My DS wants to be a musician. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents didn't want me to become an actor and kept talking to me about putting "eggs in other baskets" and how impossible it was, so I chased it behind their backs. It put a massive wedge in our relationship for years. I spent weekends in New York auditioning, had appearances on TV that they never knew about and would hear about from coworkers or friends. I never felt comfortable sharing any wins with them and definitely not any struggles, I was completely alone in this pursuit. I finally pivoted into producing/production development and I'm very happy here. Did I become a movie star? No, not even close. But my pursuit led me exactly where I was meant to be.

So your parents weren't wrong about putting your eggs in other baskets and the long-shot nature of making it as an actor. It's great you were still able to pivot to another role in film/television, but they were right about placing all of your bets on becoming an actor.

Last comment before I go back to work haha, but I didn't need my parents to tell me this. Anything as competitive as acting or music will give you enough doses of harsh reality that you don't also need it at home. Parents can stay the good guys and the voice of belief and they'll be plenty other people along the way to knock down their son. My relationship with my parents was strained because I felt like I needed to keep this a secret, I could handle the negativity from producers, teachers and agents, but I couldn't hear it come from my own parents. It would have been nice to share in my highs and lows with them along the way, knowing they were there for me and believed in me, even if it's crazy. And my years of chasing the acting bug is what makes me a good producer, I treat them like they're humans. I consider that a success, even if it looks different from where I started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents didn't want me to become an actor and kept talking to me about putting "eggs in other baskets" and how impossible it was, so I chased it behind their backs. It put a massive wedge in our relationship for years. I spent weekends in New York auditioning, had appearances on TV that they never knew about and would hear about from coworkers or friends. I never felt comfortable sharing any wins with them and definitely not any struggles, I was completely alone in this pursuit. I finally pivoted into producing/production development and I'm very happy here. Did I become a movie star? No, not even close. But my pursuit led me exactly where I was meant to be.

So your parents weren't wrong about putting your eggs in other baskets and the long-shot nature of making it as an actor. It's great you were still able to pivot to another role in film/television, but they were right about placing all of your bets on becoming an actor.

Last comment before I go back to work haha, but I didn't need my parents to tell me this. Anything as competitive as acting or music will give you enough doses of harsh reality that you don't also need it at home. Parents can stay the good guys and the voice of belief and they'll be plenty other people along the way to knock down their son. My relationship with my parents was strained because I felt like I needed to keep this a secret, I could handle the negativity from producers, teachers and agents, but I couldn't hear it come from my own parents. It would have been nice to share in my highs and lows with them along the way, knowing they were there for me and believed in me, even if it's crazy. And my years of chasing the acting bug is what makes me a good producer, I treat them like they're humans. I consider that a success, even if it looks different from where I started.

As a working musician with a day job, I totally agree! We all get nearly constant rejection from venues, judgement from fellow musicians (why can’t we all just get along?), lots of self-doubt … we don’t need it from our family too. I’m lucky in that I’ve got parents who will do things like go see my hard rock band play at Baltimore dive bars for 30 people.

Solidarity, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your son send his original compositions to his uncle for honest feedback

Uncle already decided he wants to stay out of the family conflict. There's no way he's going to be the harsh critic you think he can be and crush this kid's dreams.

OP here. My brother already said that he is staying out of the family conflict but he loves DS and is willing to do anything for DS. My brother is also paying for guitar and vocal cord lessons for the past five years, and gives DS a few guitars. FWIF, my brother barely graduated HS and somehow got accepted to UCLA but dropped out, to the dismay of my parents, to pursue his music dream. He didn't talk to my parents for ten years but the relationship is normal now. He told me that he gave DS advice but that conversion will remain private and he is not going to disclose that to me. Today is FCPS school holiday and DS has been on the guitar since 8am with a brief break for lunch, and it is driving my wife crazy, and in turn she is driving me crazy, can't get much work done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one? Prove it. I don’t care about professors. Show me interviews from Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, James Hetfield, and Chad Smith. If every acclaimed musician has talked about it, as you say, you should be able to find it.

And how do you know I’m just fiddling? It’s really insulting that you think I don’t know how to effectively practice my instrument. I’m in multiple bands that gig regularly. I know how to practice.

