Brother’s Wife Asked for a piece of Jewlery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother actually ended up giving more jewelry to her DIL than to her daughter (my mom). My uncle and aunt moved to take care of her in her last years and really did a lot for her. No one threw a hissy fit. Grow up, OP.

Well can you see how that might be a different case? To start, they moved to be close to your grandmother. For second, your grandmother specifically provided for this distribution. It doesn't sound like that's the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

OP, this is not 1950, and you are not Queen Bee Sh&t of F**ckery Mountain.

[Anonymous]

So much sock puppeting on this thread. So much.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

OP, this is not 1950, and you are not Queen Bee Sh&t of F**ckery Mountain.

I am the PP and I am not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much sock puppeting on this thread. So much.

If you think that then report the post to Jeff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

OP, this is not 1950, and you are not Queen Bee Sh&t of F**ckery Mountain.

I am the PP and I am not OP.

It’s small and it’s petty to deny the SIL a thing that might bring her comfort since she and OP’s mother were close. You give too much weight to a blood connection when it is proven again and again that connections of the heart, not of blood, are most important. The mother chose to be close to her DIL. Perhaps this is what OP is reacting to by being so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - how would you have felt if your brother had been the one who asked for a piece of your mother's jewelry?

I must admit I would feel differently because that’s his mother as well.

Is he going to wear it?

No, but he might enjoy seeing his wife wearing a piece of her jewelry. Finding it within you to part with ONE piece for the wife of your brother should not be this difficult.

My husband’s mother passed away before we met, his brothers gave me one of her necklaces at our rehearsal dinner. Every time I wear it, it makes my husband happy because it reminds him of his mom.

Also, I was very touched that they did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

OP, this is not 1950, and you are not Queen Bee Sh&t of F**ckery Mountain.

How is like the 1950s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

How old is your daughter? Is she old enough that she would feel comfortable asking? If not, would you not ask for her?

I certainly would! OP is over reacting and being over protective of what she sees as "hers" - but it is not hers, at all.

I can see OP wanting to have first dibs and not sharing much at all, if anything, because of OP's obvious selfishness, self centeredness and greed - according to OP's own post. OP wants to think that she and her kids are the only ones that matter, and if there is more than one grandchild (which OP indicated that there is) that is simply not true.

Even my MIL, who isn't the nicest or most thoughtful, or particularly close to me, would want my daughter to have a nice piece that has historical significance. MIL surely would not give all the (for example) wedding/engagement rings to one kid - she would divide them up evenly - those would be three pieces to divide. If for no other reason, MIL would be fair and equal, so as to not tarnish her own legacy or create drama.

OP, you seem to like drama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - how would you have felt if your brother had been the one who asked for a piece of your mother's jewelry?

I must admit I would feel differently because that’s his mother as well.

Is he going to wear it?

No, but he might enjoy seeing his wife wearing a piece of her jewelry. Finding it within you to part with ONE piece for the wife of your brother should not be this difficult.

My husband’s mother passed away before we met, his brothers gave me one of her necklaces at our rehearsal dinner. Every time I wear it, it makes my husband happy because it reminds him of his mom.

Also, I was very touched that they did that.

You married into a great family! Congratulations! Glad you did not end up in OP's family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss. I can see why you are upset that she asked but in the interest of family harmony, there must be at least one piece that you do not care for that you can give to your SIL.

My MIL has a ton of jewelry and I fully expect it all to go to my SIL. I do not plan to ask for anything. My dd would likely ask for a piece. She really doesn’t wear jewelry but would want something to remember her grandma. I’m sure your sil is asking for the same reason and not to encroach on your inheritance.

I'm the one defending OP here - and I think it's also different if the niece (or nephew!) asks OP for a piece of jewelry. I think it's different if the brother asks.

SIL should not be asking. It's not her mother.

What? The niece is further removed than a DIL? Most nieces and nephews aren’t around their aunt and uncles as much into adulthood. However a DIL a lot of times contributes to her elder care or at least helps support her husband in the care of his mother.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are horrible and should be ashamed and embarrassed. Your brother has just as much right to your mom's things as you, and if he wants to give it to his wife he should. That's how you should view this situation. You should also be grateful that your SIL apparently was fond of your mom and wants something to signify their relationship. You need therapy, OP, although I am not sure therapy can fix a stingy heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were close for 20 years and presumably she loved your mom. A piece of jewelry is fine.

It's fine if it's offered - it's not fine to ask.

Why?

Because it's not her mother. You can be close with your in laws - but unless the MIL gave the SIL some jewelry, or told her she wanted her to have some of it, it's for the daughter. Jewelry can have a special significance - it sounds like that's the case here. If the mother didn't say she wanted it to go in a different way, it goes to the daughter - and then the daughter can decide if she wants to share.

Maybe the SIL can ask at some point - especially if there's a special piece that means a lot to her, and probably won't mean as much to the daughter. But probably not while OP is in the thick of grief. It should have been the brother broaching this, if at all, in any case - not demanding any of the jewelry, but saying his wife has an attachment to such and suck piece, and how does OP feel about giving it to her. SIL should not have been the one asking.

OP, this is not 1950, and you are not Queen Bee Sh&t of F**ckery Mountain.

I am the PP and I am not OP.

It’s small and it’s petty to deny the SIL a thing that might bring her comfort since she and OP’s mother were close. You give too much weight to a blood connection when it is proven again and again that connections of the heart, not of blood, are most important. The mother chose to be close to her DIL. Perhaps this is what OP is reacting to by being so selfish.

+1

The mother chose to be close to her grand daughter. Since OP has no blood grand daughters, OP is jealous and trying to hoard everything. So gross. Are you always this slimy, OP?