Intellectually Pretentious DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be worried that she’s a PITA.

Op here. She's cute. But even I find it obnoxious sometimes. How can she learn to turn this off?

She’s cute to you, not so much to people unrelated to her. How did it begin? And they don’t list grades on the board, it’s not law school. How would she know she got the second highest grade. Also, why would she even have a copy of Macbeth? I think she’s trying to impress you and probably starting to lie to impress you. Think about how you might have encouraged it.

Why are you immediately assuming OP or her daughter are liars? When I was in elementary school, one of my teachers announced who got the top three highest scores after every test.

Op here, I'm concerned that she is overly focused on this. In her case, she actually asks the teacher how she ranked, and the teacher often tells her. I don't want to get too involved, she has to make her own mistakes in life just like I did.

I was looking for advice on redirecting her and helping her be more likable to others. Thank you to the posters who gave me good advice and food for thought.

I’m a little worried you are more concerned about making her “likable” than making sure she is academically challenged. There’s something very off about it. You didn’t have to come to DCUM to know that you can tell her “yes you did the best on the test but don’t brag. good job!”

I was this little girl. In retrospect I think that I worried about rankings because I was really insecure and because by the time I was five or six I knew my parents love was conditional. (My dad was a narcissist and viewed us as extensions of himself. He was nicer to us when HE could brag about us!) I could have benefited from some healthy role modeling by well rounded people who were like “I am not good at swimming but I really enjoy it! You can enjoy something even if you are not the best at it.” I could have also benefited from being praised for things other than academics (like being a good friend). Also if your kid perceives that there isn’t enough success or praise to go around, she is getting that from you. Make sure you don’t compare your kids or set them up in competition against each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

I mean, the teacher will tell you. One teacher told us they were getting in new material because they had never had a child as advanced as ours in reading. It actually doesn’t change how you handle it. Bragging is no good and there’s lots to life besides being smart. If I could wave a magic wand to trade 10 IQ points to make my kids life easier in other ways I’d do it.

Such a cross to bear! Gandhi ain’t got nothing on you

DP. Well you will hate me! I am perfectly happy to brag about my DS’s highly gifted scores because he is 2E and struggling in other areas. You sound extremely insecure.

I’m the PP who said I would trade the IQ points. My child is also 2e and has some chronic medical problems and spent most of their life in multiple kinds of therapy. They will probably be in therapy for the rest of their life. They have a reasonably decent social life after a lot of social skills classes and work from us.

I still teach them not to brag/compare and to be respectful of others. I share their accomplishments with the grandparents, who enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has to learn that there are different and equally important ways of being intelligent. And you can start pointing out and praising those other ways to her. Emotional intelligence is one of them. And she has to understand that some kids are more academic while other kids have different ways of excelling. Praise her for other ways of being excellent, and especially praise her for effort, not just because she’s lucky and schoolwork comes easy to her.

You make a good point about praising for effort, not success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

Big deal

DP. It actually is a big deal. A lot of you parent to have bragging rights over the wholly insignificant “accomplishments” of a 10 year old, instead of having any perspective about what matters on a more permanent basis. Good on that woman’s DH and MIL. He probably learned resilience and perseverance more than any snotty, impossible to be around braggart and the parents who have tolerated it because it’s “cute.” IJS.

some people are VERY defensive here.

the fact is that intelligence is on a spectrum. one type of intelligence is fast processing speed and high working memory. kids who finish their school work first and are able to read complex texts are likely high in these aspects of IQ compared to their classmates. The girl is only 7 and she notices this. Just like we would not castigate a child who noticed they were slower, it’s nasty to castigate a 7 year old for noticing she is indeed faster.

in addition kids vary in motivation. some have high IQs but don’t care about doing what the teacher wants (my kid!). Others are perceptive about what the assignment is and want to do it correctly. again this is a relative strength that the girl is noticing.

there’s something odd about a parent seeing this as “intellectually pretentious” as opposed to a young child noticing their differences. Yes some of the statements come off as rude and should be corrected. but overall the child should be supported and encouraged through appropriate challenges.

No one is “castigating” the kid who isn’t reading here, and who is apparently obnoxious as all hell. This was a response to someone -actually- being nasty to a poster sharing that her husband was identified incorrectly as intellectually disabled, pointing out the kind of classroom dynamic OP may not be aware of because she’s taken the comments as “cute.” It is what it is.

yeah a lot of people here are really worked up by a little girl who knows she is smarter/more advanced than her classmates. clearly a trigger that goes beyond the rude comments that do need to be corrected.

You keep swinging, and keep missing, in your three in a row responses insisting that this obnoxious kid is fine. Work on your obvious social issues, they’ll never improve otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous"I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Some things come faster to some people, while others come slower. Like you're still learning to be polite. Don't worry, you'll get there!