Lastly, I ask again: Are you a professional or semi-professional musician?

Are you a nationally or internationally recognized musician? You practicing eight hours a day without achieving any acclaim is evidence that you have zero authority on the matter. Evidence based studies and internationally acclaimed musicians sway me more than random comments on an internet board.

This is a stupid comment. Just because I practice guitar eight hours a day for from the age of ten to the age of 25 does not mean that I am a better guitar player than John Mayer. There are lot of baseball prospects that practice eight hours everyday and they don't make it to the MLB. There are so many hard working musicians that don't succeed but you can be sure that those musicians will not succeed if they don't work hard. Working hard is the prerequisite to success but it does not guarantee success.

That’s the whole premise of my comment, practicing after a certain amount of hours has no additional benefit other than enjoyment. It’s no different than having spent that time playing video games. In the case of this kid, it is significantly more beneficial for his life spending some of that time doing homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one? Prove it. I don’t care about professors. Show me interviews from Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, James Hetfield, and Chad Smith. If every acclaimed musician has talked about it, as you say, you should be able to find it.

And how do you know I’m just fiddling? It’s really insulting that you think I don’t know how to effectively practice my instrument. I’m in multiple bands that gig regularly. I know how to practice.

Lastly, I ask again: Are you a professional or semi-professional musician?

Are you a nationally or internationally recognized musician? You practicing eight hours a day without achieving any acclaim is evidence that you have zero authority on the matter. Evidence based studies and internationally acclaimed musicians sway me more than random comments on an internet board.

This is a stupid comment. Just because I practice guitar eight hours a day for from the age of ten to the age of 25 does not mean that I am a better guitar player than John Mayer. There are lot of baseball prospects that practice eight hours everyday and they don't make it to the MLB. There are so many hard working musicians that don't succeed but you can be sure that those musicians will not succeed if they don't work hard. Working hard is the prerequisite to success but it does not guarantee success.

That’s the whole premise of my comment, practicing after a certain amount of hours has no additional benefit other than enjoyment. It’s no different than having spent that time playing video games. In the case of this kid, it is significantly more beneficial for his life spending some of that time doing homework.

You’re equating playing music to playing video games?

That is so intensely ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your son send his original compositions to his uncle for honest feedback

Uncle already decided he wants to stay out of the family conflict. There's no way he's going to be the harsh critic you think he can be and crush this kid's dreams.

OP here. My brother already said that he is staying out of the family conflict but he loves DS and is willing to do anything for DS. My brother is also paying for guitar and vocal cord lessons for the past five years, and gives DS a few guitars. FWIF, my brother barely graduated HS and somehow got accepted to UCLA but dropped out, to the dismay of my parents, to pursue his music dream. He didn't talk to my parents for ten years but the relationship is normal now. He told me that he gave DS advice but that conversion will remain private and he is not going to disclose that to me. Today is FCPS school holiday and DS has been on the guitar since 8am with a brief break for lunch, and it is driving my wife crazy, and in turn she is driving me crazy, can't get much work done.

Honestly, your wife sounds horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your son send his original compositions to his uncle for honest feedback

Uncle already decided he wants to stay out of the family conflict. There's no way he's going to be the harsh critic you think he can be and crush this kid's dreams.

OP here. My brother already said that he is staying out of the family conflict but he loves DS and is willing to do anything for DS. My brother is also paying for guitar and vocal cord lessons for the past five years, and gives DS a few guitars. FWIF, my brother barely graduated HS and somehow got accepted to UCLA but dropped out, to the dismay of my parents, to pursue his music dream. He didn't talk to my parents for ten years but the relationship is normal now. He told me that he gave DS advice but that conversion will remain private and he is not going to disclose that to me. Today is FCPS school holiday and DS has been on the guitar since 8am with a brief break for lunch, and it is driving my wife crazy, and in turn she is driving me crazy, can't get much work done.

Honestly, your wife sounds horrible.

+1 Sounds uptight AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one? Prove it. I don’t care about professors. Show me interviews from Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, James Hetfield, and Chad Smith. If every acclaimed musician has talked about it, as you say, you should be able to find it.

