothers and mom is totally fine but to exclude a fiance from a whole vacation is odd and shows that his mom isn’t ready to cut the cord probably in other areas as well.

Also all the other passive aggressive exclusions such as leaving your name off holiday card and never acknowledging your birthday is not typical welcoming behavior for a soon to he mil to act towards her fdil.

These all add up to cold behavior and I think it’s long overdue for your fiance to have a calm and polite chat with his mother about what’s really going on here.

Also someone upthread mentioned the cost. Well if the mom can’t afford both the fiancé and son then she can’t afford either. It’s rude to pay for one and not the other. So if she can’t afford both then I think it needs to be made clear that they are BOTH welcome but they both are expected to pay their own way.

I would find it odd for a 30 year old man to have his mother fund his vacation as if he is a child. His fiancé and him are a unit and you don’t pay for one without the other. Or you don’t pay for either. Tell them they are not expected to fully cover themselves.

But I will also add if your fiance still attends this trip without you then you have a fiancé problem and not a FMIL problem.

Please stop, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude responses are always expected on this site but this tops the cake even for DCUM.

Don't listen to the bitter, nasty harpies replying to you, OP. They are just miserable in every way. What I got from your posts is that you just expect to be acknowledged in some way as a part of your financee's life. There is nothing wrong with that. Your future MIL is being rude. She might be passive aggressive about not wanting you to marry her son. Your feelings are valid especially since you tried to reach out several times to have a relationship with her. I would just sit back and watch how it all unfolds. If your finance goes without you, I guess you'll know where his priorities are.

Hey harpy. How’s it going?

Much better than you, thanks for asking. How does it feel to harass an anonymous 25-year-old needlessly? Makes you such a nice person, doesn't it?

Np. Pot calling kettle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to back way off on the idea that a couple is a "social unit." A couple can do things separately, and that's ok! My best friend is having an 18 person wedding, and my husband is not invited--because he's not really her friend. I would never insist that she bump a relative so that he could join. And I am comfortable enough socially to go places without him.

OP, I mean this very kindly, but you are quite young and need to relax. Maybe you'll marry this guy, maybe you won't. Maybe his mother will come around to liking you, maybe she won't. But huffing and puffing and blowing the whole house down over a couple of perceived snubs is not the way to go.

With all due respect that is also nuts.

The mom could of course tell the son that she's hoping it'll be a trip for just them - she wants some alone time with him and his brother or some such. But to pretend that it's not strange to expect a 30 year old to travel without his fiance - it's weird!

What is nuts?

For your husband to be excluded from a friend's wedding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have an engagement ring and a set date or not? Playing house doesn't mean you're engaged or a fiancé.

Yes I have an engagement ring and our wedding date is June 15th of this year.

I'm not sure why so many PPs have been so harsh. If this is a real engagement w/ an actual wedding date in the short-term, then I think many of the replies have misread the situation. All that said, I definitely wouldn't pick a fight and I would wait to get worked up until I was actually married at the very least.

The op is not engaged and no wedding date.

Well she posted her wedding date. Want her to send you her registry too? But only if you buy the most expensive thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I’m so shocked by these responses you are engaged and living together and your fiance is 30 not 16.

This is so odd to me to be excluded as a fiance.

I think doing things just the brothers and mom is totally fine but to exclude a fiance from a whole vacation is odd and shows that his mom isn’t ready to cut the cord probably in other areas as well.

Also all the other passive aggressive exclusions such as leaving your name off holiday card and never acknowledging your birthday is not typical welcoming behavior for a soon to he mil to act towards her fdil.

These all add up to cold behavior and I think it’s long overdue for your fiance to have a calm and polite chat with his mother about what’s really going on here.

Also someone upthread mentioned the cost. Well if the mom can’t afford both the fiancé and son then she can’t afford either. It’s rude to pay for one and not the other. So if she can’t afford both then I think it needs to be made clear that they are BOTH welcome but they both are expected to pay their own way.

I would find it odd for a 30 year old man to have his mother fund his vacation as if he is a child. His fiancé and him are a unit and you don’t pay for one without the other. Or you don’t pay for either. Tell them they are not expected to fully cover themselves.

But I will also add if your fiance still attends this trip without you then you have a fiancé problem and not a FMIL problem.

OP we know this response is you. Stop trying to pretend you're a NP. You did the same thing a few pages up. Your writing style is very specific and it's easy to spot your posts. You're also the only person who is defending the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still no answer from op on wedding date. She knows she isn’t engaged.

