My sister is having her best friend be called aunt

[Anonymous]

To those saying it's a big deal because she isn't related they have been friends practically their whole lives it's not like they been friends 5 minutes. Super close friends can be family after such a long time. Blood doesn't determine closeness. Also if they been friends since 3rd grade that means they were 8 or 9 when they meant chances are the sister has known her friend probably as long as her sister has been around. Y'all are acting like this is some friend of a year she wants to bestow this title on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 almost 29 years old with 2 older sisters. My oldest sister has 2 children of her own and my other sister is pregnant with her first. In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle. My sister's very best friend she has since 3rd grade she is going to have her child call her aunt. I am a little hurt by this because I feel like it takes away and waters down the people who are actually the child's aunt. I addressed this with my sister and she said I'm being ridiculous as it's not like she is having every friend be called aunt and it's just her very best friend that she has been friends with for 20+ years. It's still a friend and not an aunt.

Am I being irrational?

When I was growing up I must have had 50 aunt's and uncles. You are being ridiculous. Also, jealousy is not an attractive trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m white and never did this and no one in my family did either.

Don’t GAF. My kids call my best friend “aunt”. I made her their godmother too. I think my SIL is offended, especially because my kids mix up their names and call her by my friend’s name. Oh well, love is like a pie and it expands. I’m grateful to have a friend who loves my kids like her own. Or at least like nieces and nephews.

My kids have asked if her kids could be their cousins. They don’t have any cousins and they’re sad about it. I said no, but they could be best friends. Cousins isn’t an honorific like aunt or uncle is.

At that point what do you care if they call them cousins? You guys are all super close and they don't have any cousins so what skin is it off your back and what does it hurt if they refer to them as cousins.

[Anonymous]

Dear god I wish my life was so simplistic that this was my worst problem, or even in the top ten

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that calling someone who is unrelated Auntie is confusing to kids understanding of family. Do you introduce these women friends as sisters?

Dude relax they have been friends practically their whole lives. Probably as long as the sisters have been sisters or close to it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those saying it's a big deal because she isn't related they have been friends practically their whole lives it's not like they been friends 5 minutes. Super close friends can be family after such a long time. Blood doesn't determine closeness. Also if they been friends since 3rd grade that means they were 8 or 9 when they meant chances are the sister has known her friend probably as long as her sister has been around. Y'all are acting like this is some friend of a year she wants to bestow this title on

Are you reading the same thread i am? Almost everyone says it’s fine; many do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

To those saying it's wrong or the baby will be confused even if that's true ITS NOT THE SISTER'S BABY SO ITS NOT HER PLACE.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

What?! No she can't object to it it's not her child and literally none of her business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the culture you came from. Not the culture your sister wants to raise her child in. Things change.

+1. Your sister lives in the United States, and may feel drawn toward other cultures where the terms aunt and uncle are used more freely. This is very common among my Korean and Chinese friends, as well as many of my friends from the South.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

What?! No she can't object to it it's not her child and literally none of her business

What?! No obviously she CAN object to it because she is objecting to it. Try reading the thread again. She is objecting. It already happened.

It's just that when she makes that objection known, she's being inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 almost 29 years old with 2 older sisters. My oldest sister has 2 children of her own and my other sister is pregnant with her first. In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle. My sister's very best friend she has since 3rd grade she is going to have her child call her aunt. I am a little hurt by this because I feel like it takes away and waters down the people who are actually the child's aunt. I addressed this with my sister and she said I'm being ridiculous as it's not like she is having every friend be called aunt and it's just her very best friend that she has been friends with for 20+ years. It's still a friend and not an aunt.

Am I being irrational?

You are allowed to have your feelings. And it makes sense the way you described it that you would feel this way. However, I don’t think it undermines your role even slightly. I think you’ll come to see this as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

What?! No she can't object to it it's not her child and literally none of her business

What?! No obviously she CAN object to it because she is objecting to it. Try reading the thread again. She is objecting. It already happened.

It's just that when she makes that objection known, she's being inappropriate.

Don't be obtuse. You know what I mean. I don't mean in the literal sense of she can't object to it of course she CAN literally speaking. But it would make her sound nuts and be completely out of line for her to tell another parent what their child can and cannot call other people.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

The only thing she has the right to object to is if it's her child and the other parent wants her child to call another person something she doesn't want her OWN child to call someone. But no she doesn't get to call dibs or make choices for another parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

[Anonymous]

I think you were being pretty obtuse about what I meant in my post, but whatever. We aren't in disagreement.

What her nieces and nephews call other people isn't a reflection on her, and it's not under her purview. That's a parenting concern. Leave it to the parents and cultivate the relationship she wants to have with the children. The other chips will fall where they may, and it won't be about her, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 almost 29 years old with 2 older sisters. My oldest sister has 2 children of her own and my other sister is pregnant with her first. In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle. My sister's very best friend she has since 3rd grade she is going to have her child call her aunt. I am a little hurt by this because I feel like it takes away and waters down the people who are actually the child's aunt. I addressed this with my sister and she said I'm being ridiculous as it's not like she is having every friend be called aunt and it's just her very best friend that she has been friends with for 20+ years. It's still a friend and not an aunt.

Am I being irrational?

You are allowed to have your feelings. And it makes sense the way you described it that you would feel this way. However, I don’t think it undermines your role even slightly. I think you’ll come to see this as time goes on.

Disagree because as I said up above. Also how does a very very best friend that you had practically since you were in diapers water down your title. A best friend of a lifetime is a very important role too and should be honored. I could understand OP's point if every single friend or acquaintance she ever came across was called aunt but it's literally one friend a friend that has been in her life probably almost as long as OP her sister has been alive.

Not to mention it's not her business at all or her place at all to determine what type of relationship another parent has with her child.


The only thing she has the right to object to is if it's her child and the other parent wants her child to call another person something she doesn't want her OWN child to call someone. But no she doesn't get to call dibs or make choices for another parent.