And how do you know I’m just fiddling? It’s really insulting that you think I don’t know how to effectively practice my instrument. I’m in multiple bands that gig regularly. I know how to practice.

Lastly, I ask again: Are you a professional or semi-professional musician?

Are you a nationally or internationally recognized musician? You practicing eight hours a day without achieving any acclaim is evidence that you have zero authority on the matter. Evidence based studies and internationally acclaimed musicians sway me more than random comments on an internet board.

This is a stupid comment. Just because I practice guitar eight hours a day for from the age of ten to the age of 25 does not mean that I am a better guitar player than John Mayer. There are lot of baseball prospects that practice eight hours everyday and they don't make it to the MLB. There are so many hard working musicians that don't succeed but you can be sure that those musicians will not succeed if they don't work hard. Working hard is the prerequisite to success but it does not guarantee success.

That’s the whole premise of my comment, practicing after a certain amount of hours has no additional benefit other than enjoyment. It’s no different than having spent that time playing video games. In the case of this kid, it is significantly more beneficial for his life spending some of that time doing homework.

Musicians do NOT spend eight hours practicing, most of that time is spent on writing music working on a particular song. Have you ever seen an athlete in training before? Musicians are very similar to that. As I've said before, when you love what you do, time goes by very quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one? Prove it. I don’t care about professors. Show me interviews from Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, James Hetfield, and Chad Smith. If every acclaimed musician has talked about it, as you say, you should be able to find it.

And how do you know I’m just fiddling? It’s really insulting that you think I don’t know how to effectively practice my instrument. I’m in multiple bands that gig regularly. I know how to practice.

Lastly, I ask again: Are you a professional or semi-professional musician?

Are you a nationally or internationally recognized musician? You practicing eight hours a day without achieving any acclaim is evidence that you have zero authority on the matter. Evidence based studies and internationally acclaimed musicians sway me more than random comments on an internet board.

This is a stupid comment. Just because I practice guitar eight hours a day for from the age of ten to the age of 25 does not mean that I am a better guitar player than John Mayer. There are lot of baseball prospects that practice eight hours everyday and they don't make it to the MLB. There are so many hard working musicians that don't succeed but you can be sure that those musicians will not succeed if they don't work hard. Working hard is the prerequisite to success but it does not guarantee success.

That’s the whole premise of my comment, practicing after a certain amount of hours has no additional benefit other than enjoyment. It’s no different than having spent that time playing video games. In the case of this kid, it is significantly more beneficial for his life spending some of that time doing homework.

Musicians do NOT spend eight hours practicing, most of that time is spent on writing music working on a particular song. Have you ever seen an athlete in training before? Musicians are very similar to that. As I've said before, when you love what you do, time goes by very quickly.

None of these people who are posting are musicians, and yet they pretend to know what works and what doesn’t in terms of careers, practicing, etc. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your son send his original compositions to his uncle for honest feedback

Uncle already decided he wants to stay out of the family conflict. There's no way he's going to be the harsh critic you think he can be and crush this kid's dreams.

OP here. My brother already said that he is staying out of the family conflict but he loves DS and is willing to do anything for DS. My brother is also paying for guitar and vocal cord lessons for the past five years, and gives DS a few guitars. FWIF, my brother barely graduated HS and somehow got accepted to UCLA but dropped out, to the dismay of my parents, to pursue his music dream. He didn't talk to my parents for ten years but the relationship is normal now. He told me that he gave DS advice but that conversion will remain private and he is not going to disclose that to me. Today is FCPS school holiday and DS has been on the guitar since 8am with a brief break for lunch, and it is driving my wife crazy, and in turn she is driving me crazy, can't get much work done.

So....to answer the PP's question, if your brother is investing in your son's guitar and vocal lessons, he must think he has a decent shot at making it? If so, maybe just get him to finish high school and then ship him off once he graduates to live with his uncle.

[Anonymous]

I would like to point out that pursuing a career in the performing arts does not mean you have to bypass college.

Lupita N'yongo is an A-list actress. She graduated from Yale. Charlie Puth is a successful pop musician and he graduated from the Berklee College of Music.