I'm not even sure her boyfriend and his mom know they are supposedly engaged...

+1. That girl is not engaged to her son and he doesn’t ever want to be.

Well that’s on him then he should break up with her. He is equally as shitty for stringing her along if that’s the case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude responses are always expected on this site but this tops the cake even for DCUM.

Don't listen to the bitter, nasty harpies replying to you, OP. They are just miserable in every way. What I got from your posts is that you just expect to be acknowledged in some way as a part of your financee's life. There is nothing wrong with that. Your future MIL is being rude. She might be passive aggressive about not wanting you to marry her son. Your feelings are valid especially since you tried to reach out several times to have a relationship with her. I would just sit back and watch how it all unfolds. If your finance goes without you, I guess you'll know where his priorities are.

Hey harpy. How’s it going?

Much better than you, thanks for asking. How does it feel to harass an anonymous 25-year-old needlessly? Makes you such a nice person, doesn't it?

Aww, are you going to contact your “fiancée” and demand I apologize, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to back way off on the idea that a couple is a "social unit." A couple can do things separately, and that's ok! My best friend is having an 18 person wedding, and my husband is not invited--because he's not really her friend. I would never insist that she bump a relative so that he could join. And I am comfortable enough socially to go places without him.

OP, I mean this very kindly, but you are quite young and need to relax. Maybe you'll marry this guy, maybe you won't. Maybe his mother will come around to liking you, maybe she won't. But huffing and puffing and blowing the whole house down over a couple of perceived snubs is not the way to go.

With all due respect that is also nuts.

The mom could of course tell the son that she's hoping it'll be a trip for just them - she wants some alone time with him and his brother or some such. But to pretend that it's not strange to expect a 30 year old to travel without his fiance - it's weird!

It must be about money. She will pay for her son but not the girlfriend.

I am PP - and I feel like it's pretty reasonable if the MIL says she'll treat the son, but not the girlfriend. (Unless she's super wealthy.) But at least have a conversation about it. Don't just be weird and say nothing.

I would assume she knows money is a huge issue and they all know the deal. The mom invited her son, presumably she will pay. She doesn't want to pay for the fiance and she knows they can't afford it. But that doesn't mean she doesn't want him to miss out on visiting his brother with her. People in this situation are probably well aware of what's what.

I think at the engaged stage it’s rude to pay for your son and not his fiancé. Her son is 30 why would his mother be funding his vacation anyways?

She invited him to visit with her. I'm going to say it's obvious OP and her fiancé can't afford to do this alone. OP can answer for herself if she's able to swing a visit to "Cali" when she's supposedly getting married in a few months. Is OP willing to pay for her own airfare and lodging if the future MIL covers her son and take the time off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude responses are always expected on this site but this tops the cake even for DCUM.

Don't listen to the bitter, nasty harpies replying to you, OP. They are just miserable in every way. What I got from your posts is that you just expect to be acknowledged in some way as a part of your financee's life. There is nothing wrong with that. Your future MIL is being rude. She might be passive aggressive about not wanting you to marry her son. Your feelings are valid especially since you tried to reach out several times to have a relationship with her. I would just sit back and watch how it all unfolds. If your finance goes without you, I guess you'll know where his priorities are.

Hey harpy. How’s it going?

Much better than you, thanks for asking. How does it feel to harass an anonymous 25-year-old needlessly? Makes you such a nice person, doesn't it?

Np. Pot calling kettle.

Except I'm not harassing her. You are. Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like his mother likes to use money as a way of control. I think if you and your partner focus on increasing your earnings, she won't be able to do that as much. So what's the plan there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude responses are always expected on this site but this tops the cake even for DCUM.

Don't listen to the bitter, nasty harpies replying to you, OP. They are just miserable in every way. What I got from your posts is that you just expect to be acknowledged in some way as a part of your financee's life. There is nothing wrong with that. Your future MIL is being rude. She might be passive aggressive about not wanting you to marry her son. Your feelings are valid especially since you tried to reach out several times to have a relationship with her. I would just sit back and watch how it all unfolds. If your finance goes without you, I guess you'll know where his priorities are.

Hey harpy. How’s it going?

Much better than you, thanks for asking. How does it feel to harass an anonymous 25-year-old needlessly? Makes you such a nice person, doesn't it?

Aww, are you going to contact your “fiancée” and demand I apologize, op?

Not OP but nice try. Just not so miserable that I need to harras random 25 year olds to get my rocks off. You do you boo.