Is this holding me back?

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm wondering if the reason I'm having trouble sticking to a weight loss plan is this: if I do lose weight, then people will comment on it and it will just reinforce the fact that I was (am) overweight which makes me feel uncomfortable. I went through a successful weight loss before I had kids and I remember when people commented about it it actually made me feel worse because it made me feel like I wasn't really attractive or worthy of praise until I lost the weight. The thought of getting to my goal weight makes me anxious, and I'm wondering if it's for this reason. Is this ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I have lost some weight recently but not enough that people are commenting. I'm down one pants size but still look mostly the same. I have about 6-8 more pounds to lose but I am not sure it will be noticeable.

I hope I don't hear comments even though people mean well. I was attractive before even if I wasn't everyone's cup of tea. I'm going to lose the weight for me and try to ignore everyone else. Our culture programs people to value thinness.

I am sure you look great at your current weight as well. Beauty is about more than weight.

[Anonymous]

It's not ridiculous. Basically what you're saying is that you don't want to confront how you other people see your excess weight.

You are not your extra pounds. You are not a number. You are a person who makes a choice with every meal and every snack. Everyday you choose to take actions that contribute to your health. When people compliment you, they are admiring your strength.

This sounds silly, but what held me back from getting really fit was my hair. I didn't want to mess it up and multiple work outs a day mean your hair never looks great. I decided to stop caring and now I'm fit AF and don't care about my hair. You got this.

[Anonymous]

I lost a bunch of weight and developed serious anger issues. I was shocked at how suddenly people, especially men, were so nice and treated me totally different. I also was amazed at the free stuff I got... free coffee, free drinks, etc. People are sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not ridiculous. Basically what you're saying is that you don't want to confront how you other people see your excess weight.

You are not your extra pounds. You are not a number. You are a person who makes a choice with every meal and every snack. Everyday you choose to take actions that contribute to your health. When people compliment you, they are admiring your strength.

This sounds silly, but what held me back from getting really fit was my hair. I didn't want to mess it up and multiple work outs a day mean your hair never looks great. I decided to stop caring and now I'm fit AF and don't care about my hair. You got this.

I think this is spot on. -OP

[Anonymous]

It is fear, and it is normal. But, you should think about what makes you happy, healthy and how to improve your self esteem. I was just told by my sister's MIL! whom I didn't see for a year, that I've rounded up( not exact translation) since the last time she saw me! As I was giving her a present of yummy dates. I was about to snatch those dates back. I weigh, in fact, 5 lbs less than last year. So, in other words, people can be nasty either way. Sister's MIL is very overweight and has at least 50lbs over me. I weight less than 120lbs. So, we all need to learn to let it bounce off of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm wondering if the reason I'm having trouble sticking to a weight loss plan is this: if I do lose weight, then people will comment on it and it will just reinforce the fact that I was (am) overweight which makes me feel uncomfortable. I went through a successful weight loss before I had kids and I remember when people commented about it it actually made me feel worse because it made me feel like I wasn't really attractive or worthy of praise until I lost the weight. The thought of getting to my goal weight makes me anxious, and I'm wondering if it's for this reason. Is this ridiculous?

I feel the same way and would never comment on someone's weight loss unless they brought it up. Try to find a way to deal with it so you can get where you want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm wondering if the reason I'm having trouble sticking to a weight loss plan is this: if I do lose weight, then people will comment on it and it will just reinforce the fact that I was (am) overweight which makes me feel uncomfortable. I went through a successful weight loss before I had kids and I remember when people commented about it it actually made me feel worse because it made me feel like I wasn't really attractive or worthy of praise until I lost the weight. The thought of getting to my goal weight makes me anxious, and I'm wondering if it's for this reason. Is this ridiculous?

I feel the same way and would never comment on someone's weight loss unless they brought it up. Try to find a way to deal with it so you can get where you want to be.

I also never comment on someone's weight loss. I remember when I lost the weight I felt so good and promised myself I would never let myself get to that weight again because clearly people were thinking I was fat the whole time because of all the compliments I got when I lost the weight (20 pounds approximately). Here I am exactly at my "before" weight again (although I've been here a long time). So I know even if I get down to a lower weight I won't trust that I'll be able to stay at that weight and I'll end up going through the whole process all over again. It also doesn't help that my son told me the other night that I'm fatter than Daddy and have a big tummy. -OP

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound ridiculous, it sounds self-aware.

Decide now how you will handle the comments. Spell out the scenarios, like this:

If someone says: "Wow, you look great", I'll say, "Thank you. How have you been?"
If someone says: "Have you lost weight?", I'll say, "I've been trying to get healthier. What's new with you?"
If someone says: "How'd you lose it?", I'll say "The details aren't that interesting. Are you doing anything fun this weekend?"
If someone continues to press me or question me about the weight loss, I'll respond with "Why do you ask?" or "That's a pretty personal question" or "Weight isn't something I really like to talk about" and I'll walk away from the conversation.