Pursuing a career in music or film/TV doesn't mean you can't do college. And college can be a useful stepping stone as in the two examples I just shared.

Teens have very limited, narrow mindsets about the path to success and what it looks like.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's a helpful list for your DS to counter the narrative in his head that successful musicians don't go to college: https://ultimateclassicrock.com/rock-musicians-college-degrees/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one? Prove it. I don’t care about professors. Show me interviews from Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, James Hetfield, and Chad Smith. If every acclaimed musician has talked about it, as you say, you should be able to find it.

And how do you know I’m just fiddling? It’s really insulting that you think I don’t know how to effectively practice my instrument. I’m in multiple bands that gig regularly. I know how to practice.

Lastly, I ask again: Are you a professional or semi-professional musician?

Are you a nationally or internationally recognized musician? You practicing eight hours a day without achieving any acclaim is evidence that you have zero authority on the matter. Evidence based studies and internationally acclaimed musicians sway me more than random comments on an internet board.

This is a stupid comment. Just because I practice guitar eight hours a day for from the age of ten to the age of 25 does not mean that I am a better guitar player than John Mayer. There are lot of baseball prospects that practice eight hours everyday and they don't make it to the MLB. There are so many hard working musicians that don't succeed but you can be sure that those musicians will not succeed if they don't work hard. Working hard is the prerequisite to success but it does not guarantee success.

That’s the whole premise of my comment, practicing after a certain amount of hours has no additional benefit other than enjoyment. It’s no different than having spent that time playing video games. In the case of this kid, it is significantly more beneficial for his life spending some of that time doing homework.

You’re equating playing music to playing video games?

That is so intensely ignorant.

Yeah anything you do for enjoyment
without gaining additional skill, whether it’s playing music, video games or golf is the same.

In fact gaming opens up a whole more opportunities for an enjoyable and lucrative career. You are intensely delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out that pursuing a career in the performing arts does not mean you have to bypass college.

Lupita N'yongo is an A-list actress. She graduated from Yale. Charlie Puth is a successful pop musician and he graduated from the Berklee College of Music.

Pursuing a career in music or film/TV doesn't mean you can't do college. And college can be a useful stepping stone as in the two examples I just shared.

Teens have very limited, narrow mindsets about the path to success and what it looks like.

Yes, but it’s also true that college is by no means necessary and if a teenager says that, it doesn’t mean they have a limited, narrow mindset about the path to success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one? Prove it. I don’t care about professors. Show me interviews from Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, James Hetfield, and Chad Smith. If every acclaimed musician has talked about it, as you say, you should be able to find it.

And how do you know I’m just fiddling? It’s really insulting that you think I don’t know how to effectively practice my instrument. I’m in multiple bands that gig regularly. I know how to practice.

Lastly, I ask again: Are you a professional or semi-professional musician?

Are you a nationally or internationally recognized musician? You practicing eight hours a day without achieving any acclaim is evidence that you have zero authority on the matter. Evidence based studies and internationally acclaimed musicians sway me more than random comments on an internet board.

This is a stupid comment. Just because I practice guitar eight hours a day for from the age of ten to the age of 25 does not mean that I am a better guitar player than John Mayer. There are lot of baseball prospects that practice eight hours everyday and they don't make it to the MLB. There are so many hard working musicians that don't succeed but you can be sure that those musicians will not succeed if they don't work hard. Working hard is the prerequisite to success but it does not guarantee success.

That’s the whole premise of my comment, practicing after a certain amount of hours has no additional benefit other than enjoyment. It’s no different than having spent that time playing video games. In the case of this kid, it is significantly more beneficial for his life spending some of that time doing homework.

You’re equating playing music to playing video games?

That is so intensely ignorant.

Yeah anything you do for enjoyment
without gaining additional skill, whether it’s playing music, video games or golf is the same.

In fact gaming opens up a whole more opportunities for an enjoyable and lucrative career. You are intensely delusional.

That’s completely untrue. Both music and gaming have many opportunities for success.

But you seem to think that simply playing music, without gaining additional skills, has no intrinsic value. Read about the many physical and psychological benefits of playing music.