I hate “guy trips”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could offer to plan/review the activities so that the re-entry goes smoother? More hikes and museums and fewer casino nights (for example). I’m sure the other wives aren’t thrilled either and would be happy to help. Yes, more work on the front end, but a better overall result.

This is the stupidest post on DCUM, if not the entire internet, this year. Congratulations, I guess.

"Hey, guys, my wife has prepared an agenda for our next trip! We're going to the art museum and for hikes, and then for a group colonic. No, sorry, no time for golf, a steak dinner, and drinks afterwards."

The impulse of some women to micromanage everything is really strong. They’re the ones who typically end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Marriage sounds absolutely miserable. And I’m a woman.

You only hear about the bad stuff on this forum. I'm very happily married.

DH here you and me both....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

If you're 100% the default parent, then are you doing anything extra on these mornings? If you are I think you should talk to him about that, but if your day looks no different I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about what he's doing/how stressed he is, because it's not actually affecting you materially.

My wife sleeping to 7:30 while I feed the cat, make lunches, and do school drop off is every morning of my life and it has never occurred to me to be angry at her for sleeping rather than getting up and going to work; I do the same amount of work regardless. I'm fine with the arrangement of responsibilities, which is what matters, not what she's doing with time that I'm doing kid stuff.

Do you know what “default parent” means?

DP it’s a phrase invented by disgruntled women who overestimate their role in their children’s life and are dismissive of the role their partners play, usually a circumstance that is self-inflicted by excessive hectoring, criticism, and micromanagement.

Tell me you’re a lazy parent without telling me you’re a lazy parent.

More original thinking from the “default parent” cliche user. Prattling on about laziness, ironically enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

I cant stand the guy trips i go 24/7 between the kids and working im burnt out. He comes home and says he is planning a trip to vegas with 3 friends who are not married mind you. Like grow up seriously. I try and tell him i wanna save money and he throws a tantrum. Sorry end of my rant lol.

Really bad. Every guy I know that has done that is cheating on those trips and the single guys egg them on and tell them marriage sucks.

+100

Single friends always say the married guys act the worst--do the worst things on these trips. I have heard about cheating, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of you guys are missing that he’s also getting behind at work from these trips. My husband works a ton and works most weekends. Even 4 days visiting family he has to work or he’s stressed out and annoying for a week or more after. If he was gone drinking for 4 days and came back complaining about all the work he was behind on I would find that very annoying. I 100 percent believe that he’s unhelpful and difficult to be around for quite a few days after.

I think he’s entitled to see his friends but he’s not entitled to minimize how it affects you. I don’t have concrete suggestions about what to do (although I personally would just rather have my house in a hotel for an extra day rather than listening to any complaining - I actually encourage my husband to do similar things when he’s traveling for work) but I understand, OP. I feel these situations really emphasize to me how tightly stretched we are all the time and I wish my husband would agree and be open to making changes. But when you handle all the fall out (which I would rather do than make my kids handle it because when my husband is stressed he yells more than I’m ok with) and they refuse to change it’s very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

It would be so much better if he and his friends went for a spa day and got pedicures?

Seriously, you do come across as a bit controlling and resentful, but on the other hand a week's recuperation from a weekend trip is too much. He should get one extra day back home to rest - just pretend he's still on the trip - and then it's time to buck up. Find other things you need to do so he has to pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

Husband goes away for one weekend year and his wife is all bent out of shape. Attention! Any men dumb enough to consider getting married, this is how backward women's thinking process is!

When I was married my wife would complain endlessly that I went on two on my son's Cub Scout camping trips each year. She seemed to think one night away, sleeping on the ground in a campsite with 30 noisy kids, was somehow a vacation for me.

When I went camping with my daughter’s Girl Scout troop, sleeping at a campsite and spending time with her definitely felt like a vacation!

It’s obvious you hate your wife, do you hate your kids too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of you guys are missing that he’s also getting behind at work from these trips. My husband works a ton and works most weekends. Even 4 days visiting family he has to work or he’s stressed out and annoying for a week or more after. If he was gone drinking for 4 days and came back complaining about all the work he was behind on I would find that very annoying. I 100 percent believe that he’s unhelpful and difficult to be around for quite a few days after.

I think he’s entitled to see his friends but he’s not entitled to minimize how it affects you. I don’t have concrete suggestions about what to do (although I personally would just rather have my house in a hotel for an extra day rather than listening to any complaining - I actually encourage my husband to do similar things when he’s traveling for work) but I understand, OP. I feel these situations really emphasize to me how tightly stretched we are all the time and I wish my husband would agree and be open to making changes. But when you handle all the fall out (which I would rather do than make my kids handle it because when my husband is stressed he yells more than I’m ok with) and they refuse to change it’s very hard.

OP - I feel heard and seen with this post. This is exactly the problem with my DH. He too works 60-80 hours a week, including the weekends. When he takes time away its always a HUGE problem. He took a few calls while we was gone on his trip but obviously did not work his normal hours while gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

Husband goes away for one weekend year and his wife is all bent out of shape. Attention! Any men dumb enough to consider getting married, this is how backward women's thinking process is!

