My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Kids are only entitled to room , board, tuition expense for 4 yrs in in state public college. That is all. They are not entitled to anything that their parents do not want to give them.

A trip is a reward. Neither the mother, nor the kids are deserving of a reward.

It doesn’t sound like his daughter is getting this because she’s “deserving”.

Kids are people. Raising three daughters as less-than their stepsister without taking steps to make sure they get similar if not equivalent experiences is setting up a lifetime of resentment, and the mother is probably aware of this. Hope OPs daughter is planning to take care of her dad and step mother in their old age because I foresee a lot of missed holidays and visits from the daughters being left behind.

You sound nuts. They don't have to try and level up the three stepkids with the daughter because the uncle has resources that he wants to spend on her. They get what they get and they don't get upset.

[Anonymous]

I could tell from the wording of the thread title that this was fake, but the Reddit-style listing of ages and genders was the real tell

[Anonymous]

I am surprised this didn’t come up previously since you have been together for seven years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we women want to be seen as big and tough and assertive and independent people, then we cannot hide behind our man when words are said to us. Men don't hide behind other men, after all. They stand up for themselves, by themselves. If women want to be like men, then we need to stand up for ourselves without our man stepping in. We need to speak for ourselves. It is not up to a man to do it for us anymore, right?

Don't start none won't be none

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your wife stew in her anger for awhile. Sleep in another room if you have to. Be polite and considerate but don't reach out to your brother. He did nothing wrong. He simply hit the ball that was placed in his court.

If she decides to leave you over this, so be it. After all, how is it going to go for the rest of your lives? I imagine that her girls aren't going to get the same financial support for college that your daughter will. After all, paying for three is much different than paying for one (and you and I both know that your brother will do what he wants to do to send your daughter to a great school). Is every Christmas going to have to be "separate but equal"? It's ridiculous.

Presumably, your wife married you because she loves you and your daughter. But it's kind of looking like she wanted someone to support HER kids vs. simply providing a warm family unit in concert with the other family those girls already have.Good luck, OP. Whether she decides to go or stay, you'll need it!

What? I don’t think you know this at all. A trip is very different from bankrolling someone else’s child’s college education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“ your brother is 100% correct that your wife was insane to ask for this. However, his response even if totally honest and in the nose, was gratuitously harsh and not conducive to family harmony or respectful of your new spouse, family or situation. Your wife totally got what she deserved. But, your brother by disrespecting your wife also disrespected your family and that is not okay. You should say something to him to the effect of, I agree that her request is inappropriate but so was your reply.”

His response was not gratuitously harsh - she tried to bully him into spending thousands of dollars on her awful brats. She is the one who destroyed family harmony by making unreasonable demands, and I have no doubt she did so in an obnoxious way.

In any case the bridge she burned is not going to get rebuilt.

+1. But has anyone looked on reddit to see if this is a copy paste from there. This is so troll-y.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is a complete basketcase. It doesn't sound like she has a good relationship w/your brother and sister-in-law, or even know them at all, yet she's ready to ship her kids off with virtual strangers. Very weird. Your brother owes her kids nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Kids are only entitled to room , board, tuition expense for 4 yrs in in state public college. That is all. They are not entitled to anything that their parents do not want to give them.

A trip is a reward. Neither the mother, nor the kids are deserving of a reward.

Eh eh eh. Kids are not entitled to tuition expense for 4 yrs in a state public college. Your obligation ends at 18, if you choose to foot the bill, that's your business, but entitled? Nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother was incredibly hurtful, OP. You should tell him to never talk to your wife and YOUR kids like that ever again.

I know your wife provoked him, but she was addressing a specific situation, with a specific request. It did not warrant a generalized hate comment. The two are entirely different beasts. Your wife was annoying in the moment. Your brother was incredibly hateful, in a permanent way.

Your wife has some hope of growing and maturing. Your brother does not. I strongly disagree with all the posters who think this is gotcha moment for your wife. I would NEVER respond like that to an annoying SIL, particularly not vis-a-vis kids. He crossed a line, and your job is to let him know that.

(Now separately, I would be mad at your wife too, for failing to understand the dynamics of a blended family.)

It's a problem with him telling her he doesn't like her or her kids? I think honesty is the best policy. Might as well clear the air so there are no misunderstandings going forward.

[Anonymous]

Your brother is excessively rude, but your wife is nuts. Your brother should apologize for telling her he doesn't like her or her kids, but stand firm on the trip. It's entirely appropriate for him to say this is something special he does with his niece, end of story. And you need to stand up for your daughter's right to go on the trip with her step siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life changing experiences…

In what way? Molding spoiled brats?

You’re all ridiculous and deserve each other.

Totally agree. They all sound insufferable. I feel like it must be a troll.

+100 What a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Uhmm…of course you are a father figure to your three teenage stepdaughters who live with you half of the time. That’s not a thing that you can just opt out of. You are just a cold and distant father who doesn’t like them very much.

Best case scenario, they realize this relationship between you and their mother is terrible, they don’t like you, and they don’t come around.
More likely, though, they will grow up thinking this is how they deserve to be treated and that it’s reasonable for important men in their lives to be kind of distant and unempathic and not really love them or take care of them. 100 bucks says that at least one of them cuts.

If you really took the time to understand where your wife was coming from, and you otherwise treated her and your stepdaughters with love and kindness, then the fact that your brother didn’t take them on vacation wouldn’t be a big deal. It’s only a big deal because you don’t love them, don’t really even care to try, and this is an obvious proxy for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could tell from the wording of the thread title that this was fake, but the Reddit-style listing of ages and genders was the real tell

May be OP wanted advice but to protect his family's privacy for obvious reasons so changed story and characters a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound a little nuts. If you blend a family with teenagers, you need to be very sensitive to their feelings. Were the stepdaughters wrong to throw a tantrum? Yes, BUT - it’s human nature to feel jealous when a step sibling is given something so extravagant. I would have told brother and SIL that while the kids are all living under the same roof, there will be NO extravagant gifts for your daughter. When she is an adult and out of your house, fine - but not until then.

You are Married! Your step kids are part of your family. There should be no yours/mine/ours. Have some sensitivity.

Was the wife wrong to confront BIL? Yes.

So much wrongness to go around!

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I would never be in a relationship with step kids involved. I am not putting my kids through this chaos.

I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

But I know few people will. So my kids would never be in that scenario. Their home will always be their sanctuary, and anyone who does not like them is not welcome here.

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

There are way too many single parents these days that you have to be elite in the dating market to be able to get people without baggage