Do you think I’m an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out, and this point is relevant in this thread and in others where folks discuss dry January or other related conversations about rate of alcohol use:

Most people who drink 'one' drink per day at home are not, in fact, consuming only one unit of alcohol. Perhaps yes if they drink a bottled beer or bottled hard cider. But most people who drink wine and spirits in mixed drinks or even neat do not measure their units of alcohol to match the units being considered by health professionals when giving guidance on usage.

I've spend a lot of years around drinkers. Very, very rarely ever seen a wine drinker's single glass of wine being an actual single unit of wine, much more likely one glass a day wine drinkers are actually drinking two units of wine every day.

Oh yes, you're just oh so relevant. Go you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

[Anonymous]

All the current research links drinking with cancer. Simply put: it’s toxic.

I doubt the op’s husband would worry about her unless she was truly drinking a decent amount each day and he was noticing something she didn’t/couldn’t. Her “one drink” might be a heavy pour or actually more than one drink most nights.

If you *need* a drink to socialize, that’s a red flag.

But getting back to the cancer link—and breast cancer specifically: why any woman still drinks regularly…or at all…baffles me. Will you regret it if you’re diagnosed with BC? I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the current research links drinking with cancer. Simply put: it’s toxic.

I doubt the op’s husband would worry about her unless she was truly drinking a decent amount each day and he was noticing something she didn’t/couldn’t. Her “one drink” might be a heavy pour or actually more than one drink most nights.

If you *need* a drink to socialize, that’s a red flag.

But getting back to the cancer link—and breast cancer specifically: why any woman still drinks regularly…or at all…baffles me. Will you regret it if you’re diagnosed with BC? I would.

A drink a day increases the risk of BC by 7%. Yes, that’s not great, but it doesn’t mean that someone who drinks is getting BC.

This thread is insane with the shaming and lack of understanding around what is and is not an alcoholic. Someone who has one drink a day is not an alcoholic by any definition of the word!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

I’m going to need some citations for these claims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

I’m going to need some citations for these claims.

Go ask your husband, op.

He’s either legit concerned about your daily habit or maybe he’s just annoyed by your weekly bill at the beer and wine store?

How old are your kids? Maybe he’s starting to worry about what your kids are observing when mommy has her special juice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Balderdash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

I’m going to need some citations for these claims.

Go ask your husband, op.

He’s either legit concerned about your daily habit or maybe he’s just annoyed by your weekly bill at the beer and wine store?

How old are your kids? Maybe he’s starting to worry about what your kids are observing when mommy has her special juice?

Ha, I’m not OP. Why on earth would you assume that? And I take it that you cannot back up your statements. You’re just another Carrie Nation pearl-clutcher. Dismissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting your husband police your relationship with alcohol? Tell him to STFU.

Lemme guess....you're in a satisfying, happy, loving marriage? Just kidding, people who are never speaking to or about their spouse this way. My spouse has a profound impact on my life and me on his. That's actually how healthy longterm marriages (and relationships in general) work. Sad you don't experience that.

OP - dry is dry. Just prove it to yourself and him that everything is fine.

Why does she have to prove to him that she can break a completely innocent habit? Why do you have to prove yourself to your husband? That doesn't sound healthy to me.

The husband is concerned. Op alone can ease his worry by abstaining. Op has to decide if her apparent habituation to alcohol is more valuable than her dhs peace of mind. If they have children, their well being must be considered, too.

So after she’s sober for 30 days do you think he will be fine with her resuming her daily drink? I doubt it; he will just move the goalposts. This is why you don’t indulge unreasonable requests—they lead to increasingly unreasonable requests.

None of us know the man or his motives, only what op said. We can assume op is reliable reporting what was said. She doesn't come off defensive, imo, but she does seem to be considering what he said. Women will find all kinds of support on here to do/ continue to do things which may be destructive to their relationships. Ops dh is concerned about her drinking habit and wants her to dry out. Why is that a problem for a non alcohol dependent person? It's not as if he demanded she stop consuming carbs, fat and sugar. That woukd be controlling. But a daily alcohol fix?? It's reasonable for her to give it a rest in order to put his mind at ease. He is her dh, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Cake doesn't lower inhibitions and impair judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Cake doesn't lower inhibitions and impair judgement.

Neither does a glass of wine, unless you are a seventh grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

I’m going to need some citations for these claims.

Go ask your husband, op.

He’s either legit concerned about your daily habit or maybe he’s just annoyed by your weekly bill at the beer and wine store?

How old are your kids? Maybe he’s starting to worry about what your kids are observing when mommy has her special juice?

Ha, I’m not OP. Why on earth would you assume that? And I take it that you cannot back up your statements. You’re just another Carrie Nation pearl-clutcher. Dismissed.

I’ve just seen several women struggle with alcoholism and related health ailments despite being highly functional alcoholics. Their partners saw the real deal while the women were rather adept at denial.

Very few people only have one drink a night. It’s almost always a heavy pour followed by more drinks.

Like I said, her husband might be seeing something that truly worries him.

Or he just might be annoyed at how much money they piss away each week on wine.

Or maybe they have kids and one of the kids noticed something or asked about it.

If mommy can’t pick up the kids from ballet because she’s had a couple drinks or if she can’t take care of a sick kid in the middle of the night because she’s buzzed or passed out, then a partner has every right to be concerned.

If the husband is reading the latest data on cancer (behind BC) and the latest regarding the impact of giving up drinking altogether, then it makes sense he would ask her to quit.

PS - Defending the drinker rather than the concerned spouse speaks volumes.