When I was married my wife would complain endlessly that I went on two on my son's Cub Scout camping trips each year. She seemed to think one night away, sleeping on the ground in a campsite with 30 noisy kids, was somehow a vacation for me.

Unfortunately young single guys don’t come here for advice

[Anonymous]

OP the time to address this is when he says he's booking the next trip. "The last few times you have had a really hard time readjusting to the real world after this trip - do you want to take a day to rest up at the airport hotel after you get back, or drink less on the last day so you can be back in action when you get home? Because I can support you having fun with the guys when you're gone, but when you're here I need you here 100%."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of you guys are missing that he’s also getting behind at work from these trips. My husband works a ton and works most weekends. Even 4 days visiting family he has to work or he’s stressed out and annoying for a week or more after. If he was gone drinking for 4 days and came back complaining about all the work he was behind on I would find that very annoying. I 100 percent believe that he’s unhelpful and difficult to be around for quite a few days after.

I think he’s entitled to see his friends but he’s not entitled to minimize how it affects you. I don’t have concrete suggestions about what to do (although I personally would just rather have my house in a hotel for an extra day rather than listening to any complaining - I actually encourage my husband to do similar things when he’s traveling for work) but I understand, OP. I feel these situations really emphasize to me how tightly stretched we are all the time and I wish my husband would agree and be open to making changes. But when you handle all the fall out (which I would rather do than make my kids handle it because when my husband is stressed he yells more than I’m ok with) and they refuse to change it’s very hard.

OP - I feel heard and seen with this post. This is exactly the problem with my DH. He too works 60-80 hours a week, including the weekends. When he takes time away its always a HUGE problem. He took a few calls while we was gone on his trip but obviously did not work his normal hours while gone.

Does he pretend to be your boss too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

I cant stand the guy trips i go 24/7 between the kids and working im burnt out. He comes home and says he is planning a trip to vegas with 3 friends who are not married mind you. Like grow up seriously. I try and tell him i wanna save money and he throws a tantrum. Sorry end of my rant lol.

Really bad. Every guy I know that has done that is cheating on those trips and the single guys egg them on and tell them marriage sucks.

+100

Single friends always say the married guys act the worst--do the worst things on these trips. I have heard about cheating, etc.

This makes me very nervous reading that!!! I would like to think my husband is not cheating.

[Anonymous]

My husband goes on one guys trip and year and I go on one girl's trip a year - it's saves the anger you're talking about because I know I get my turn too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of you guys are missing that he’s also getting behind at work from these trips. My husband works a ton and works most weekends. Even 4 days visiting family he has to work or he’s stressed out and annoying for a week or more after. If he was gone drinking for 4 days and came back complaining about all the work he was behind on I would find that very annoying. I 100 percent believe that he’s unhelpful and difficult to be around for quite a few days after.

I think he’s entitled to see his friends but he’s not entitled to minimize how it affects you. I don’t have concrete suggestions about what to do (although I personally would just rather have my house in a hotel for an extra day rather than listening to any complaining - I actually encourage my husband to do similar things when he’s traveling for work) but I understand, OP. I feel these situations really emphasize to me how tightly stretched we are all the time and I wish my husband would agree and be open to making changes. But when you handle all the fall out (which I would rather do than make my kids handle it because when my husband is stressed he yells more than I’m ok with) and they refuse to change it’s very hard.

OP - I feel heard and seen with this post. This is exactly the problem with my DH. He too works 60-80 hours a week, including the weekends. When he takes time away its always a HUGE problem. He took a few calls while we was gone on his trip but obviously did not work his normal hours while gone.

Do you have a job, OP? Or are you just a homemaker/kept woman? If the latter, you don't get to have this attitude. He works hard to provide for you and the children and deserves to blow off some steam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of you guys are missing that he’s also getting behind at work from these trips. My husband works a ton and works most weekends. Even 4 days visiting family he has to work or he’s stressed out and annoying for a week or more after. If he was gone drinking for 4 days and came back complaining about all the work he was behind on I would find that very annoying. I 100 percent believe that he’s unhelpful and difficult to be around for quite a few days after.

I think he’s entitled to see his friends but he’s not entitled to minimize how it affects you. I don’t have concrete suggestions about what to do (although I personally would just rather have my house in a hotel for an extra day rather than listening to any complaining - I actually encourage my husband to do similar things when he’s traveling for work) but I understand, OP. I feel these situations really emphasize to me how tightly stretched we are all the time and I wish my husband would agree and be open to making changes. But when you handle all the fall out (which I would rather do than make my kids handle it because when my husband is stressed he yells more than I’m ok with) and they refuse to change it’s very hard.

OP - I feel heard and seen with this post. This is exactly the problem with my DH. He too works 60-80 hours a week, including the weekends. When he takes time away its always a HUGE problem. He took a few calls while we was gone on his trip but obviously did not work his normal hours while gone.

Do you have a job, OP? Or are you just a homemaker/kept woman? If the latter, you don't get to have this attitude. He works hard to provide for you and the children and deserves to blow off some steam.

OP - as I have said in a previous post I work full time. My job provides our families health insurance and a healthy pension. I make less than DH but my income is a big contribution to our family.