I remember that most people who finished first were too careless/didn't actually know the material and got bad grades.

wishful thinking. I used to finish first and score 100% in elementary school. until I was actually challenged in math in high school, I literally did not have to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be worried that she’s a PITA.

Op here. She's cute. But even I find it obnoxious sometimes. How can she learn to turn this off?

She’s cute to you, not so much to people unrelated to her. How did it begin? And they don’t list grades on the board, it’s not law school. How would she know she got the second highest grade. Also, why would she even have a copy of Macbeth? I think she’s trying to impress you and probably starting to lie to impress you. Think about how you might have encouraged it.

Why are you immediately assuming OP or her daughter are liars? When I was in elementary school, one of my teachers announced who got the top three highest scores after every test.

Op here, I'm concerned that she is overly focused on this. In her case, she actually asks the teacher how she ranked, and the teacher often tells her. I don't want to get too involved, she has to make her own mistakes in life just like I did.

I was looking for advice on redirecting her and helping her be more likable to others. Thank you to the posters who gave me good advice and food for thought.

I’m a little worried you are more concerned about making her “likable” than making sure she is academically challenged. There’s something very off about it. You didn’t have to come to DCUM to know that you can tell her “yes you did the best on the test but don’t brag. good job!”

I was this little girl. In retrospect I think that I worried about rankings because I was really insecure and because by the time I was five or six I knew my parents love was conditional. (My dad was a narcissist and viewed us as extensions of himself. He was nicer to us when HE could brag about us!) I could have benefited from some healthy role modeling by well rounded people who were like “I am not good at swimming but I really enjoy it! You can enjoy something even if you are not the best at it.” I could have also benefited from being praised for things other than academics (like being a good friend). Also if your kid perceives that there isn’t enough success or praise to go around, she is getting that from you. Make sure you don’t compare your kids or set them up in competition against each other.

Yes that’s all fine, but not at the expense of cultivating her talents. She may do better in a GT program where she is more average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has to learn that there are different and equally important ways of being intelligent. And you can start pointing out and praising those other ways to her. Emotional intelligence is one of them. And she has to understand that some kids are more academic while other kids have different ways of excelling. Praise her for other ways of being excellent, and especially praise her for effort, not just because she’s lucky and schoolwork comes easy to her.

You make a good point about praising for effort, not success.

How would you as an adult feel if your spouse or best friend refused to celebrate your accomplishments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

Big deal

DP. It actually is a big deal. A lot of you parent to have bragging rights over the wholly insignificant “accomplishments” of a 10 year old, instead of having any perspective about what matters on a more permanent basis. Good on that woman’s DH and MIL. He probably learned resilience and perseverance more than any snotty, impossible to be around braggart and the parents who have tolerated it because it’s “cute.” IJS.

some people are VERY defensive here.

the fact is that intelligence is on a spectrum. one type of intelligence is fast processing speed and high working memory. kids who finish their school work first and are able to read complex texts are likely high in these aspects of IQ compared to their classmates. The girl is only 7 and she notices this. Just like we would not castigate a child who noticed they were slower, it’s nasty to castigate a 7 year old for noticing she is indeed faster.

in addition kids vary in motivation. some have high IQs but don’t care about doing what the teacher wants (my kid!). Others are perceptive about what the assignment is and want to do it correctly. again this is a relative strength that the girl is noticing.

there’s something odd about a parent seeing this as “intellectually pretentious” as opposed to a young child noticing their differences. Yes some of the statements come off as rude and should be corrected. but overall the child should be supported and encouraged through appropriate challenges.

No one is “castigating” the kid who isn’t reading here, and who is apparently obnoxious as all hell. This was a response to someone -actually- being nasty to a poster sharing that her husband was identified incorrectly as intellectually disabled, pointing out the kind of classroom dynamic OP may not be aware of because she’s taken the comments as “cute.” It is what it is.

yeah a lot of people here are really worked up by a little girl who knows she is smarter/more advanced than her classmates. clearly a trigger that goes beyond the rude comments that do need to be corrected.

You keep swinging, and keep missing, in your three in a row responses insisting that this obnoxious kid is fine. Work on your obvious social issues, they’ll never improve otherwise.

I think the real social problem is being triggered by a smart 7 year old girl who naively is proud of herself for being smart!

[Anonymous]

I wonder if all these people would have the same response if the kid was good at sports. Would you tell a kid who was proud to score 2 goals and carry the team to a win that other kids have different type of athleticism and he/she needs to cool it? I doubt it. Kids internalize that it's uncool to be smart/work hard/success academically and by the time middle school rolls around it becomes completely uncool and dorky to be a high achieving student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

Since preschool my son's teacher's have always told us he is the brightest student in their class. He is in 4th now. He is extremely smart. IQ 99%. When your kid is bright, it is obvious to the teacher and parents. He is also socially awkward and not a great friend, and his intelligence is sometimes a barrier. But yes, there are parents who know their kid is the brightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

Since preschool my son's teacher's have always told us he is the brightest student in their class. He is in 4th now. He is extremely smart. IQ 99%. When your kid is bright, it is obvious to the teacher and parents. He is also socially awkward and not a great friend, and his intelligence is sometimes a barrier. But yes, there are parents who know their kid is the brightest.

