Blindsided by ER bill - DD says she was "roofied"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I think you confront her on it. Tell her you love her but the story doesn't sound right and that if you are expected to parent in the form if paying hospital bills and college tuition, you should be consulted. Moreover, as a parent who has been around and who loves her, you should especially if there is a situation that involves police.

If this was alcohol poisoning, did she really "seek care?" The cases I know, the person is too incapacitated to choose care, and the friends dump them at the ER, no? Or call 911. I think all the people worried she won't seek care are kind of missing the point if she is manipulating the situation. DD will look at her as a blank check with some of the advice here, and that will not help OP guide her.

Hang in there, OP. I think it's fair to have expectations and for DD to experience repercussions of her actions, especially if she refuses your help, but keep showing the love too.

I want my children to see me as a blank check when it comes to medical care. I don't want them to delay seeking medical care -- especially emergency or mental health care -- over concerns about whether I will pay $120.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD’s roommate last year was drinking a lot, vaping marijuana in their room and just generally hanging out with a hard partying crowd. 1st semester of freshmen year. It wasn’t unusual for her to stay out all night. One morning after she didn’t come back to the dorm room the previous night, DD received bunch of texts from the roommates friends saying she was in the ER. When roommate came back she told DD she’d been roofied. The roommates friends said it had just been the 4 of them drinking in their neighboring dorm room. Roommate had a very rocky year and didn’t return in the Fall.

OP pay the bill but don’t let her take the car next year. Experimenting and partying too much every once in awhile is one thing. This sounds like it could be something else.

This. It's very common for people to use 'I've been roofied' when they have had way beyond their limit and can't handle the alcohol. It's a 'try to save face' for being absolutely plastered--and any embarrassing behavior that came from that.

This is exactly why I didn't tell anyone the truth.
- PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- what scares me are the number of kids who die in their sleep choking on their own vomit --at frat parties, etc., because nobody sees them or how bad they are doing.

The alcohol abuse is scary.

This is exactly why you should never scold or punish your child for going to the ER when she had a problem. Your kid needs to know you have her back.

Which means rehab. Don't normalize drinking until you black out.

[Anonymous]

I’d just pay the bill because you don’t want to discourage medical care and making this bill an issue won’t solve your dishonesty problems which are probably a done deal anyway at this point. She might grow out of it or not but it’s out of your hands.

[Anonymous]

I ate mushrooms and had a bad trip in college. I ended up in the emergency room and guess what, I didn’t tell my mom. She made mention of a bill but really didn’t push. Some things you just don’t want to tell your parents.

[Anonymous]

If she was roofied, I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell her parents after ending up in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she was roofied, I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell her parents after ending up in the hospital.

Perhaps she knew her mother would freak out and try to punish her for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has to lie because you massively overreact.

Yeah I have to agree. If she needed medical attention, it’s good she sought it.

She prob had alcohol poisoning or a bad reaction to marijuana.

Not ideal but if she’s generally responsible, have a talk and let it go. And stop acting like it’s about the ER bill when it’s clearly not. It’s just your tool for control.

Plenty of people have overindulged here and there, esp in college. Or would you rather she choke on her vomit and spare you the $120 hospital cost? Or maybe just pass out somewhere in a hallway or on a sidewalk where really bad things could happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rohypnol looks very much like being drunk-- makes me think you are a troll if you'd post that without even checking that.

I'm not trolling. I have NO idea what it looks like.

When I was in college, my understanding of being roofied is that it sort of paralyzed you. You were awake and conscious and knew what was happening but you couldn't move.

I was roofied once, and was not paralyzed. It depends on the specific drug(s) administered and the dosage. And even if it's "just" alcohol poisoning, I would not want to punish my kid for seeking medical attention by making them pay the bill, because I would not want them to hesitate to seek medical care in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I think you confront her on it. Tell her you love her but the story doesn't sound right and that if you are expected to parent in the form if paying hospital bills and college tuition, you should be consulted. Moreover, as a parent who has been around and who loves her, you should especially if there is a situation that involves police.

