Father not involved in child’s life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

I'm a woman and I can see that there's nothing confusing about it at all. He is loving and involved with his older kids because he wanted them. He's not loving and involved with your friends kid because he didn't want a kid with someone that he'd known briefly. And that's likely never going to change.

Your friend can get child support, but that's all she's getting from him. She needs to assemble her village with her own family and friends. She made a choice to be a single parent and now she, unfortunately for the kid, will have to be just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

Because child support is for the child, not the mother.

Anyway, I would keep the door open for this guy. I do think men easily compartmentalize, which is why the fact that he is a good dad to his other kids is meaningless, except to show that he’s not some monster. But I wouldn’t put that much effort into it.

With a man like this their commitment to the child hinges on their commitment to the mother. Guarantee you it was his wife who filed and he didn’t want the divorce. Men are not like women and fewer of them will commit to a child whose mother they are not in a relationship with.

NP and he clearly didn't want the child. It's incredibly unrealistic to expect him to be involved with a child he didn't want.

And it’s immoral not to be a father to the life you created.

I don't agree with that. He has to pay because as a taxpayer I don't want to be stuck paying for all these kids but that's the end of the obligation for a situation like this one.

Fathers not stepping up creates more hardships for society than just financial.

Children and society suffer the consequences of all kinds of stupid choices that people make, that's just how it goes. Sucks for the kid but this is the choice the mother made.

You forgot to mention the choice the father made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

and declines abortion

Yes. He makes the decision at the time of unprotected sex. She makes the decision then and again past the until abortion deadline. It’s not equal. That’s just the way it is bc abortion is legal and she is the one carrying the pregnancy and facing the health consequences of pregnancy and childbirth.

I get that abortion decision making rights shouldn't be equal because it only involves one party's body but if an accident happens with a condom and woman wasn't truthful about her birth control and wants to trap the guy with a baby, is it fair to punish him?

It’s not punishment to understand that you can inseminate a woman even if you are practicing birth control. It happens. Be a man and step up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's friend is probably young and naive and signed up for more than she can chew.

Op too sounds young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Life lesson here:

Men’s feelings about their children reflect how they feel about the mother. He loved his ex-wife at some point. They probably agreed to have kids or he at least knew at some point during his marriage they would have kids. This was not the case with your friend. He was clear about his preference, and she ignored that, and is facing the consequences.

He is not loving toward this child because he didn’t want him, and had no real feelings toward your friend.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

She should sue for child support, she will get a lot if he really doesn’t want anything to do with the kid, or she will get less and he’ll have something to do with the kid. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

and declines abortion

Yes. He makes the decision at the time of unprotected sex. She makes the decision then and again past the until abortion deadline. It’s not equal. That’s just the way it is bc abortion is legal and she is the one carrying the pregnancy and facing the health consequences of pregnancy and childbirth.

I get that abortion decision making rights shouldn't be equal because it only involves one party's body but if an accident happens with a condom and woman wasn't truthful about her birth control and wants to trap the guy with a baby, is it fair to punish him?

He had a choice to abstain or get a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

Yes if he’s having sex. He is allowed to abstain from sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

Be a men and step up? How sexist for holding man responsible for woman who is trying to take advantage.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

and declines abortion

Yes. He makes the decision at the time of unprotected sex. She makes the decision then and again past the until abortion deadline. It’s not equal. That’s just the way it is bc abortion is legal and she is the one carrying the pregnancy and facing the health consequences of pregnancy and childbirth.

I get that abortion decision making rights shouldn't be equal because it only involves one party's body but if an accident happens with a condom and woman wasn't truthful about her birth control and wants to trap the guy with a baby, is it fair to punish him?

It’s not punishment to understand that you can inseminate a woman even if you are practicing birth control. It happens. Be a man and step up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

and declines abortion

Yes. He makes the decision at the time of unprotected sex. She makes the decision then and again past the until abortion deadline. It’s not equal. That’s just the way it is bc abortion is legal and she is the one carrying the pregnancy and facing the health consequences of pregnancy and childbirth.

I get that abortion decision making rights shouldn't be equal because it only involves one party's body but if an accident happens with a condom and woman wasn't truthful about her birth control and wants to trap the guy with a baby, is it fair to punish him?

It’s not punishment to understand that you can inseminate a woman even if you are practicing birth control. It happens. Be a man and step up.

Be a man and step up for woman's wrongdoing? How sexist!

[Anonymous]

It seems like OP’s friend was looking for a baby daddy. She saw how great a dad he was to his existing children and imagined a fairy tale ending. OP- your friend needs to come to terms with the fact she’s a single mom by choice. She can go after child support from the sperm donor but it could backfire if he decides to go for joint custody. Something else to consider. Some women find it easier to have the man sign away any rights to the kid in exchange for no child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

Yes if he’s having sex. He is allowed to abstain from sex.

Absolutely correct and valid for her as well. More so for him as he was clearly older, legally still a husband and a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

Yes if he’s having sex. He is allowed to abstain from sex.

Yep.

She should get child support.

If something happens to her financially, should we( taxpayers) pay for that kid's care when the father is alive and well? Nope. His pleasure, his child, his responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

I'm a woman and I can see that there's nothing confusing about it at all. He is loving and involved with his older kids because he wanted them. He's not loving and involved with your friends kid because he didn't want a kid with someone that he'd known briefly. And that's likely never going to change.

Your friend can get child support, but that's all she's getting from him. She needs to assemble her village with her own family and friends. She made a choice to be a single parent and now she, unfortunately for the kid, will have to be just that.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?

Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

This isn’t right either. He made the decision to take financial responsibility when he made the decision to have unprotected sex. He doesn’t get to not pay child support. Sucks for his existing family but this is his doing too. If you don’t want a baby don’t have sex without protection.

Yes but why a man doesn't get any say in abortion? Just like theyshould be able to force women to carry children, they shouldn't be forced to be fathers to kids they didn't want? Just playing devil's advocate.

Because it isn’t their body. A wife doesn’t get any say in whether their husband has a vasectomy or a triple bypass. It’s his body. She can give her opinion but has no decision making right unless he is incapacitated and she is his legally designated proxy. This is a cornerstone of health care.

100% but should a man be held responsible for life long responsibilities and sponsoring if a woman who isn't a wife, wants to keep the child?

Yes if he’s having sex. He is allowed to abstain from sex.

Absolutely correct and valid for her as well. More so for him as he was clearly older, legally still a husband and a father.

She could have abstained but she’s taking responsibility (currently solely supporting the child) and he is not. He’s going to have to either step up or pay up.