helping them buy a home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I want to help DS to purchase his first townhouse, around 1M, but we want DS to have skin in the game. DS has lived at home with us for three years and saved up 95% of his annual salary, after taxes, for the past three years with about 240K in his account. When he officially moved out two months ago, we gave him 600K for his 1M home purchase down payment. IMHO, that is the right approach.

Are you a troll? No one needs a million dollar house as their first home.

In the end the children know deep inside they never did anything on their own and know they are weak lightweights.

Not really, you are just jealous

Plenty of kids lead very successful lives and do great things at their jobs and still have wealthy parents who "help out". If parent is worth millions and set for retirement, why wouldn't you give your kids whatever is reasonable to you for a downpayment? Can't take it with you and it helps them much more now than when they are 50/60 and you are dead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children just simply can’t figure out how to buy a house with their own brains, resilience or work. I’m going to do it for them. The difficulty of the easiest period to be alive in world history is just too much for them. I also bought them a automatic wiping toilet.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the rich people I know had parents (or a trust fund) that helped them buy their first property. I would just make sure that you can help all of your children equitably.

I wish my parents had thought this way but instead choose to hoard their money until death.

+1. My parents aren't wealthy (especially not DCUM wealthy) but they are comfortable and could easily have afforded to help with housing. If I'd been able to get into the housing market just a few years earlier, it would have meant tens of thousands (at least) more in equity, potential to move up, etc. Even if it had been contingent on repayment, it would have been such a huge help since I came out of undergrad and law school (without help from parents on either) with student loans.

If you can afford to help them, please do!

My parents are very comfortable but aren’t gifting money other than to reimburse for trips to see them. They are saving it in case it’s needed for long term care. What if they need 24/7 memory care for each of them for 10 years?

My MIL needs 24/7 care now for Alzheimer’s. They planned everything. He retired early about 35 years ago. They were able to pay college tuitions of children and grandchildren and buy houses for children and grandchildren. The grandkids all have trust funds for activities and anything they needed growing up. They never bought fancy cars or redecorated their home every two years. No spending money on status things. They are just super smart when it comes to money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I want to help DS to purchase his first townhouse, around 1M, but we want DS to have skin in the game. DS has lived at home with us for three years and saved up 95% of his annual salary, after taxes, for the past three years with about 240K in his account. When he officially moved out two months ago, we gave him 600K for his 1M home purchase down payment. IMHO, that is the right approach.

Are you a troll? No one needs a million dollar house as their first home.

In the end the children know deep inside they never did anything on their own and know they are weak lightweights.

Not really, you are just jealous

Plenty of kids lead very successful lives and do great things at their jobs and still have wealthy parents who "help out". If parent is worth millions and set for retirement, why wouldn't you give your kids whatever is reasonable to you for a downpayment? Can't take it with you and it helps them much more now than when they are 50/60 and you are dead

Yes. All great men and women of history including Christ himself had parents that bought them a house at 25 plus years of age to ease them into the harshness of shelter procurement.

[Anonymous]

The definition of “Adult Children” is giving them money. An impediment for them to ever be men of substance or consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I want to help DS to purchase his first townhouse, around 1M, but we want DS to have skin in the game. DS has lived at home with us for three years and saved up 95% of his annual salary, after taxes, for the past three years with about 240K in his account. When he officially moved out two months ago, we gave him 600K for his 1M home purchase down payment. IMHO, that is the right approach.

Are you a troll? No one needs a million dollar house as their first home.

In the end the children know deep inside they never did anything on their own and know they are weak lightweights.

Not really, you are just jealous

Plenty of kids lead very successful lives and do great things at their jobs and still have wealthy parents who "help out". If parent is worth millions and set for retirement, why wouldn't you give your kids whatever is reasonable to you for a downpayment? Can't take it with you and it helps them much more now than when they are 50/60 and you are dead

Yes. All great men and women of history including Christ himself had parents that bought them a house at 25 plus years of age to ease them into the harshness of shelter procurement.

Idiot

Fact is, not all kids of well off parents are like Paris Hilton or the Kardasians. Many actually work hard to achieve things (like Gates oldest daughter---you don't survive Stanford and get into NYU med school if you are not smart and a hard worker you simply don't---medical schools do not admit rich kids who don't have the resume).

So take that down a few levels to the DCUM parent worth 10M+, they most likely raised their kids to be independent hard working people. They just give them a leg up on life, with college paid for, first cars paid for and a huge downpayemtn for their first home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I want to help DS to purchase his first townhouse, around 1M, but we want DS to have skin in the game. DS has lived at home with us for three years and saved up 95% of his annual salary, after taxes, for the past three years with about 240K in his account. When he officially moved out two months ago, we gave him 600K for his 1M home purchase down payment. IMHO, that is the right approach.

Are you a troll? No one needs a million dollar house as their first home.

In the end the children know deep inside they never did anything on their own and know they are weak lightweights.

