12 yo daughter groped at school...at least twice

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

I think you did the right thing. Involving the police seems problematic- for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

Good job, mom!

[Anonymous]

Op I was groped at that age. A boy came up behind me and grabbed my breasts. I told my parents, who called his parents (really small town; I could have happily crawled into a pit) they also called the principal.

He was suspended for three days and his parents brought him over to apologize. Open up another pit.

[Anonymous]

I would go into that school and read them a riot act, and if it happens again, call the cops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

Good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

I think you did the right thing. Involving the police seems problematic- for all.

Whatever the police do or don't do is not the victim's fault. She can call the police if she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

So glad you went in person, so glad you met with the Principal, so glad your daughter spoke up.

All those calling for you to call the police right away are clueless about responses that cause more harm and chaos and get in the way of resolving this and keeping a kid safe, vs. actually setting everyone up for responding as best they can while also knowing how to escalate it if you need to. OP's daughter would have been further traumatized having to talk to police and then dealing with a school full of people pissed at her mom for over-reacting without first actually making sure more than the teacher knew what happened and finding out what if anything is being done about it.

OP you also modeled that you are going to go to bat for your kid while listening to them and their concerns as well. And hopefully she found out that she was believed, that it was a problem with another girl too, and that she did the right thing.

I still think getting her to a therapist, or maybe booking a session with the school counselor and you and her is a good follow up, so she gets to talk about how reporting it felt and get ideas about how she might handle it if anyone else bullies her, says mean things like calling her fat, or makes fun of her. It is HUGE to help her think about these things in advance even if she freezes again next time, because at least she's got more context and knows her options better, and knows you have her back.

Well done Momma! And well done to your DD too, and the Principal. Now just make sure whatever the Principal said would happen, happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

I think you did the right thing. Involving the police seems problematic- for all.

Whatever the police do or don't do is not the victim's fault. She can call the police if she wants.

But calling the police before the parent actually discusses it themself with the teacher or principal or anyone at the school is jumping to an extreme that could actually traumatize her daughter, the victim, while totally NOT actually solving the problem and making sure the school knows what's going on and is keeping her safe. OP hadn't even spoken to the school yet! Do you really call the police based on the little info even OP had when she started this thread? You're a terrible problem-solver if you do, because that makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I was groped at that age. A boy came up behind me and grabbed my breasts. I told my parents, who called his parents (really small town; I could have happily crawled into a pit) they also called the principal.

He was suspended for three days and his parents brought him over to apologize. Open up another pit.

So looking back are you glad it was addressed, or are you saying you were so mortified you wished your parents hadn't acted? It's not clear from what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

OP once the dust has settled, consider again what you should do next. Sometimes with schools, the parent meeting is positive but the follow-up doesn't happen. Make sure you follow through with whatever your DD needs moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

I think you did the right thing. Involving the police seems problematic- for all.

Whatever the police do or don't do is not the victim's fault. She can call the police if she wants.

But calling the police before the parent actually discusses it themself with the teacher or principal or anyone at the school is jumping to an extreme that could actually traumatize her daughter, the victim, while totally NOT actually solving the problem and making sure the school knows what's going on and is keeping her safe. OP hadn't even spoken to the school yet! Do you really call the police based on the little info even OP had when she started this thread? You're a terrible problem-solver if you do, because that makes no sense.

That PP said calling the police was problematic, without an indication that it was only problematic to do so before involving it school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF. This is sexual assault. Not only do you tell the school, you tell the police.

TikTok encourages this; it is no big deal to kids.

The school sent us this warning about girls being sexually assaulted at the request of TikTok:


“Dear Families,

We have been made aware of a series of new monthly challenges that have been shared across the social media platform TikTok. Last month the “Devious Licks” challenge emerged, and students committed acts of vandalism on school property. Now, these challenges are escalating and harming people.

Here is the full list:

September: Vandalize school bathrooms

October: Smack a staff member

November: Kiss your friend’s girlfriend at school

December: Deck the halls and show your *****

January: Jab a breast

February: Mess up school signs



I want to be clear, these are not fun, harmless challenges. These are crimes with very serious consequences. Students who commit these acts face disciplinary action under the Student Rights and Responsibilities, and possible criminal charges.

Please continue to talk with your children about the serious nature of these acts and the consequences they will face if they participate.

I believe that by working together, we can make sure students and staff are learning and working together in a safe environment. Thank you for your support.
​​​​​​​

Sincerely,

Scott Brabrand
Superintendent”


Some of us actually read the emails the school sends out.

You are so smug.
"The school"--do you think every single poster here sends their kids to the exact same school your kid goes to? Scott Brabrand is not the superintendent of every school district in the DC area.
Some of us actually realize there are schools other than those in Fairfax county.

and yet, January was “jab a breast month” at every single school in the DC area, or to mention the rest of the country. A friend’s school in Connecticut shut down for 3 days due to the exact same TikTok challenges warned about.

Why do you let your kid use TikTok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you so much for everything. It pushed me to realize that regardless of anything else, I needed to go to the school. Met with the principal this morning, my daughter gave a statement. I think she was really upset, but overall she did great and I hope it helps her feel better.

Side note, the boy was also doing this to another girl, so I'm glad I brought it up for the boy's sake (so he can stop and not get worse, I hope).

I was very happy with how the principal handled everything with my daughter, so we'll see. Thank you again.

Good job for speaking up. But you need to go higher.

This tells me that he’s been caught twice, but may have done it to more than two girls. If the school already knows he’s already been spoken to and keeps doing it. He is NOT stopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF. This is sexual assault. Not only do you tell the school, you tell the police.

TikTok encourages this; it is no big deal to kids.

The school sent us this warning about girls being sexually assaulted at the request of TikTok:


“Dear Families,

We have been made aware of a series of new monthly challenges that have been shared across the social media platform TikTok. Last month the “Devious Licks” challenge emerged, and students committed acts of vandalism on school property. Now, these challenges are escalating and harming people.

Here is the full list:

September: Vandalize school bathrooms

October: Smack a staff member

November: Kiss your friend’s girlfriend at school

December: Deck the halls and show your *****

January: Jab a breast

February: Mess up school signs



I want to be clear, these are not fun, harmless challenges. These are crimes with very serious consequences. Students who commit these acts face disciplinary action under the Student Rights and Responsibilities, and possible criminal charges.

Please continue to talk with your children about the serious nature of these acts and the consequences they will face if they participate.

I believe that by working together, we can make sure students and staff are learning and working together in a safe environment. Thank you for your support.
​​​​​​​

Sincerely,

Scott Brabrand
Superintendent”


Some of us actually read the emails the school sends out.

You are so smug.
"The school"--do you think every single poster here sends their kids to the exact same school your kid goes to? Scott Brabrand is not the superintendent of every school district in the DC area.
Some of us actually realize there are schools other than those in Fairfax county.

and yet, January was “jab a breast month” at every single school in the DC area, or to mention the rest of the country. A friend’s school in Connecticut shut down for 3 days due to the exact same TikTok challenges warned about.

Why do you let your kid use TikTok?

My kids don't use TikTok. And January was 11 months ago. From OP's post, her daughter's assault was recent.