I wonder this too. I have had multiple people (at other schools, I think this is why they feel comfortable telling me this) tell me that their kid is the "brightest kid in the class." I can't imagine a teacher ever actually saying this, and also, two of these kids are in the same class. I have to imagine this is a parent taking a one-off comment or standardized test scores and extrapolating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

I mean, the teacher will tell you. One teacher told us they were getting in new material because they had never had a child as advanced as ours in reading. It actually doesn’t change how you handle it. Bragging is no good and there’s lots to life besides being smart. If I could wave a magic wand to trade 10 IQ points to make my kids life easier in other ways I’d do it.

+100 I agree so much. I wish one of my kids was less brignt and more chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

Big deal

DP. It actually is a big deal. A lot of you parent to have bragging rights over the wholly insignificant “accomplishments” of a 10 year old, instead of having any perspective about what matters on a more permanent basis. Good on that woman’s DH and MIL. He probably learned resilience and perseverance more than any snotty, impossible to be around braggart and the parents who have tolerated it because it’s “cute.” IJS.

some people are VERY defensive here.

the fact is that intelligence is on a spectrum. one type of intelligence is fast processing speed and high working memory. kids who finish their school work first and are able to read complex texts are likely high in these aspects of IQ compared to their classmates. The girl is only 7 and she notices this. Just like we would not castigate a child who noticed they were slower, it’s nasty to castigate a 7 year old for noticing she is indeed faster.

in addition kids vary in motivation. some have high IQs but don’t care about doing what the teacher wants (my kid!). Others are perceptive about what the assignment is and want to do it correctly. again this is a relative strength that the girl is noticing.

there’s something odd about a parent seeing this as “intellectually pretentious” as opposed to a young child noticing their differences. Yes some of the statements come off as rude and should be corrected. but overall the child should be supported and encouraged through appropriate challenges.

No one is “castigating” the kid who isn’t reading here, and who is apparently obnoxious as all hell. This was a response to someone -actually- being nasty to a poster sharing that her husband was identified incorrectly as intellectually disabled, pointing out the kind of classroom dynamic OP may not be aware of because she’s taken the comments as “cute.” It is what it is.

yeah a lot of people here are really worked up by a little girl who knows she is smarter/more advanced than her classmates. clearly a trigger that goes beyond the rude comments that do need to be corrected.

You keep swinging, and keep missing, in your three in a row responses insisting that this obnoxious kid is fine. Work on your obvious social issues, they’ll never improve otherwise.

I think the real social problem is being triggered by a smart 7 year old girl who naively is proud of herself for being smart!

No one is “triggered,” and that MAGAt language is a choice. What part of commenting on other kids suggests “pride” in “being smart”? Do you even want to attempt to make sense?

It really is not a rule for truly smart kids to act like this. Mine have great social skills along with great academic skills. They are not unusual in having both traits; this is pretty standard in their school and grades. The braggart is IME the outlier and suggests a badly wired personality, encouraged by parents, or assessment of and where parents can’t fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

Since preschool my son's teacher's have always told us he is the brightest student in their class. He is in 4th now. He is extremely smart. IQ 99%. When your kid is bright, it is obvious to the teacher and parents. He is also socially awkward and not a great friend, and his intelligence is sometimes a barrier. But yes, there are parents who know their kid is the brightest.

I wonder this too. I have had multiple people (at other schools, I think this is why they feel comfortable telling me this) tell me that their kid is the "brightest kid in the class." I can't imagine a teacher ever actually saying this, and also, two of these kids are in the same class. I have to imagine this is a parent taking a one-off comment or standardized test scores and extrapolating.

LOL I guess they could be telling multiple parents that! In my case, my son struggled with social and behavior issues and we had lots of meetings with teachers and every year even with different teachers and cohorts the teacher would tell us that our son was the brightest and was academically at the top of the class. And we saw it in the work he did and the test scores. I mean there are a lot of classes and a lot of schools so lots of opportunities for a kid to be the brightest and for that to be accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all these people would have the same response if the kid was good at sports. Would you tell a kid who was proud to score 2 goals and carry the team to a win that other kids have different type of athleticism and he/she needs to cool it? I doubt it. Kids internalize that it's uncool to be smart/work hard/success academically and by the time middle school rolls around it becomes completely uncool and dorky to be a high achieving student.

You’re projecting and hilariously wrong with your deeply silly conclusions. Do you have kids, or are you living in an 80s movie where the nerds struggle in middle and HS? How sad for you.