How to help my 65 yr old widower dad find a social life?

[Anonymous]

My mom died a couple years ago. My dad is finally ready to start working on his social life. He works a lot (professionally successful). He’s a smart guy who tries to do the right thing in any situation, just basically a solid, somewhat understated person, and I don’t want him to be lonely forever. He’s not affiliated with a church. Where else can I suggest he try to meet new people? Is there a DC area group for professionals in his situation? I don’t think he’ll go for online dating and he’ll definitely be looking for a bright person of substance. Thanks for any suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Is he ready to meet someone OP? He may still be mourning. If he is ready, he could meet women anywhere -- Starbucks, health club, book club, walking in the neighborhood, traveling with a group, going to a bar, restaurant or conference. He could also easily meet someone at work. Men are lucky...they can just go anywhere and meet women. Women have to wait.

[Anonymous]

Does he have any hobbies or interests outside of work? Does he want to start volunteering for something? There are a ton of meet-up groups in the area. He could just pick one or two to try out and see what he enjoys. Or he could take a class in something he's interested in. My parents have really enjoyed auditing classes at Princeton (they live nearby). It's not expensive, gets them thinking about new things, and meeting new people. There are tons of ways to connect these days. An alumni club, a professional organization, mentoring...

[Anonymous]

Does he belong to a gym?

Or volunteer locally?

Both are great ways to meet people!

[Anonymous]

Does he have friends? I think the first step would be mentioning to his friends that he's ready to date. I bet they can help rustle up a date or two (or even, a group dinner where he can meet someone else single).

But I'd work on encouraging him to date online. It's really the best way to meet people. You just have to be willing to be patient and not get discouraged after a bad date or two.

[Anonymous]

Would he ever learn to dance? SO many older singles dance clubs in this area.

[froggymom]

Here are a few places he might try:

Book Clubs
Gardening Clubs
Adult Education Classes

[Anonymous]

I recommend a book club. I'm in one affiliated with my alma mater, and there are members ranging from age 21 to 75 (I'm 45). It's been a great way to meet some new people.

[Anonymous]

My Dad is a very good athlete but always played golf and tennis at muni clubs where the only people he knew were the ones he played with. I got him to join a country club and while it was mostly couples it created a network of people who knew single women his age. Very quickly he developed a very active social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he ready to meet someone OP? He may still be mourning. If he is ready, he could meet women anywhere -- Starbucks, health club, book club, walking in the neighborhood, traveling with a group, going to a bar, restaurant or conference. He could also easily meet someone at work. Men are lucky...they can just go anywhere and meet women. Women have to wait.

He says he’s ready. He’s mentioned a few times that all he does is work but that he doesn’t know how to change that. I’m sure he is still in mourning but he also seems asking for help with finding new connections (friend or otherwise). I think he’s tried a couple dates through friends and been discouraged. Ideally he’d find a good group of intellectual types that socialize regularly locally. Maybe I’ll look around Mert Up for him - I didn’t know if that was popular in his age group. I’ll also check out the alumni club idea. Thanks everyone for the ideas.

[Anonymous]

Libraries also have book clubs. Smithsonian Associates classes might be a place to meet people. What else does he like to do? There are hiking and kayaking and cycling groups that meet during the weekdays that include lots of retired folks. Honestly, even if he's not affiliated with a church, he might find volunteer and educational activities connected with a church would be a good way to meet people his age. Unitarian churches offer a big tent approach.

[Anonymous]

Does he have any hobbies or sports he enjoys (or would like to explore)? Either joining a club associated with his hobby or find a way to volunteer (eg a family friend always volunteers as a marshall at big golf tournaments).

Other volunteer opportunities with non-profits or political causes or campaigns he might be interested in helping. If he is a big donor, they are even more proactive about helping find the right volunteer place. Or find a regular non-profit that he likes and get involved as a volunteer or even potentially as a board member.

Georgetown Library offers a well-regarded book club program - maybe check out libraries near him. Also Politics and Prose offers a ton of book clubs and speakers. Find speaker series that offer receptions - more time to mingle and talk with people.

Get a Smithsonian catalogue - it's amazing the classes, speakers and trips that they offer.

Take a trip with "Road Scholar" - used to be called Elder Hostel but they organize amazing trips for mature adults.

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry about your mom.

Is he a young 65-year-old, or an older type 65-year-old? You know what I mean?

If he's young and active, then I think he should be open to dating a little bit younger (50-60ish). She'll keep him young. He'll find her at social events with his friends, book parties, art openings, through social networking, or dating apps. I'm 48 (though married) and if I were single I'd definitely date a 65-year-old who was youngish, intellectual, funny, loyal, but in mourning of his wife. I imagine a lot of women would be respectful of his life situation while having a fun slow-moving relationship, even if it's just platonic. You know? Lots of people are lonely and want good company.