Kid wants public HS, we want private (but I'm wavering)

[Anonymous]

I am sure this is not a 'new' topic but I must be using the wrong search terms for this forum. Both of our kids went to public elementary and we always planned to send them to private HS. Our public HS is Sherwood - so arguably fine academically, but not like a W school-- and we do hear a lot from around the neighborhood about some of the social and drug issues with Sherwood. Our oldest is at SJC and she loves it, although initially she was not sure that private HS was a good choice. We thought it was, both socially and academically, so we did exert some pressure to convince her of this, and fortunately it all worked out better than I could have hoped. Our younger son sees the handwriting on the wall and has started telling me that he does not want to go to private HS, whether at his sister's school or any other. His arguments are pretty good -- he has explained how he is more motivated and a better independent worker than his older sister (true); unlike her, he is in honors/advanced courses so those are the classes he would take in public HS (true) and thus he would not be in classes with the "bad" kids at Sherwood (not sure this is true); all his friends are going to public (true); and he is more likely to play soccer at Sherwood (he does play travel but no idea whether this is accurate, depends on the school, right?). We in general are a family where parents make the decisions, not the kids, although the kids' input is considered, so this should be easy! However, I am wavering a bit as this is a big decision, he raises good points, and I do think kids should be treated according to their particular needs and that a global "only private HS" approach is not accomplishing this end. Plus, maybe we could convince him that private HS is a good fit for him, like we did his sister, but he is stubborn so maybe we won't be able to...and I really don't want to try to force him to go to a school to which he adamantly objects. He is in 7th grade so we have some time to think about this as he won't be shadowing etc. until fall. Does anyone who has been through something similar have advice?

[Anonymous]

Your son has thought about it and given you solid reasons that he wants public. I would let him go. You can always switch it later.

My best friend insisted her son go to private when he wanted to go to public and it was a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Save your money. Public is better than SJC. Private is only worth it when it is elite.

[Anonymous]

Looking back, both our kids could have really benefited from private. Our youngest is at one now and it is perfect for him. He has extenuating circumstances and ended up in private by random luck in many ways. However it has been awesome.

Our kids were also in the honors track but over in FCPS. There are plenty of not so great kids in honors and a few in private too but definitely less. As far as class rigor, our youngest said the regular classes in private are more challenging than the honors in public and this is not a top 3 school. Most privates have AP offerings too so there is plenty of rigor.

If you're on the fence, I would let him know that you hear what he's saying but that you would really like him to pick up to 3-4 schools to visit/shadow early next fall (figure out your willingness to drive/bus stops etc before he selects). Ask him to have an open mind and to remember that in private there are many new kids arriving in 9th so it's not like everyone has already been together forever. See if he can visit some honors level classes so he can see what they're teaching. Have him look at their course catalogs and see what interests him.

Then ask him to apply to a few and see what happens and to again keep an open mind and do all the visits etc if he gets accepted - maybe it will all be clearer to you both once it's all said and done. Good luck! He sounds like a good, smart kid who will thrive wherever he lands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son has thought about it and given you solid reasons that he wants public. I would let him go. You can always switch it later.

My best friend insisted her son go to private when he wanted to go to public and it was a disaster.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Save your money. Public is better than SJC. Private is only worth it when it is elite.

This is bad advice. Private isn't just for really academically advanced students. My daughter has ADHD, and her private (which is by no means "elite" - whatever that really means) was a much better option for her situation - smaller classes, more attentive teachers, more ways to participate in sports and clubs, wouldn't fly under the radar, etc. Our local public would have never offered these benefits. For us, it was worth the expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Save your money. Public is better than SJC. Private is only worth it when it is elite.

This is bad advice. Private isn't just for really academically advanced students. My daughter has ADHD, and her private (which is by no means "elite" - whatever that really means) was a much better option for her situation - smaller classes, more attentive teachers, more ways to participate in sports and clubs, wouldn't fly under the radar, etc. Our local public would have never offered these benefits. For us, it was worth the expense.

I like your comment, but the PP is just some idiot SJC basher from another thread trying to get people riled up. Irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, both our kids could have really benefited from private. Our youngest is at one now and it is perfect for him. He has extenuating circumstances and ended up in private by random luck in many ways. However it has been awesome.

Our kids were also in the honors track but over in FCPS. There are plenty of not so great kids in honors and a few in private too but definitely less. As far as class rigor, our youngest said the regular classes in private are more challenging than the honors in public and this is not a top 3 school. Most privates have AP offerings too so there is plenty of rigor.