If this was alcohol poisoning, did she really "seek care?" The cases I know, the person is too incapacitated to choose care, and the friends dump them at the ER, no? Or call 911. I think all the people worried she won't seek care are kind of missing the point if she is manipulating the situation. DD will look at her as a blank check with some of the advice here, and that will not help OP guide her.

Hang in there, OP. I think it's fair to have expectations and for DD to experience repercussions of her actions, especially if she refuses your help, but keep showing the love too.

Her friends took her.

She told her mother one story and me another.

The only reason her mother found out is someone who follows here on TikTok saw a drunken post to TikTok she made from the hospital bed.

My bottom line is we all drank in college. I get that. But being a victim of a crime and hospitalized, you call your parents. Alcohol landed you in the hospital? We are going to have a very serious conversation about substance abuse. I drank a lot in college, so did most of our friends. None of us landed in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I think you confront her on it. Tell her you love her but the story doesn't sound right and that if you are expected to parent in the form if paying hospital bills and college tuition, you should be consulted. Moreover, as a parent who has been around and who loves her, you should especially if there is a situation that involves police.

If this was alcohol poisoning, did she really "seek care?" The cases I know, the person is too incapacitated to choose care, and the friends dump them at the ER, no? Or call 911. I think all the people worried she won't seek care are kind of missing the point if she is manipulating the situation. DD will look at her as a blank check with some of the advice here, and that will not help OP guide her.

Hang in there, OP. I think it's fair to have expectations and for DD to experience repercussions of her actions, especially if she refuses your help, but keep showing the love too.

I want my children to see me as a blank check when it comes to medical care. I don't want them to delay seeking medical care -- especially emergency or mental health care -- over concerns about whether I will pay $120.

Sure, but ending up in the ER for alcohol poisoning is not seeking medical care. It's what happens when someone is unresponsive and someone else calls 911.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she was roofied, I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell her parents after ending up in the hospital.

Perhaps she knew her mother would freak out and try to punish her for it.

Or maybe she would have guessed that mom would discuss her daughter's most private details with a bunch of anonymous strangers on a public website. LMAO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say for a minute it was alcohol poisoning...if you make her pay the bill, the next time she's in need of a hospital, will she go?

Personally, I couldn't live with myself if I made is less likely my kid wouldn't seek medical help in an emergency (and alcohol poisoning is an emergency). So, I'd pay it and move on.

+1 figure out how to address bigger issues (is DD putting herself in danger with alcohol/drugs, any isn't she telling you about going to the hospital etc) but nothing to disincentivize going to the hospital which is the responsible and possibly life-saving thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I think you confront her on it. Tell her you love her but the story doesn't sound right and that if you are expected to parent in the form if paying hospital bills and college tuition, you should be consulted. Moreover, as a parent who has been around and who loves her, you should especially if there is a situation that involves police.

If this was alcohol poisoning, did she really "seek care?" The cases I know, the person is too incapacitated to choose care, and the friends dump them at the ER, no? Or call 911. I think all the people worried she won't seek care are kind of missing the point if she is manipulating the situation. DD will look at her as a blank check with some of the advice here, and that will not help OP guide her.

Hang in there, OP. I think it's fair to have expectations and for DD to experience repercussions of her actions, especially if she refuses your help, but keep showing the love too.

I want my children to see me as a blank check when it comes to medical care. I don't want them to delay seeking medical care -- especially emergency or mental health care -- over concerns about whether I will pay $120.

Sure, but ending up in the ER for alcohol poisoning is not seeking medical care. It's what happens when someone is unresponsive and someone else calls 911.

+1 I posted a different response above but agree with this - no one is taking themselves to the hospital for alcohol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say for a minute it was alcohol poisoning...if you make her pay the bill, the next time she's in need of a hospital, will she go?

Personally, I couldn't live with myself if I made is less likely my kid wouldn't seek medical help in an emergency (and alcohol poisoning is an emergency). So, I'd pay it and move on.

This. The bigger problem is that your daughter may have some serious issues. Treat and handle the issues, not the fact that she gets medical care when she really needs it.

For example, you could ask her to start seeing a counselor, and think about the other things in her life you might be missing. But please, really, what kind of control freak are you to make her pay her hospital bill?