Not really, you are just jealous

Plenty of kids lead very successful lives and do great things at their jobs and still have wealthy parents who "help out". If parent is worth millions and set for retirement, why wouldn't you give your kids whatever is reasonable to you for a downpayment? Can't take it with you and it helps them much more now than when they are 50/60 and you are dead

Yes. All great men and women of history including Christ himself had parents that bought them a house at 25 plus years of age to ease them into the harshness of shelter procurement.

Idiot

Fact is, not all kids of well off parents are like Paris Hilton or the Kardasians. Many actually work hard to achieve things (like Gates oldest daughter---you don't survive Stanford and get into NYU med school if you are not smart and a hard worker you simply don't---medical schools do not admit rich kids who don't have the resume).

So take that down a few levels to the DCUM parent worth 10M+, they most likely raised their kids to be independent hard working people. They just give them a leg up on life, with college paid for, first cars paid for and a huge downpayemtn for their first home.

Looooosers.

[Anonymous]

The name calling posters embarrasses themselves. Crass jealousy is not a good look. Please stop.
Every parent regardless of their income status just wants their children to be happy and safe. Why wouldn’t parents who can well afford to help their adult children (and grandchildren) live in a better neighborhood, not do so? If the children are good hardworking productive people and the parents have more money than they will ever need, why not help them out now when they can use the extra money verses later? As another poster said, you can’t take it with you.
It’s a “first world problem” of balance between helping and not spoiling and taking away from their sense of purpose and true ownership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The name calling posters embarrasses themselves. Crass jealousy is not a good look. Please stop.
Every parent regardless of their income status just wants their children to be happy and safe. Why wouldn’t parents who can well afford to help their adult children (and grandchildren) live in a better neighborhood, not do so? If the children are good hardworking productive people and the parents have more money than they will ever need, why not help them out now when they can use the extra money verses later? As another poster said, you can’t take it with you.
It’s a “first world problem” of balance between helping and not spoiling and taking away from their sense of purpose and true ownership.

+1000

Those that don't understand what you posted are quite simply jealous of what others have and it's not a good look. We all want to do the best for our kids with what we have. And yes, "you can't take it with you" so for most charity starts at home with the family

[Anonymous]

I am envious, although not resentful, of people whose parents (are able to, and) choose to do this for their kids. Talk about a leg up!

[Anonymous]

As long as the kid is responsible and on a trajectory to take care of themselves. I used a small inheritance to afford more house than I could at the time, but knew we would be able to afford it in our own even after that money was gone. Best decision ever, and we got into a great neighborhood at the right time. If we were slackers that money would have been blown through pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my college education and I was grateful.
But I honestly wouldn’t have *wanted* my parents paying for my adult home….and it was never on the table despite my parents’ wealth and ability to do so.
I recognize times are different now in home buying but maybe different times (like with remote work etc) call for different strategies in figuring out where and how to live. Part of being an adult is being self sufficient and figuring things out for yourself. Maybe doing the “best for our kids” is realizing they are not kids and don’t need their parents to solve all their problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for my college education and I was grateful.
But I honestly wouldn’t have *wanted* my parents paying for my adult home….and it was never on the table despite my parents’ wealth and ability to do so.
I recognize times are different now in home buying but maybe different times (like with remote work etc) call for different strategies in figuring out where and how to live. Part of being an adult is being self sufficient and figuring things out for yourself. Maybe doing the “best for our kids” is realizing they are not kids and don’t need their parents to solve all their problems.

Children who still need mommy and daddy to procure shelter are not adults in a full measure. Deep inside they know their weakness and that they don’t measure up to life hardened leaders or even their own parents. But that’s ok because even though this is the easiest time to be alive in world history many people cannot possibly achieve their dreams on their own due to a wide array of shortcomings / handicaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The name calling posters embarrasses themselves. Crass jealousy is not a good look. Please stop.
Every parent regardless of their income status just wants their children to be happy and safe. Why wouldn’t parents who can well afford to help their adult children (and grandchildren) live in a better neighborhood, not do so? If the children are good hardworking productive people and the parents have more money than they will ever need, why not help them out now when they can use the extra money verses later? As another poster said, you can’t take it with you.
It’s a “first world problem” of balance between helping and not spoiling and taking away from their sense of purpose and true ownership.

+1000

Those that don't understand what you posted are quite simply jealous of what others have and it's not a good look. We all want to do the best for our kids with what we have. And yes, "you can't take it with you" so for most charity starts at home with the family

NP - If parents can afford to help, have at it. I'd love to be able to do that for our kids, but not sure we'll be able to, since we've had no help.

But please, FFS, understand what an advantage it is to have family give you hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy a home. Appreciate that, be grateful, and then maybe have some humility about the situation. Of course people are envious of such a gift - who wouldn't be? I am. I simultaneously wish we'd had more help, am proud of what we've accomplished, and don't hold others' good fortune against them. As long as no one's minimizing or denying the help they received, it's cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am envious, although not resentful, of people whose parents (are able to, and) choose to do this for their kids. Talk about a leg up!

we work to ensure our kids recognized this "leg up" they have and to make sure they appreciate it and realize it's a privilege