Why does a married woman look up an ex who is married years later?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are pushing 60. He and is girlfriend when they were 19-21 were each other's first everything. Like clockwork, every six or seven years she either contacts him or "makes herself known". Before this time, she messaged him on Facebook, wanted to connect, and he ignored her. Yesterday, we were on the couch watching TV when he was looking at LinkedIn and saw that she looked at his profile. She could have easily looked with the anonymous feature but I get the idea she wanted him to see that.

They dated 40 years ago and she dumped him for another guy when she was in college and is married with grown kids. Doing this probably gave DH an ego boost but I don't anticipate him declaring her his true love and running off (we live 1,000 miles from where he grew up). But this is ridiculous. Why the crap would she even care after so long about where he lives and what he is doing?

[Anonymous]

Um, I am assuming because she genuinely liked him and felt nostalgic. I wouldn't mind being in contact with one or two people that I dated long ago, even though I have no interest in being in a relationship with them or running off with them.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why this bothers you.

Regardless, she’s curious about him. People google others all the time. On LinkedIn you have to be signed in to see details about people. Maybe she wanted to see if his life turned out the way he planned when he was younger.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird. The only people I know who do this are unhappy with their marriages and lives, and have some weird fantasy about how life would be wonderful if only they had chosen the person they keep looking up. Nothing you can do, so as long as your DH isn’t engaging with her, I wouldn’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Why the crap are you so jealous? She obviously had/has deep feelings for him and thinks of him fondly. I've looked up exes just because they were connected to me and at one time we were very close. It's really no big deal. Everything is just a few keystrokes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird. The only people I know who do this are unhappy with their marriages and lives, and have some weird fantasy about how life would be wonderful if only they had chosen the person they keep looking up. Nothing you can do, so as long as your DH isn’t engaging with her, I wouldn’t worry about it.

I disagree. I am happily married but I look up my exes every once in a while. However, I will never do it in a manner that will make them aware- I do not want any of them thinking that I am interested even in a platonic relationship.

I get bored and curious. But there are no feelings and no regrets-none of my exes were a good match for me. My husband is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Ha! This hits close to home - I looked up an ex from a long time ago on LinkedIn a few days ago. The precipitating event was that my 10 year old son asked me if I had ever visited the Grand Canyon - I did with this ex, but we ate something bad the day before and both got terrible diarrhea there, so not the best visit. Retelling the story to DS brought back fond memories of the event (which was truly funny in a horrible way), and I decided to look the guy up. No desire to be in a relationship with him or dissatisfaction with DH, just old memories of a funny event!

[Anonymous]

First love is hard to shake.

[Anonymous]

I look people up. Usually FB suggests we become friends or I see they commented on a mutual friend’s page - and I think, oh I wonder what so and so is up to these day! And I take to google. I do HOPE I am browsing LinkedIn anonymously. At least *I* am - I can’t see who has viewed my page bc I have it set to anonymous but I never know if other people can pay and still see me creeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the crap are you so jealous? She obviously had/has deep feelings for him and thinks of him fondly. I've looked up exes just because they were connected to me and at one time we were very close. It's really no big deal. Everything is just a few keystrokes away.

OP: Jealous isn't the correct word. DH has never since the day we met expressed any nostalgia for her and in the brief times she came up when we were first dating seemed almost embarrassed that she dumped him. It's forty years and he has pretty much forgotten that she exists.

[Anonymous]

He was in her life. People who cared once continue to care, still a little. Enough to look someone up twice a decade, or so. Geez Op, you sound shallow.

[Anonymous]

Why do people go to their high school or college reunions? Same reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people go to their high school or college reunions? Same reason.

I thought it was to see how badly the king of the jocks and queen of the mean girls wound up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why this bothers you.

Regardless, she’s curious about him. People google others all the time. On LinkedIn you have to be signed in to see details about people. Maybe she wanted to see if his life turned out the way he planned when he was younger.

+1
I don't see what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

I look up my ex occasionally. We were in love, and a part of me will always care about her. That doesn’t mean I want a relationship with her today, but am curious what she’s doing.