19 Yo son (college freshman home) never came home last night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 19 year old is not a freshman. They are sophomores. Delayed sophomores is the correct term. The kids call them DS's.

What? They absolutely can be. Our DS was one because he has an early October birthday. And now he’s a 20 year old sophomore! The horror! You get DS will be the same because of an early fall birthday that fell past the cutoff.

[Anonymous]

The problem is not texting; maybe he didn't know where he would end up this morning, but he could have texted and let you know at 2am he wasn't going to be home and was staying at a friend's house. This is the problem. Why won't he let you know he won't be home?

[Anonymous]

Pp above here…sorry I mean freshman, not sophomore….
It’s normal and not delayed for FRESHMEN with October November and December birthdays to be 19

[Anonymous]

OP I’m with you, it’s just courtesy to send a quick text. We told our college aged DS the same thing the first time he came home for a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.

Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m.

Bullshit. He is 19 and living off his parents. Asking someone to text if they are not coming home is extremely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult

So?

[Anonymous]

My college roommate and I would leave a quick voicemail on the room phone if we were staying out, so the other wouldn’t be worry. I don’t understand how people think it is unreasonable to give the people you live with this common courtesy, especially when specifically asked to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Address it same way you would with an adult guest in your home.

OP, I hope by now he is back safe. When DD first stayed out all night at 20, I worried. Thanks to her phone I was able to track her and conclude she was safe. However, I let her know that she’s an adult and part of being an adult is letting others know you’re safe so they don’t worry. I stressed that this was also the considerate way to treat her roommates at school. I don’t always like her choices but I can’t change them so I’m taking this approach so at least I don’t lie awake worrying she’s in a hospital or worse. DS19 has never pulled the all-nighter thankfully. Both know that if I text ask their ETA, I expect a timely response. I feel lucky that so far they haven’t pushed back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.

Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m.

It’s a two-way street. So what does your sophomore do to adapt to being a legal adult? What bills are they paying? What responsibilities do they have for maintenance of the home they stay in? Are they paying for their phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 19 year old is not a freshman. They are sophomores. Delayed sophomores is the correct term. The kids call them DS's.

Sorry to all those kids who entered school after a Sept 30th cut off with birthdays in Oct, Nov, Dec. According to this wise poster and “the kids” you are delayed sophomores.

You shouldn’t have made to adulthood and not realized this happens no matter when the cut off is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 19 year old is not a freshman. They are sophomores. Delayed sophomores is the correct term. The kids call them DS's.

Lol, no….no one calls them that.
Depending on the birthday month, a 19 year old sophomore is exactly on schedule by December. Many states have a September 1 or September 30 cut off for kindergarten, so any kid with an October, November, or December birthday will by 19 by new years eve of their sophomore year.

I think you meant freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was home on college breaks I would stay out until 2 am. There was no text required by 12:30 am because there were no cell phones. My parents went to bed around 10 pm. Unclench.

Except now there ARE cell phones, and sending a quick text is very easy.

I’m probably the no cell PP’s age and while we did not have cell phones everyplace had a landline or a pay phone! I always had change on me and definitely called from house phones to let my parents there was a change of plans.

In 10 years these college kids who were not taught common courtesy will have partners posting: “my DH stayed out all night” “my wife isn’t picking up her phone”

[Anonymous]

I hope he’s ok. I’d be worried sick.

[Anonymous]

I’m hoping he’s well OP. I know this is new territory and I’m sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.

Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m.

The key word here is "adapt." I think the idea that you drop a kid off at college and then don't get to have any more requests/guidelines, etc. when they return home a mere 3-4 months later is ridiculous. And the ask here is not huge - literally a text to let people know you are ok. Totally reasonable.