Adhd - worth trying a specialized school?
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Anonymous
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DS(12) is pushing the boundaries of what his current school can do. His official dx (from 4 yrs ago) is ADHD + anxiety. We’re waiting for a re-eval, and I’m pretty sure they’ll toss depression in the mix. Many people who know him think he may be kissing the autism spectrum as well. We are open to medication, but he has had extreme adverse reactions to stimulants in the past.
Re. School: Until now, he’s always had a few classes (math, science) where he basically already knew the information and could coast, while putting more effort elsewhere. But that is starting to no longer be the case, and the work load has jumped significantly this year. Grade wise, he’s putting in huge effort and getting mostly the equivalent of US B’s with some A’s & C’s thrown in (we live overseas). I’m ok with this, but as the load increases, it’s plain to me that there will soon be no way to cover the gap between his skill set and the demands, and tutor support is quite limited where we are. Socially, he struggles. Mostly, he breaks out in tears when under stress, and the lack of emotional control has turned him into a bit of a pariah and his self esteem is quite low. His school couldn’t be smaller. There are 6 kids in his English class, going up to maybe 25 for undifferentiated classes like gym. He has an IEP. But he, himself, says he doesn’t want to be treated differently, so he refuses extra time, use of computer for assignments, getting pulled aside for 1:1 aid, etc. At this point, we are open to options. Maybe a boarding school in the US or U.K. that specializes in ADHD and that has staff on hand to help with the emotional control? I was thinking that maybe if he were in an environment where the supports are more universally used, he’d feel less singled out and be willing to accept help. Sending him far, far away when he hasn’t really tried the help being offered seems an over reaction. But if the environment destigmatized his struggles, maybe it’s worth it? Anyone else here btdt? |
Anonymous
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Has he tried the different classes of stimulants?
Is he in weekly therapy? If not, can you get it for him? Therapy is where he will learn emotional self regulation. |
Anonymous
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I think it’s time to come back to looking at meds, especially since you mentioned anxiety and depression. You need to find a psychiatrist that works with adolescents.
I can’t imagine the stress of being sent away from my parents. You need to exhaust the options that are nearby first. Work with the ped, psychiatrist and other therapists to get a handle on this with him. This will not be fixed sending him away. |
Anonymous
Yes, he’s got weekly CBT therapy. He’s made some progress in reframing situations and identifying triggers. But its not enough to fix the emotional issues. He refuses to be seen by the school counselor, who keeps an eye on him nevertheless. We’re in line to see a psychiatrist, but it takes ages to get in the door here. Our old DC psychiatrist cant do online sessions, but will work with our provider here, once in place. He’s recommended we avoid all Ritalin-based stimulants, and also Prozac (I think because of risk of SI). DS’s last encounter with Focalin resulted in him melting down, flipping desks and threatening to impale himself with scissors. Scary. DC-psych said lo-dose Wellbutrin could be a solution to help with depression and focus, but a common adverse reaction in kids is increased anxiety. But we need someone willing to prescribe and monitor closely on this side. He’s been off-med for years and dealt with mainstream school both while we were in DC as well as here, but it requires intense monitoring of his homework schedule, and a lot of creativity to come up with ways for him to break tasks down, etc. It’s the stuff that any executive skills coach would do. DH & I both have time & will to put into helping with study skills, but it’s slow going. Meanwhile, his workload is getting bad - frequently needing 3-4h of work every day after school to keep his head above water. As I mentioned, the outcome of all of this work hasn’t been great. It just doesn’t seem sustainable and there’s certainly no room for it to get worse. |
Anonymous
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What are his strengths?
I don’t think boarding school is necessarily a bad idea. But would require lots of research and monitoring. We get good advanced subject tutoring ( calculus, physics) through Varsity Tutors. |
Anonymous
| Second revisiting meds. |
Anonymous
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BTDT with a DD with a very similar profile, though older. You are wise to think through options now. High school brings big social and academic challenges. Our DD was not up to them, had some very traumatic experiences, and completely broke down in daily functioning.
Her situation called for a therapeutic boarding school, where students are educated in a microschool-style setting AND have group therapy daily plus individual therapy twice a week. The step down from that is an "emotional growth" boarding school--which does not provide the same level of daily therapeutic support as a TBS, but has a strong counseling staff on-site, and facilitates students' access to therapy outside the school. The other direction would be a school for students with SNs, specializing in students with ADHD. In order to make a good decision about which of those options might serve best, you really do need to have strong confidence in your student's dx. From what you've said, it sounds like the emotional and behavioral issues are primary. If that's the case, you might do well to contact an educational consultant to get the lay of the land. Consultants are pricey, but they know the various programs in detail, and really do set out to find the best fit for your particular child. |
Anonymous
| Is homeschooling an option? I would finish the year at home, working on meds and therapy as a priority. |
Anonymous
Outside of school, he’s got a good sense of humor (so long as the joke doesn’t have anything to do with him), and he loves animals. School-wise, he’s bright but not brilliant. He seems to like science and has traditionally been strong in math. But these are starting to change, as the curriculum is moving to a point where he doesn’t already know the material and won’t succeed without studying for the tests. His English grades crashed briefly earlier this year (D’s), as the teachers are expecting far more developed essays than before, but he still has a strong vocabulary and used to be a voracious reader. I’ve got some leads on tutors here for once we can no longer help with content. But it’s more the organization that he lacks vs. his ability to understand. He *has* to study now in all subjects, and doesn’t manage his time well enough to allow for it. Also looming: at the end of 10th & 12th grades (3- and 5- yrs from now) he will have personal projects. These are epically-proportioned assignments and sit on top of all of his other class work & community service. He’s gradually recently dropped old hobbies: reading, legos, taekwondo. Now, he half-heartedly does tennis, and would watch YouTube videos all day if we’d let him. At school and in other social contexts, he seems super awkward and withdrawn. He’ll sit at the back of the room during assemblies, rather than with classmates. He says there’s a group of kids that he sits with at lunch, but they’re no more than acquaintances. |
Anonymous
Glad to hear you’ve found a solution for your DD. Do you have an edu consultant that you could recommend? I feel a bit lost looking at the range of options. It seems like most of the specialized schools focus on ASD or dyslexia. |
Anonymous
| With the amount of symptoms your child is having, I highly recommend you look into medications. There are other treatment options, if he didn't tolerate stimulants in the past. Also, just being he didn't tolerate stimulants in the past doesn't mean, he'll have the same reaction to them now. Children's bodies and brains develop quickly and their experience with side effects, etc. changes as well. |
Anonymous
| I’d also consider homeschooling if you can’t get meds to work. It’s really hard for them to have self control and focus without the meds, which makes going to school a nightmare. |
Anonymous
| How long Will you be in that country? If it’s going to only be another year or so, that might argue to one set of options, but if it’s going to be long-term, that sounds like a different set. How awful not to be able to get in to see a psychiatrist. I think you need to connect with SN parents in that country to figure out how you can work the system better. |
Anonymous
| For a consultant, we used the School Counseling Group: schoolcounseling.com. Tom Harvey is the person in the practice who works on therapeutic and special needs school placements. |
Anonymous
+1. Or even if there are no SN private schools where you live, are there any alternantive schools with a more progressive, less traditional curriculum? |