If you're on the fence, I would let him know that you hear what he's saying but that you would really like him to pick up to 3-4 schools to visit/shadow early next fall (figure out your willingness to drive/bus stops etc before he selects). Ask him to have an open mind and to remember that in private there are many new kids arriving in 9th so it's not like everyone has already been together forever. See if he can visit some honors level classes so he can see what they're teaching. Have him look at their course catalogs and see what interests him.

Then ask him to apply to a few and see what happens and to again keep an open mind and do all the visits etc if he gets accepted - maybe it will all be clearer to you both once it's all said and done. Good luck! He sounds like a good, smart kid who will thrive wherever he lands.

I don't think I'd make him apply. It's fine to ask him to visit a couple of schools and ask him to keep an open mind, but if he really doesn't want to go to private high school and his reasons are solid, I would defer. It's a lot of money to spend to send your kid to a school they don't want to go to, when the alternative is actually not awful.

[Anonymous]

At the middle and high school level I let my kids make the decisions about their schooling. You can't "make" a kid study for and take the SSAT. You can't "make" them interview well and write essays. Unless your public option is horrible, I would let your kids make this decision.
I have twins: one applying to an elite private, one gung-ho about going to Wilson High School in DC. I know a half dozen parents with kids in DCPS high school and private high school, several of them twins. Everyone is happy and doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure this is not a 'new' topic but I must be using the wrong search terms for this forum. Both of our kids went to public elementary and we always planned to send them to private HS. Our public HS is Sherwood - so arguably fine academically, but not like a W school-- and we do hear a lot from around the neighborhood about some of the social and drug issues with Sherwood. Our oldest is at SJC and she loves it, although initially she was not sure that private HS was a good choice. We thought it was, both socially and academically, so we did exert some pressure to convince her of this, and fortunately it all worked out better than I could have hoped. Our younger son sees the handwriting on the wall and has started telling me that he does not want to go to private HS, whether at his sister's school or any other. His arguments are pretty good -- he has explained how he is more motivated and a better independent worker than his older sister (true); unlike her, he is in honors/advanced courses so those are the classes he would take in public HS (true) and thus he would not be in classes with the "bad" kids at Sherwood (not sure this is true); all his friends are going to public (true); and he is more likely to play soccer at Sherwood (he does play travel but no idea whether this is accurate, depends on the school, right?). We in general are a family where parents make the decisions, not the kids, although the kids' input is considered, so this should be easy! However, I am wavering a bit as this is a big decision, he raises good points, and I do think kids should be treated according to their particular needs and that a global "only private HS" approach is not accomplishing this end. Plus, maybe we could convince him that private HS is a good fit for him, like we did his sister, but he is stubborn so maybe we won't be able to...and I really don't want to try to force him to go to a school to which he adamantly objects. He is in 7th grade so we have some time to think about this as he won't be shadowing etc. until fall. Does anyone who has been through something similar have advice?

Your son does not sound like a kid who will get mixed up with drugs or the wrong crowd. Let him go to Sherwood.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. SJC is not worth the money purely for academics. If he were very interested in a particular sport or if you were Catholic and looking for a religious component, or if he had special needs i.e. Benilde program, then it would be worth it. Otherwise, stay in public.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be happy that you have a child with a good head on his shoulders, who knows himself and is self-motivated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be happy that you have a child with a good head on his shoulders, who knows himself and is self-motivated.

this!
If I were you I’d show him s few websites, ask that he keep an open mind and take s few tours but let him know that you will not make him apply if after seeing the schools he doesn’t want to. Also, he could always apply for 10th, if you and he felt like it later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be happy that you have a child with a good head on his shoulders, who knows himself and is self-motivated.

this!
If I were you I’d show him s few websites, ask that he keep an open mind and take s few tours but let him know that you will not make him apply if after seeing the schools he doesn’t want to. Also, he could always apply for 10th, if you and he felt like it later

Is it extremely difficult to get into Sidwell, Potomac or St. Albans as 10th grader. PP must be kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP. SJC is not worth the money purely for academics. If he were very interested in a particular sport or if you were Catholic and looking for a religious component, or if he had special needs i.e. Benilde program, then it would be worth it. Otherwise, stay in public.

You people are pathetic. If you actually read the whole post and didn't stop to spew your nastiness once you saw "SJC" , you would know OP already has a dc at SJC. So clearly she does think it is worth the money. Just stop already.